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poor miss finch-第65章

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〃When you _do_ know; Mr。 Nugent Dubourg; and when you have brought your
brother back to this house; I will take your handnot before。〃

He bowed resignedly; with a little satirical shrug of the shoulders; and
asked if he might offer me a chair。

I took a chair for myself; and placed it so that I might be opposite to
him when he resumed his seat。 He checked himself in the act of sitting
down; and looked towards the open window。

〃Shall I throw away my cigar?〃 he said。

〃Not on my account。 I have no objection to smoking。〃

〃Thank you。〃 He took his chairkeeping his face in the partial obscurity
cast by the shade of the lamp。 After smoking for a moment; he spoke
again; without turning to look at me。 〃May I ask what your object is in
honoring me with this visit?〃

〃I have two objects。 The first is to see that you leave Dimchurch
to…morrow morning。 The second is to make you restore your brother to his
promised wife。〃

He looked round at me quickly。 His experience of my irritable temper had
not prepared him for the perfect composure of voice and manner with which
I answered his question。 He looked back again from me to his cigar; and
knocked off the ash at the tip of it (considering with himself) before he
addressed his next words to me。

〃We will come to the question of my leaving Dimchurch presently;〃 he
said。 〃Have you received a letter from Oscar?〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Have you read it?〃

〃I have read it。〃

〃Then you know that we understand each other?〃

〃I know that your brother has sacrificed himselfand that you have taken
a base advantage of the sacrifice。〃

He started; and looked round at me once more。 I saw that something in my
language; or in my tone of speaking; had stung him。

〃You have your privilege as a lady;〃 he said。 〃Don't push it too far。
What Oscar has done; he has done of his own free will。〃

〃What Oscar has done;〃 I rejoined; 〃is lamentably foolish; cruelly wrong。
Still; perverted as it is; there is something generous; something noble;
in the motive which has led _him。_ As for your conduct in this matter; I
see nothing but what is mean; nothing but what is cowardly; in the motive
which has led _you。_〃

He started to his feet; and flung his cigar into the empty fireplace。

〃Madame Pratolungo;〃 he said; 〃I have not the honor of knowing anything
of your family。 I can't call a woman to account for insulting me。 Do you
happen to have any _man_ related to you; in or out of England?〃

〃I happen to have what will do equally well on this occasion;〃 I replied。
〃I have a hearty contempt for threats of all sorts; and a steady
resolution in me to say what I think。〃

He walked to the door; and opened it。

〃I decline to give you the opportunity of saying anything more;〃 he
rejoined。 〃I beg to leave you in possession of the room; and to wish you
good evening。〃

He opened the door。 I had entered the house; armed in my own mind with a
last desperate resolve; only to be communicated to him; or to anybody; in
the final emergency and at the eleventh hour。 The time had come for
saying what I had hoped with my whole heart to have left unsaid。

I rose on my side; and stopped him as he was leaving the room。

〃Return to your chair and your book;〃 I said。 〃Our interview is at an
end。 In leaving the house; I have one last word to say。 You are wasting
your time in remaining at Dimchurch。〃

〃I am the best judge of that;〃 he answered; making way for me to go out。

〃Pardon me; you are not in a position to judge at all。 You don't know
what I mean to do as soon as I get back to the rectory。〃

He instantly changed his position; placing himself in the doorway so as
to prevent me from leaving the room。

〃What do you mean to do?〃 he asked; keeping his eyes attentively fixed on
mine。

〃I mean to force you to leave Dimchurch。〃

He laughed insolently。 I went on as quietly as before。 〃You have
personated your brother to Lucilla this morning;〃 I said。 〃You have done
that; Mr。 Nugent Dubourg; for the last time。〃

〃Have I? Who will prevent me from doing it again?〃

〃I will。〃

This time he took it seriously。

〃You?〃 he said。 〃How are _you_ to control me; if you please?〃

〃I can control you through Lucilla。 When I get back to the rectory; I
can; and will; tell Lucilla the truth。〃

He startedand instantly recovered himself。

〃You forget something; Madame Pratolungo。 You forget what the surgeon in
attendance on her has told us。〃

〃I remember it perfectly。 If we say or do anything to agitate his
patient; in her present state; the surgeon refuses to answer for the
consequences。〃

〃Well?〃

〃Wellbetween the alternative of leaving you free to break both their
hearts; and the alternative of setting the surgeon's warning at
defiancedreadful as the choice is; my choice is made。 I tell you to
your face; I would rather see Lucilla blind again than see her your
wife。〃

His estimate of the strength of the position on his side; had been
necessarily based on one convictionthe conviction that Grosse's
professional authority would tie my tongue。 I had scattered his
calculations to the winds。 He turned so deadly pale that; dim as the
light was; I could see the change in his face。

 〃I don't believe you!〃 he said。

 〃Present yourself at the rectory tomorrow;〃 I answered〃and you will
see。 I have no more to say to you。 Let me by。〃

You may suppose I was only trying to frighten him。 I was doing nothing of
the sort。 Blame me; or approve of me; as you please; I was expressing the
resolution which I had in my mind when I spoke。 Whether my courage would
have held out through the walk from Browndown to the rectorywhether I
should have shrunk from it when I actually found myself in Lucilla's
presenceis more than I can venture to decide。 All I say is that I did;
in my desperation; positively mean doing it; at the moment when I
threatened to do itand that Nugent Dubourg heard something in my voice
which told him I was in earnest。

〃You fiend!〃 he burst out; stepping close up to me with a look of fury。

The whole passionate fervour of the love that the miserable wretch felt
for her; shook him from head to foot; as his horror of me found its way
to expression in those two words。

 〃Spare me your opinion of my character;〃 I said。 〃I don't expect _you_
to understand the motives of an honest woman。 For the last time; let me
by!〃

 Instead of letting me by; he locked the door; and put the key in his
pocket。 That done; he pointed to the chair that I had left。

〃Sit down;〃 he said; with a sudden sinking in his voice which implied a
sudden change in his temper。 〃Let me have a minute to myself。〃

I returned to my place。 He took his own chair on the other side of the
table; and covered his face with his hands。 We waited awhile in silence。
I looked at him; once or twice; as the minutes followed each other。 The
shaded lamp…light glistened dimly on something between his fingers。 I
rose softly; and stretched across the table to look closer。 Tears! On my
word of honor; tears forcing their way through his fingers; as he held
them over his face! I had been on the point of speaking。 I sat down again
in silence。

〃Say what you want of me。 Tell me what you wish me to do。〃 Those were his
first words。 He spoke them without moving his hands; so quietly; so
sadly; with such hopeless sorrow; such uncomplaining resignation in his
voice; that I; who had entered that room; hating him; rose again; and
went round to his chair。 Iwho a minute ago; if I had had the strength;
would have struck him down on the floor at my feetlaid my hand on his
shoulder; pitying him from the bottom of my heart。 That is what women
are! There is a specimen of their sense; firmness; and self…control!

〃Be just; Nugent;〃 I said。 〃Be honorable。 Be all that I once thought you。
I want no more。〃

He dropped his arms on the table: his head fell on them; and he burst
into a fit of crying。 It was so like his brother; that I could almost
have fancied I; too; had mistaken one of them for the other。 〃Oscar over
again;〃 I thought to myself; 〃on the first day when I spoke to him in
this very room!〃

〃Come!〃 I said; when he was quieter。 We shall end in understanding each
other and respecting each other after all。〃

He irritably shook my hand off his shoulder; and turned his face away
from the light。

〃Don't talk of understanding _me;_〃 he said。 〃Your sympathy is for Oscar。
He is the victim; he is the martyr; he has all your consideration and all
your pity。 I am a coward; I am a villain; I have no honor and no heart。
Tread Me under foot like a reptile。 _My_ misery is only what I deserve!
Compassion is thrown awayisn't it?on such a scoundrel as I am?〃

I was sorely puzzled how to answer him。 All that he had said against
himself; I had thought of him in my own mind。 And why not? He _had_
behaved infamouslyhe _was_ a fit object for righteous indignation。 And
yetand yetit is sometimes so very hard; however badly a man may have
behaved; for women to hold out against forgiving him; when they know that
a woman is at the bottom of it。

〃Whatever I may have thought of you;〃 I said; 〃it is still in your power;
Nugent; to win back my old regard for you。〃

〃Is it?〃 he answered scor
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