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And a brief which I bought of a booby
A couple of shirts； and a collar or two；
And a ring that looked like a ruby！
CHORUS。 A couple of shirts； etc。
JUDGE。 At Westminster Hall I danced a dance；
Like a semi…despondent fury；
For I thought I never should hit on a chance
Of addressing a British Jury
But I soon got tired of third…class journeys；
And dinners of bread and water；
So I fell in love with a rich attorney's
Elderly； ugly daughter。
CHORUS。 So he fell in love； etc。
JUDGE。 The rich attorney； he jumped with joy；
And replied to my fond professions：
〃You shall reap the reward of your pluck； my boy；
At the Bailey and Middlesex sessions。
You'll soon get used to her looks；〃 said he；
〃And a very nice girl you will find her！
She may very well pass for forty…three
In the dusk； with a light behind her！〃
CHORUS。 She may very well； etc。
JUDGE。 The rich attorney was good as his word；
The briefs came trooping gaily；
And every day my voice was heard
At the Sessions or Ancient Bailey。
All thieves who could my fees afford
Relied on my orations。
And many a burglar I've restored
To his friends and his relations。
CHORUS。 And many a burglar； etc。
JUDGE。 At length I became as rich as the Gurneys
An incubus then I thought her；
So I threw over that rich attorney's
Elderly； ugly daughter。
The rich attorney my character high
Tried vainly to disparage…
And now； if you please； I'm ready to try
This Breach of Promise of Marriage！
CHORUS。 And now if you please； etc。
JUDGE。 For now I'm a Judge！
ALL。 And a good Judge； too！
JUDGE。 For now I'm a Judge！
ALL。 And a good Judge； too！
JUDGE。 Though all my law be fudge；
Yet I'll never； never budge；
But I'll live and die a Judge！
ALL。 And a good Judge； too！
JUDGE （pianissimo）。 It was managed by a job
ALL。 And a good job； too！
JUDGE。 It was managed by a job！
ALL。 And a good job too！
JUDGE。 It is patent to the mob；
That my being made a nob
Was effected by a job。
ALL。 And a good job too！
＇Enter Counsel for Plaintiff。 He takes his place in front row of
Counsel's seats
RECIT COUNSEL
Swear thou the jury！
USHER。 Kneel； Jurymen； oh； kneel！
＇All the Jury kneel in the Jury…box； and so are hidden from
audience。
USHER。 Oh； will you swear by yonder skies；
Whatever question may arise；
'Twixt rich and poor； 'twixt low and high；
That you will well and truly try？
JURY （raising their hands； which alone are visible）
To all of this we make reply
By the dull slate of yonder sky：
That we will well and truly try。
We'll try。
（All rise with the last note）
RECIT COUNSEL
Where is the Plaintiff？
Let her now be brought。
RECIT USHER
Oh； Angelina！ Come thou into Court！
Angelina！ Angelina！
Enter the Bridesmaids
CHORUS OF BRIDESMAIDS
Comes the broken flower
Comes the cheated maid
Though the tempest lower；
Rain and cloud will fade
Take； oh maid； these posies：
Though thy beauty rare
Shame the blushing roses；
They are passing fair！
Wear the flowers 'til they fade；
Happy be thy life； oh maid！
＇The Judge； having taken a great fancy to First Bridesmaid； sends
her a note by Usher； which she reads； kisses rapturously；
and places in her bosom。
Enter Plaintiff
SOLO PLAINTIFF
O'er the season vernal；
Time may cast a shade；
Sunshine； if eternal；
Makes the roses fade！
Time may do his duty；
Let the thief alone
Winter hath a beauty。
That is all his own。
Fairest days are sun and shade：
I am no unhappy maid！
＇The Judge having by this time transferred his admiration to
Plaintiff； directs the Usher to take the note from First
Bridesmaid and hand it to Plaintiff； who reads it；
kisses it rapturously； and places it in her bosom。
CHORUS OF BRIDESMAIDS
Comes the broken flower； etc。
JUDGE。 Oh； never； never； never；
Since I joined the human race；
Saw I so excellently fair a face。
THE JURY （shaking their forefingers at him）。 Ah； sly dog！
Ah； sly dog！
JUDGE （to Jury）。 How say you？
Is she not designed for capture？
FOREMAN （after consulting with the Jury）。 We've but one word；
m'lud； and that isRapture！
PLAINTIFF （curtseying）。 Your kindness； gentlemen； quite
overpowers！
JURY。 We love you fondly； and would make you ours！
BRIDESMAIDS （shaking their forefingers at Jury）。
Ah； sly dogs！ Ah； sly dogs！
RECIT COUNSEL for PLAINTIFF
May it please you； m'lud！
Gentlemen of the jury！
ARIA COUNSEL
With a sense of deep emotion；
I approach this painful case；
For I never had a notion
That a man could be so base；
Or deceive a girl confiding；
Vows； etcetera deriding。
ALL。 He deceived a girl confiding；
Vows； etcetera； deriding。
＇Plaintiff falls sobbing on Counsel's breast and remains there。
COUNSEL。 See my interesting client；
Victim of a heartless wile！
See the traitor all defiant
Wear a supercilious smile！
Sweetly smiled my client on him；
Coyly woo'd and gently won him。
ALL。 Sweetly smiled； etc。
COUNSEL。 Swiftly fled each honeyed hour
Spent with this unmanly male！
Sommerville became a bow'r；
Alston an Arcadian Vale；
Breathing concentrated otto！
An existence la Watteau。
ALL。 Bless； us； concentrated otto！ etc。
COUNSEL。 Picture； then； my client naming；
And insisting on the day：
Picture him excuses framing
Going from her far away；
Doubly criminal to do so；
For the maid had bought her trousseau！
ALL。 Doubly criminal； etc。
COUNSEL （to Plaintiff； who weeps）
Cheer up； my prettyoh； cheer up！
JURY。 Cheer up； cheer up； we love you！
＇Counsel leads Plaintiff fondly into Witness…box； he takes a tender
leave of her； and resumes his place in Court。
（Plaintiff reels as if about to faint）
JUDGE。 That she is reeling
Is plain to see！
FOREMAN。 If faint you're feeling
Recline on me！
＇She falls sobbing on to the Foreman's breast。
PLAINTIFF （feebly）。 I shall recover
If left alone。
ALL。 （shaking their fists at Defendant）
Oh； perjured lover；
Atone！ atone！
FOREMAN。 Just like a father ＇Kissing her
I wish to be。
JUDGE。 （approaching her）
Or； if you'd rather；
Recline on me！
＇She jumps on to Bench； sits down by the Judge； and falls sobbing
on his breast。
COUNSEL。 Oh！ fetch some water
From far Cologne！
ALL。 For this sad slaughter
Atone！ atone！
JURY。 （shaking fists at Defendant）
Monster； monster； dread our fury
There's the Judge； and we're the Jury！
Come！ Substantial damages；
Dam…
USHER。 Silence in Court！