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Blushing； Nynaeve looked around to see if anyone had noticed。 There were only a few men in the hall； engrossed in their own conversations； and some women in black…and…gold going about their business； giving her a bow or curtsy as she passed。 She had had that argument with herself a hundred times before； but this was the first time it had e to talking to herself out loud。 She muttered under her breath； then pressed her lips firmly together when she realized what she was doing。
She was finally beginning to realize her search was futile when she came on Lan； his back to her； looking down on the outer courtyard through an arrowslit。 The noise from the courtyard was all horses and men； neighing and shouting。 So intent was Lan that he did not； for once； seem to hear her。 She hated the fact that she could never sneak up on him； however softly she stepped。 She had been accounted good at woodscraft back in Emond's Field； though it was not a skill in which many women took any interest。
She stopped in her tracks； pressing her hands to her stomach to quiet a flutter。 I ought to dose myself with rannel and sheepstongue root； she thought sourly。 It was the mixture she gave anyone who moped about and claimed they were sick； or behaved like a goose。 Rannel and sheepstongue root would perk you up a little； and did no harm； but mainly it tasted horrible； and the taste lasted all day。 It was a perfect cure for acting the fool。
Safe from his eyes； she studied the length of him； leaning against the stone and fingering his chin as he studied what was going on below。 He's too tall； for one thing； and old enough to be my father； for another。 A man with a face like that would have to be cruel。 No； he's not that。 Never that。 And he was a king。 His land was destroyed while he was a child； and he would not claim a crown； but he was a king； for that。 What would a king want with a village woman？ He's a Warder； too。 Bonded to Moiraine。 She has his loyalty to death； and ties closer than any lover； and she has him。 She has everything I want； the Light burn her！
He turned from the arrowslit； and she whirled to go。
〃Nynaeve。〃 His voice caught and held her like a noose。 〃I wanted to speak to you alone。 You always seem to be in the women's apartments； or in pany。〃
It took an effort to face him； but she was sure her features were calm when she looked up at him。 〃I'm looking for Rand。〃 She was not about to admit to avoiding him。 〃We said all we need to say long ago； you and I。 I shamed myself … which I will not do again … and you told me to go away。〃
〃I never said … 〃 He took a deep breath。 〃I told you I had nothing to offer for brideprice but widow's clothes。 Not a gift any man could give a woman。 Not a man who can call himself a man。〃
〃I understand；〃 she said coolly。 〃In any case； a king does not give gifts to village women。 And this village woman would not take them。 Have you seen Rand？ I need to talk to him。 He was to see the Amyrlin。 Do you know what she wanted with him？〃
His eyes blazed like blue ice in the sun。 She stiffened her legs to keep from stepping back； and met him glare for glare。
〃The Dark One take Rand al'Thor and the Amyrlin Seat both；〃 he grated； pressing something into her hand。 〃I will make you a gift and you will take it if I have to chain it around your neck。〃
She pulled her eyes away from his。 He had a stare like a blue…eyed hawk when he was angry。 In her hand was a signet ring； heavy gold and worn with age； almost large enough for both her thumbs to fit through。 On it； a crane flew above a lance and crown； all carefully wrought in detail。 Her breath caught。 The ring of Malkieri kings。 Forgetting to glare； she lifted her face。 〃I cannot take this； Lan。〃
He shrugged in an offhand way。 〃It is nothing。 Old； and useless； now。 But there are those who would know it when they saw it。 Show that； and you will have guestright； and help if you need it； from any lord in the Borderlands。 Show it to a Warder； and he will give aid； or carry a message to me。 Send it to me； or a message marked with it； and I will e to you； without delay and without fail。 This I swear。〃
Her vision blurred at the edges。 If I cry now； I will kill myself。〃 I can't。。。 I do not want a gift from you； al'Lan Mandragoran。 Here； take it。〃
He fended off her attempts to give the ring back to him。 His hand enveloped hers； gentle but firm as a shackle。 〃Then take it for my sake； as a favor to me。 Or throw it away； if it displeases you。 I've no better use for it。〃 He brushed her cheek with a finger； and she gave a start。 〃I must go now； Nynaeve mashiara。 The Amyrlin wishes to leave before midday； and there is much yet to be done。 Perhaps we will have time to talk on the journey to Tar Valon。〃 He turned and was gone； striding down the hall。
Nynaeve touched her cheek。 She could still feel where he had touched her。 Mashiara。 Beloved of heart and soul； it meant； but a love lost； too。 Lost beyond regaining。 Fool woman！ Stop acting like a girl with her hair still not braided。 It's no use letting him make you feel 。。。
Clutching the ring tightly； she turned around； and jumped when she found herself face…to…face with Moiraine。 〃How long have you been there？〃 she demanded。
〃Not long enough to hear anything I should not have；〃 the Aes Sedai replied smoothly。 〃We will be leaving soon。 I heard that。 You must see to your packing。〃
Leaving。 It had not penetrated when Lan said it。 〃I will have to say goodbye to the boys；〃 she muttered； then gave Moiraine a sharp look。 〃What have you done to Rand？ He was taken to the Amyrlin。 Why？ Did you tell her about … about 。。。 ？〃 She could not say it。 He was from her own village； and she was just enough older than he to have looked after him a time or two when he was little； but she could not even think about what he had bee without her stomach twisting。
〃The Amyrlin will be seeing all three； Nynaeve。 Ta'veren are not so mon that she would miss the chance to see three together in one place。 Perhaps she will give them a few words of encouragement； since they are riding with Ingtar to hunt those who stole the Horn。 They will be leaving about the time we do； so you had better hurry with any farewells。〃
Nynaeve dashed to the nearest arrowslit and peered down at the outer courtyard。 Horses were everywhere； pack animals and saddle horses； and men hurrying about them； calling to each other。 The only clear space was where the Amyrlin's palanquin stood； its paired horses waiting patiently without any attendants。 Some of the Warders were out there； looking over their mounts； and on the other side of the courtyard； Ingtar stood with a knot of Shienarans around him in armor。 Sometimes a Warder or one of Ingtar's men crossed the paving stones to exchange a word： 〃I should have gotten the boys away from you；〃 she said； still looking out。 Egwene； too； if I could do it without killing her。 Light； why did she have to be born with this cursed ability？ 〃I should have taken them back home。〃
〃They are more than old enough to be off apron strings；〃 Moiraine said dryly。 〃And you know very well why you could never do that。 For one of them； at least。 Besides； it would mean leaving Egwene to go to Tar Valon alone。 Or have you decided to forgo Tar Valon yourself？ If your own use of the Power is not schooled； you will never be able to use it against me。〃
Nynaeve spun to face the Aes Sedai； her jaw dropping。 She could not help it。 〃I don't know what you are talking about。〃
〃Did you think I did not know； child？ Well； as you wish it。 I take it that you are ing to Tar Valon？ Yes； I thought so。〃
Nynaeve wanted to hit her； to knock away the brief smile that flashed across the Aes Sedai's face。 Aes Sedai had not been able to wield power openly since the Breaking； much less the One Power； but they plotted and manipulated； pulled strings like puppet…masters； used thrones and nations like stones on a stones board。 She wants to use me； too； somehow。 If a king or a queen； why not a Wisdom？ Just the way she's using Rand； I'm no child； Aes Sedai。
〃What are you doing with Rand； now？ Have you not used him enough？ I don't know why you have not had him gentled； now the Amyrlin's here with all those other Aes Sedai； but you must have a reason。 It must be some plot you're hatching。 If the Amyrlin knew what you were up to； I wager she'd … 〃
Moiraine cut her off。 〃What possible interest could the Amyrlin have in a shepherd？ Of course； if he were brought to her attention in the wrong way； he might be gentled； or even killed。 He is what he is； after all。 And there is considerable anger about last night。 Everyone is looking for whom to blame。〃 The Aes Sedai fell silent； and let the silence stretch。 Nynaeve stared at her； grinding her teeth。
〃Yes；〃 Moiraine said finally； 〃much better to let a sleeping lion sleep。 Best you see to your packing； now。〃 She moved off in the direction Lan had gone； seeming to glide across the floor。
Grimacing； Nynaeve swung her fist back against the wall； the ring dug at her palm。 She opened her hand to look at it。 The ring seemed to heat her anger； focus her hate。 I will learn