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rite with the old fathers； something of a joke to the novices。 Everyone will know about his drinking； he'll disappear for two or three days every month or so； and they'll all nod and smile and say in their various accents； 〃Old Sebastian's on the spree again；〃 and then he'll e back dishevelled and shamefaced and be more devout for a day or two in the chapel。 He'll probably have little hiding places about the garden where he keeps a bottle and takes a swig now and then on the sly。 They'll bring him forward to act as guide； whenever they have an English speaking visitor； and he will be pletely charming so that before they go； they'll ask about him and perhaps be given a hint that he has high connections at home。 If he lives long enough； generations of missionaries in all kinds of remote places will think of him as a queer old character who was somehow part of the Home of their student days； and remember him in their masses。 He'll develop little eccentricities of devotion； intense personal cults of his own； he'll be found in the chapel at odd times and missed when he's expected。 Then one morning； after one of his drinking bouts； he'll be picked up at the gate dying； and show by a mere flicker of the eyelid that he is conscious when they give him the last sacraments。 It's not such a bad way of getting through one's life。'
I thought of the youth with the teddy…bear under the flowering chestnuts。 'It's not what one would have foretold；' I said。 'I suppose he doesn't suffer？'
'Oh； yes； I think he does。 One can have no idea what the suffering may be； to be maimed as he is … no dignity； no power of will。 No one is ever holy without suffering。 It's taken that form with him。。。I've seen so much suffering in the last few years； there's so much ing for everybody soon。 It's the spring of love。。。' and then in condescension to my paganism； she added： 'He's in a very beautiful place you know by the sea … white cloisters； a bell tower； rows of green vegetables； and a monk watering them when the sun is low。'
I laughed。 'You knew I wouldn't understand？'
'You and Julia。。。' she said。 And then； as we moved on towards the house； 'When you met me last night did you think； 〃Poor Cordelia； such an engaging child； grown up a plain and pious spinster； full of good works〃？ Did you think 〃thwarted〃？'
It was no time for prevarication。 'Yes；' I said； 'I did； I don't now； so much。'
'It's funny；' she said； 'that's exactly the word I thought of for you and Julia。 When we were up in the nursery with nanny。 〃Thwarted passion；〃 I thought。'
She spoke with that gentle； infinitesimal inflection of mockery which descended to her from her mother； but later that evening the words came back to me poignantly。
Julia wore the embroidered Chinese robe which she often used when we were dining alone at Brideshead； it was a robe whose weight and stiff folds stressed her repose； her neck rose exquisitely from the plain gold circle at her throat； her hands lay still among the dragons in her lap。 It was thus that I had rejoiced to see her nights without number； and that night； watching her as she sat between the firelight and the shaded lamp； unable to look away for love of her beauty； I suddenly thought； 'When else have I seen her like this？ Why am I reminded of another moment of vision？' And it came back to me that this was how she had sat in the liner； before the storm； this was how she had looked； and I realized that s he had regained what I thought she had lost for ever； the magical sadness which had drawn me to her； the thwarted look that had seemed to say； 'Surely I was made for some other purpose than this？'
That night I woke in the darkness and lay awake turning over in my mind the conversation with Cordelia。 How I had said； 'You knew I would not understand。' How often； it seemed to me； I was brought up short； like a horse in full stride suddenly refusing an obstacle； backing against the spurs； too shy even to put his nose at it and look at the thing。
And another image came to me； of an arctic hut and a trapper alone with his furs and oil lamp and log fire； everything dry and ship…shape and warm inside； and outside the last blizzard of winter raging and the snow piling up against the door。 Quite silently a great weight forming against the timber； the bolt straining in its socket； minute by minute in the darkness outside the white heap sealing the door； until quite soon when the wind dropped and the sun came out on the ice ' slopes and the thaw set in a block would move； slide； and tumble； high above； gather weight； till the whole hillside seemed to be falling； and the little lighted place would open and splinter and disappear； rolling with the avalanche into the ravine。
＇5＇
MY divorce case； or rather my wife's； was due to be heard at about the same time as Brideshead was to be married。 Julia's would not e up till the following term； meanwhile the game of General Post … moving my property from the Old Rectory to my flat； my wife's from my flat to the Old Rectory； Julia's from Rex's house and from Brideshead to my flat； Rex's from Brideshead to his house； and Mrs Muspratt's from Falmouth to Brideshead … was in full swing and we were all； in varying degrees； homeless； when a halt was called and Lord Marchmain； with a taste for the dramatically inopportune which was plainly the prototype of his elder son's； declared his intention； in view of the international situation； of returning to England and passing his declining years； in his old home。
The only member of the family to whom this change promised any benefit was Cordelia； who had been sadly abandoned in the turmoil。 Brideshead； indeed； had made a formal request to her to consider his house her home for as long as it suited her； but when she learned that her sister…in…law proposed to install her children there for the holidays immediately after the wedding； in the charge of a sister of hers and the sister's friend； Cordelia had decided to move； too； and was talking of setting up alone in London。 She now found herself； Cinderella…like； promoted ch鈚elaine； while her brother and his wife who had till that moment expected to find themselves； within a matter of days； in absolute mand； were without a roof； the deeds of conveyance； engrossed and ready for signing； were rolled up； tied； and put away in one of the black tin boxes in Lincoln's Inn。 It was bitter for Mrs Muspratt； she was not an ambitious woman； something very much less grand than Brideshead would have contented her heartily； but she did aspire to find some shelter for her children over Christmas。 The house at Falmouth was stripped and up for sale； moreover； Mrs Muspratt had taken leave of the place with some justifiably rather large talk of her new establishment； they could not return there。 She was obliged in a hurry to move her furniture from Lady Marchmain's room to a disused coach…house and to take a furnished villa at Torquay。 She was not； as I have said； a woman of high ambition； but； having had her expectations so much raised； it was disconcerting to be brought so low so suddenly。 In the village the working party who had been preparing the decorations for the bridal entry； began unpacking the Bs on the bunting and substitutin Ms； obliterating the Earl's points and stencilling balls and strawberry leaves on the painted； coronets； in preparation for Lord Marchmain's return。
News of his intentions came first to the solicitors； then to Cordelia； then to Julia and me； in a rapid succession of contradictory cables。 Lord Marchmain would arrive in time for the wedding； he would arrive after the wedding； having seen Lord and Lady Brideshead on their way through Paris； he would see them in Rome。 He was not well enough to travel at all； he was just starting； he had unhappy memories of winter at Brideshead and would not e until spring was well advanced and the heating apparatus overhauled； he was ing alone； he was bringing his Italian household； he wished his return to be unannounced and to lead a life of plete seclusion； he would give a ball。 At last a date in January was chosen which proved to be the correct one。
Plender preceded him by some days； there was a difficulty here。 Plender was not an original member of the Brideshead household； he had been Lord Marchmain's servant in the yeomanry； and had only once met Wilcox on the painful occasion of the removal of his master's luggage when it was decided not to return from the war； then Plender had been valet； as； officially； he still was； but he had； in the past years introduced a kind of suffragan； a Swiss body…servant； to attend to the wardrobe and also； when occasion arose； lend a hand with less dignified tasks about the house； and had in effect bee majordomo of that fluctuating and mobile household； sometimes he even referred to himself on the telephone as 'the secretary'。 There was an acre of thin ice between him and Wilcox。
Fortunately the two men took a liking to one another； and the thing was solved in a series of three…cornered discussions with Cordelia。 Plender and Wilcox became joint grooms of the chambers； like 'Blues' and Life Guards with equal precedence； Plender having as his particular province his Lordship's own apartments and Wilcox a sphere