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nd really she deserved it after all she had been through。 As for Julia and me； that was an old story。 'To put it crudely；' said my cousin Jasper； as though he had ever in his life put anything otherwise： 'I don't see why you bother to marry。'
Summer passed； delirious crowds cheered Neville Chamberlain's return from Munich； Rex made a rabid speech in the House of mons which sealed his fate one way or the other； sealed it； as is sometimes done with naval orders； to be opened later at sea。 Julia's family lawyers； whose black； tin boxes； painted 'Marquis of Marchmain'； seemed to fill a room； began the slow process of her divorce； my own； brisker firm； two doors down； were weeks ahead with my affairs。 It was necessary for Rex and Julia to separate formally； and since； for the time being； Brideshead was still her home； she remained there and Rex removed his trunks and valet to their house in London。 Evidence was taken against Julia and me in my flat。 A date was fixed for Brideshead's wedding； early in the Christmas holidays； so that his future step…children might take part。
One afternoon in November Julia and I stood at a window in the drawing…room watching the wind at work stripping the lime trees； sweeping down the yellow leaves； sweeping them up and round and along the terrace and lawns； trailing them through puddles and over the wet grass； pasting them on walls and window…panes； leaving them at length in sodden piles against the stonework。
'We shan't see them in spring；' said Julia； 'perhaps never again。'
'Once before；' I said； 'I went away； thinking I should never return。'
'Perhaps years later； to what's left of it； with what's left of us。。。'
A door opened and shut in the darkling room behind us。 Wilcox approached through the firelight into the dusk about the long windows。
'A telephone message； my Lady； from Lady Cordelia。'
'Lady Cordelia！ …Where was she？'
'In London； my Lady。'
'Wilcox； how lovely！ Is she ing home？'
'She was just starting for the station。 She will be here after dinner。'
'I haven't seen her for twelve years；' I said … not since the evening when we dined together and she spoke of being a nun； the evening when I painted the drawing…room at Marchmain House。 'She was an enchanting child。'
'She's had an odd life。 First； the convent； then； when that was no good； the war in Spain。 I've not seen her since then。 The other girls； who went with the ambulance came back when the war was over； she stayed on； getting people back to their homes； helping in the prison…camps。 An odd girl。 She's grown up quite plain； you know。'
'Does she know about us？'
'Yes； she wrote me a sweet letter。'
It hurt to think of Cordelia growing up 'quite plain'； to think of all that burning love spending itself on serum…injections and delousing powder。 When she arrived； tired from her journey； rather shabby； moving in the manner of one who has no interest in pleasing； I thought her an ugly woman。 It was odd； I thought； how the same ingredients； differently dispensed； could produce Brideshead； Sebastian； Julia； and her。 She was unmistakably their sister； without any of Julia's or Sebastian's grace； without Brideshead's gravity。 She seemed brisk and matter…of…fact； steeped in the atmosphere of camp and dressing…station； so accustomed to gross suffering as to lose the finer shades of pleasure。 She looked more than her twenty…six years； hard living had roughened her； constant intercourse in a foreign tongue had worn away the nuances of speech； she straddled a little as she sat by the fire； and when she said； 'It's wonderful to be home；' it sounded to my ears like the grunt of an animal returning to its basket。
Those were the impressions of the first half hour； sharpened by the contrast with Julia's white skin and silk and jewelled hair and with my memories of her as a child。
'My job's over in Spain；' she said； 'the authorities were very polite； thanked me for all I'd done； gave me a medal； and sent me packing。 It ' looks as though there'll be plenty of the same sort of work over here soon。'
Then she said： 'Is it too late to see nanny？'
'No； she sits up to all hours with her wireless。'
We went up； all three together； to the old nursery。 Julia and I always spent part …of our day there。 Nanny Hawkins and my father were two people who seemed impervious to change； neither an hour older than when I first knew them。 A wireless set had now been added to Nanny Hawkins' small …assembly of pleasures … the rosary； the Peerage with its neat brown…paper wrapping protecting the red and gold covers； the photographs； and holiday souvenirs … on her table。 When we broke it to her that Julia and I were to be married； she said： 'Well； dear； I hope it's all for the best；' for it was not part of her religion to question the propriety of Julia's actions。
Brideshead had never been a favourite with her； she greeted the news of his engagement with： 'He's certainly taken long enough to make up his mind；' and； when the search through Debrett afforded no information about Mrs Muspratt's connections： 'She's caught him； I daresay。'
We found her； as always in the evening； at the fireside with her teapot； and the wool rug she was making。
'I knew you'd be up；' she said。 'Mr Wilcox sent to tell me you were ing。'
'I brought you some lace。'
'Well； dear； that is nice。 Just like her poor Ladyship used to wear at mass。 Though why they made it black I never did understand； seeing lace is white naturally。 That is very wele； I'm sure。'
'May I turn off the wireless； nanny？'
'Why； of course； I didn't notice it was on； in the pleasure of' seeing you。 What have you done to your hair？'
'I know it's terrible。 I must get all that put right now I'm back。 Darling nanny。'
As we sat there talking； and I saw Cordelia's fond eyes on all of us； I began to realize that she； too； had a beauty of her own。
'I saw Sebastian last month。'
'What a time he's been gone！ Was he quite well？'
'Not very。 That's why I went。 It's quite near you know from Spain to Tunis。 He's with the monks there。'
'I hope they look… after him properly。 I expect they find him a regular handful。 He always sends to me at Christmas； but it's not the same as having him home。 Why you must all always be going abroad I never did understand。 Just like his Lordship。 When there was that talk about going to war with Munich； I said to myself； 〃There's Cordelia and Sebastian and his Lordship all abroad； that'll be very awkward for them。〃 '
'I wanted him to e home with me； but he wouldn't。 He's got a beard now； you know； and he's very religious。'
'That I won't believe； not even if I see it。 He was always a little heathen。 Brideshead was one for church； not Sebastian。 And a beard； only fancy； such a nice fair skin as he had； always looked clean though he'd not been near water all day； while Brideshead there was no doing anything with； scrub as you might。'
'It's frightening；' Julia once said； 'to think how pletely you have forgotten Sebastian。'
'He was the forerunner。'
'That's what you said 'in the storm。 I've thought since； perhaps I am only a forerunner； too。'
'Perhaps；' I thought； while her words still hung in the air between us like a wisp of tobacco smoke … a thought to fade and vanish like； smoke without a trace … 'perhaps all our loves are merely hints and symbols； vagabond…language scrawled on gate…posts and paving…stones along the weary road that other have tramped before us； perhaps you and I are types and this sadness which sometimes falls between us springs from disappointment in。 our search； each straining through and beyond the other； snatching a glimpse now and then of the shadow which turns the corner always a pace or two ahead of us。'
I had not forgotten Sebastian。 He was with me daily in Julia； or rather it was Julia I had known in him； in those distant Arcadian days。
'That's cold fort for a girl；' she said when I tried to explain。 'How do I know I shan't suddenly turn out to be somebody else？ It's an easy way to chuck。'
I had not forgotten Sebastian； every stone of the house had a memory of him； and hearing him spoken of by Cordelia as someone she had seen a month ago； my lost friend filled my thoughts。 When we left the nursery； I said； 'I want to hear all about Sebastian。'
'Tomorrow。 It's a long story。'
And next day； walking through the windswept park； she told me：
'I heard he was dying； ' she said。 'A journalist in Burgos told me； who'd just arrived from North Africa。 A down…and…out called Flyte； who people said was an English lord； whom the fathers had found starving and taken in at a monastery near Carthage。 That was how the story reached me。 I knew it couldn't be quite true … however little we did for Sebastian； he at least got his money sent him … but I started off at once。
'It was all quite easy。 I went to the consulate first and they knew all about him； he was in the infirmary of the head house of some missionary fathers。 The consul's story was that Sebastian had turned up in Tunis one day in a motor bus from Algiers； and had applied to be taken on as a missionary lay…brother。 The Fathers took one look at him and