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Occasionally a word of admonition； but gently expressed； as an
Oxford undergraduate might have expressed it； or master of arts。
How the authors whose publications were consigned to my colleagues
were treated by them I know not； I suppose they were treated in an
urbane and Oxford…like manner； but I cannot say； I did not read the
reviewals of my colleagues； I did not read my own after they were
printed。 I did not like reviewing。
Of all my occupations at this period I am free to confess I liked
that of compiling the NEWGATE LIVES AND TRIALS the best； that is；
after I had surmounted a kind of prejudice which I originally
entertained。 The trials were entertaining enough； but the lives …
how full were they of wild and racy adventures； and in what racy；
genuine language were they told！ What struck me most with respect
to these lives was the art which the writers； whoever they were；
possessed of telling a plain story。 It is no easy thing to tell a
story plainly and distinctly by mouth； but to tell one on paper is
difficult indeed； so many snares lie in the way。 People are afraid
to put down what is common on paper； they seek to embellish their
narratives； as they think； by philosophic speculations and
reflections； they are anxious to shine； and people who are anxious
to shine can never tell a plain story。 'So I went with them to a
music booth； where they made me almost drunk with gin； and began to
talk their flash language； which I did not understand；' says； or is
made to say； Henry Simms； executed at Tyburn some seventy years
before the time of which I am speaking。 I have always looked upon
this sentence as a masterpiece of the narrative style； it is so
concise and yet so very clear。 As I gazed on passages like this；
and there were many nearly as good in the Newgate lives； I often
sighed that it was not my fortune to have to render these lives
into German rather than the publisher's philosophy … his tale of an
apple and pear。
Mine was an ill…regulated mind at this period。 As I read over the
lives of these robbers and pickpockets； strange doubts began to
arise in my mind about virtue and crime。 Years before； when quite
a boy； as in one of the early chapters I have hinted； I had been a
necessitarian； I had even written an essay on crime （I have it now
before me； penned in a round boyish hand）； in which I attempted to
prove that there is no such thing as crime or virtue； all our
actions being the result of circumstances or necessity。 These
doubts were now again reviving in my mind； I could not； for the
life of me； imagine how； taking all circumstances into
consideration； these highwaymen； these pickpockets； should have
been anything else than highwaymen and pickpockets； any more than
how； taking all circumstances into consideration； Bishop Latimer
（the reader is aware that I had read Foxe's BOOK OF MARTYRS） should
have been anything else than Bishop Latimer。 I had a very ill…
regulated mind at that period。
My own peculiar ideas with respect to everything being a lying
dream began also to revive。 Sometimes at midnight； after having
toiled for hours at my occupations； I would fling myself back on my
chair； look about the poor apartment； dimly lighted by an unsnuffed
candle； or upon the heaps of books and papers before me； and
exclaim； … 'Do I exist？ Do these things； which I think I see about
me； exist； or do they not？ Is not everything a dream … a deceitful
dream？ Is not this apartment a dream … the furniture a dream？ The
publisher a dream … his philosophy a dream？ Am I not myself a
dream … dreaming about translating a dream？ I can't see why all
should not be a dream； what's the use of the reality？' And then I
would pinch myself； and snuff the burdened smoky light。 'I can't
see； for the life of me； the use of all this； therefore why should
I think that it exists？ If there was a chance； a probability； of
all this tending to anything； I might believe； but … ' and then I
would stare and think； and after some time shake my head and return
again to my occupations for an hour or two； and then I would
perhaps shake； and shiver； and yawn； and look wistfully in the
direction of my sleeping apartment； and then； but not wistfully； at
the papers and books before me； and sometimes I would return to my
papers and books； but oftener I would arise； and； after another
yawn and shiver； take my light； and proceed to my sleeping chamber。
They say that light fare begets light dreams； my fare at that time
was light enough； but I had anything but light dreams； for at that
period I had all kind of strange and extravagant dreams； and
amongst other things I dreamt that the whole world had taken to
dog…fighting； and that I； myself； had taken to dog…fighting； and
that in a vast circus I backed an English bulldog against the
bloodhound of the Pope of Rome。
CHAPTER XXXVII
My brother … Fits of crying … Mayor…elect … The committee … The
Norman arch … A word of Greek … Church and State … At my own
expense … If you please。
ONE morning I arose somewhat later than usual； having been occupied
during the greater part of the night with my literary toil。 On
descending from my chamber into the sitting…room I found a person
seated by the fire； whose glance was directed sideways to the
table； on which were the usual preparations for my morning's meal。
Forthwith I gave a cry； and sprang forward to embrace the person；
for the person by the fire； whose glance was directed to the table；
was no one else than my brother。
'And how are things going on at home？' said I to my brother； after
we had kissed and embraced。 'How is my mother； and how is the
dog？'
'My mother； thank God； is tolerably well；' said my brother； 'but
very much given to fits of crying。 As for the dog； he is not so
well； but we will talk more of these matters anon；' said my
brother； again glancing at the breakfast things： 'I am very
hungry； as you may suppose； after having travelled all night。'
Thereupon I exerted myself to the best of my ability to perform the
duties of hospitality； and I made my brother welcome … I may say
more than welcome； and； when the rage of my brother's hunger was
somewhat abated； we recommenced talking about the matters of our
little family； and my brother told me much about my mother； he
spoke of her fits of crying； but said that of late the said fits of
crying had much diminished； and she appeared to be taking comfort；
and； if I am not much mistaken； my brother told me that my mother
had of late the Prayer…book frequently in her hand； and yet oftener
the Bible。
We were silent for a time … at last I opened my mouth and mentioned
the dog。
'The dog；' said my brother； 'is； I am afraid； in a very poor way；
ever since the death he has done nothing but pine and take on。 A
few months ago； you remember； he was as plump and fine as any dog
in the town； but at present he is little more than skin and bone。
Once we lost him for two days； and never expected to see him again；
imagining that some mischance had befallen him； at length I found
him … where do you think？ Chancing to pass by the churchyard； I
found him seated on the grave！'
'Very strange；' said I； 'but let us talk of something else。 It was
very kind of you to come and see me。'
'Oh； as for that matter； I did not come up to see you； though of
course I am very glad to see you； having been rather anxious about
you； like my mother； who has received only one letter from you
since your departure。 No； I did not come up on purpose to see you；
but on quite a different account。 You must know that the
corporation of our town have lately elected a new mayor； a person
of many qualifications … big and portly； with a voice like
Boanerges； a religious man； the possessor of an immense pew； loyal；
so much so that I once heard him say that he would at any time go
three miles to hear any one sing 〃God save the King〃； moreover； a
giver of excellent dinners。 Such is our present mayor； who； owing
to his loyalty； his religion； and a little； perhaps； to his
dinners； is a mighty favourite； so much so that the town is anxious
to have his portrait painted in a superior style； so that remote
posterity may know what kind of man he was； the colour of his hair；
his air and gait。 So a committee was formed some time ago； which
is still sitting； that is； they dine with the mayor every day to
talk over the subject。 A few days since； to my great surprise；
they made their appearance in my poor studio； and desired to be
favoured with a sight of some of my paintings； well； I showed them
some； and； after looking at them with great attention； they went
aside and whispered。 〃He'll do；〃 I heard one say； 〃Yes； he'll do；〃
said another； and then they came to me；