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violently。 'Were they my last words； I would persist that thou
hast not committed it； though； perhaps； thou wouldst； but for this
chastening； it was not to convince thee that thou hast committed
the sin； but rather to prevent thee from committing it； that the
Lord brought that passage before thy eyes。 He is not to blame； if
thou art wilfully blind to the truth and wisdom of His ways。'
'I see thou wouldst comfort me；' said Peter； 'as thou hast often
before attempted to do。 I would fain ask the young man his
opinion。'
'I have not yet heard the whole of your history；' said I。
'My story is nearly told；' said Peter； 'a few words will complete
it。 My wife endeavoured to console and reassure me； using the
arguments which you have just heard her use； and many others； but
in vain。 Peace nor comfort came to my breast。 I was rapidly
falling into the depths of despair； when one day Winifred said to
me； 〃I see thou wilt be lost； if we remain here。 One resource only
remains。 Thou must go forth； my husband； into the wide world； and
to comfort thee I will go with thee。〃 〃And what can I do in the
wide world？〃 said I； despondingly。 〃Much；〃 replied Winifred； 〃if
you will but exert yourself； much good canst thou do with the
blessing of God。〃 Many things of the same kind she said to me； and
at last I arose from the earth to which God had smitten me； and
disposed of my property in the best way I could； and went into the
world。 We did all the good we were able； visiting the sick；
ministering to the sick； and praying with the sick。 At last I
became celebrated as the possessor of a great gift of prayer。 And
people urged me to preach； and Winifred urged me too； and at last I
consented； and I preached。 I … I … outcast Peter； became the
preacher Peter Williams。 I； the lost one； attempted to show others
the right road。 And in this way I have gone on for thirteen years；
preaching and teaching； visiting the sick； and ministering to them；
with Winifred by my side heartening me on。 Occasionally I am
visited with fits of indescribable agony； generally on the night
before the Sabbath； for I then ask myself； how dare I； the outcast；
attempt to preach the word of God？ Young man； my tale is told； you
seem in thought！'
'I am thinking of London Bridge；' said I。
'Of London Bridge！' said Peter and his wife。
'Yes；' said I； 'of London Bridge。 I am indebted for much wisdom to
London Bridge； it was there that I completed my studies。 But to
the point。 I was once reading on London Bridge a book which an
ancient gentlewoman； who kept the bridge； was in the habit of
lending me； and there I found written； 〃Each one carries in his
breast the recollection of some sin which presses heavy upon him。
Oh； if men could but look into each other's hearts； what blackness
would they find there！〃'
'That's true；' said Peter。 'What is the name of the book？'
'THE LIFE OF BLESSED MARY FLANDERS。'
'Some popish saint； I suppose；' said Peter。
'As much of a saint； I daresay；' said I； 'as most popish ones； but
you interrupted me。 One part of your narrative brought the passage
which I have quoted into my mind。 You said that after you had
committed this same sin of yours you were in the habit； at school；
of looking upon your schoolfellows with a kind of gloomy
superiority； considering yourself a lone monstrous being who had
committed a sin far above the daring of any of them。 Are you sure
that many others of your schoolfellows were not looking upon you
and the others with much the same eyes with which you were looking
upon them？'
'How！' said Peter； 'dost thou think that they had divined my
secret？'
'Not they；' said I； 'they were； I daresay； thinking too much of
themselves and of their own concerns to have divined any secrets of
yours。 All I mean to say is； they had probably secrets of their
own； and who knows that the secret sin of more than one of them was
not the very sin which caused you so much misery？'
'Dost thou then imagine；' said Peter； 'the sin against the Holy
Ghost to be so common an occurrence？'
'As you have described it；' said I； 'of very common occurrence；
especially amongst children； who are； indeed； the only beings
likely to commit it。'
'Truly；' said Winifred； 'the young man talks wisely。'
Peter was silent for some moments； and appeared to be reflecting；
at last； suddenly raising his head； he looked me full in the face；
and； grasping my hand with vehemence； he said； 'Tell me； young man；
only one thing； hast thou； too； committed the sin against the Holy
Ghost？'
'I am neither Papist nor Methodist；' said I； 'but of the Church；
and； being so； confess myself to no one； but keep my own counsel； I
will tell thee； however； had I committed； at the same age； twenty
such sins as that which you committed； I should feel no uneasiness
at these years … but I am sleepy； and must go to rest。'
'God bless thee； young man；' said Winifred。
CHAPTER LXXVIII
Low and calm … Much better … Blessed effect … No answer … Such a
sermon。
BEFORE I sank to rest I heard Winifred and her husband conversing
in the place where I had left them； both their voices were low and
calm。 I soon fell asleep； and slumbered for some time。 On my
awakening I again heard them conversing； but they were now in their
cart； still the voices of both were calm。 I heard no passionate
bursts of wild despair on the part of the man。 Methought I
occasionally heard the word Pechod proceeding from the lips of
each； but with no particular emphasis。 I supposed they were
talking of the innate sin of both their hearts。
'I wish that man were happy；' said I to myself； 'were it only for
his wife's sake； and yet he deserves to be happy for his own。'
The next day Peter was very cheerful； more cheerful than I had ever
seen him。 At breakfast his conversation was animated； and he
smiled repeatedly。 I looked at him with the greatest interest； and
the eyes of his wife were almost constantly fixed upon him。 A
shade of gloom would occasionally come over his countenance； but it
almost instantly disappeared； perhaps it proceeded more from habit
than anything else。 After breakfast he took his Welsh Bible and
sat down beneath a tree。 His eyes were soon fixed intently on the
volume； now and then he would call his wife； show her some passage；
and appeared to consult with her。 The day passed quickly and
comfortably。
'Your husband seems much better；' said I； at evening fall； to
Winifred； as we chanced to be alone。
'He does；' said Winifred； 'and that on the day of the week when he
was wont to appear most melancholy； for tomorrow is the Sabbath。
He now no longer looks forward to the Sabbath with dread； but
appears to reckon on it。 What a happy change！ and to think that
this change should have been produced by a few words； seemingly
careless ones； proceeding from the mouth of one who is almost a
stranger to him。 Truly； it is wonderful。'
'To whom do you allude；' said I； 'and to what words？'
'To yourself； and to the words which came from your lips last
night； after you had heard my poor husband's history。 Those
strange words； drawn out with so much seeming indifference； have
produced in my husband the blessed effect which you have observed。
They have altered the current of his ideas。 He no longer thinks
himself the only being in the world doomed to destruction； … the
only being capable of committing the never…to…be…forgiven sin。
Your supposition that that which harrowed his soul is of frequent
occurrence amongst children has tranquillised him； the mist which
hung over his mind has cleared away； and he begins to see the
groundlessness of his apprehensions。 The Lord has permitted him to
be chastened for a season； but his lamp will only burn the brighter
for what he has undergone。'
Sunday came； fine and glorious as the last。 Again my friends and
myself breakfasted together … again the good family of the house on
the hill above； headed by the respectable master； descended to the
meadow。 Peter and his wife were ready to receive them。 Again
Peter placed himself at the side of the honest farmer； and Winifred
by the side of her friend。 'Wilt thou not come？' said Peter；
looking towards me with a face in which there was much emotion。
'Wilt thou not come？' said Winifred； with a face beaming with
kindness。 But I made no answer； and presently the party moved
away； in the same manner in which it had moved on the preceding
Sabbath； and I was again left alone。
The hours of the Sabbath passed slowly away。 I sat gazing at the
sky； the trees； and the water。 At last I strolled up to the house
and sat down in the porch。 It was empty； there was no modest
maiden there； as on the preced