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〃And do you read the Scriptures often？〃 said he。 〃No；〃 said I。
〃Why not？〃 said he。 〃Because I am afraid to see there my own
condemnation。〃 They looked at each other； and said nothing at the
time。 On leaving me； however； they all advised me to read the
Scriptures with fervency and prayer。
'As I had told these honest people； I shrank from searching the
Scriptures； the remembrance of the fatal passage was still too
vivid in my mind to permit me。 I did not wish to see my
condemnation repeated； but I was very fervent in prayer； and almost
hoped that God would yet forgive me by virtue of the blood…shedding
of the Lamb。 Time passed on； my affairs prospered； and I enjoyed a
certain portion of tranquillity。 Occasionally； when I had nothing
else to do； I renewed my studies。 Many is the book I read；
especially in my native language； for I was always fond of my
native language； and proud of being a Welshman。 Amongst the books
I read were the odes of the great Ab Gwilym； whom thou； friend；
hast never heard of； no； nor any of thy countrymen； for you are an
ignorant race； you Saxons； at least with respect to all that
relates to Wales and Welshmen。 I likewise read the book of Master
Ellis Wyn。 The latter work possessed a singular fascination for
me； on account of its wonderful delineations of the torments of the
nether world。
'But man does not love to be alone； indeed； the Scripture says that
it is not good for man to be alone。 I occupied my body with the
pursuits of husbandry； and I improved my mind with the perusal of
good and wise books； but； as I have already said； I frequently
sighed for a companion with whom I could exchange ideas； and who
could take an interest in my pursuits； the want of such a one I
more particularly felt in the long winter evenings。 It was then
that the image of the young person whom I had seen in the house of
the preacher frequently rose up distinctly before my mind's eye；
decked with quiet graces … hang not down your head； Winifred … and
I thought that of all the women in the world I should wish her to
be my partner； and then I considered whether it would be possible
to obtain her。 I am ready to acknowledge； friend； that it was both
selfish and wicked in me to wish to fetter any human being to a
lost creature like myself； conscious of having committed a crime
for which the Scriptures told me there is no pardon。 I had；
indeed； a long struggle as to whether I should make the attempt or
not … selfishness however prevailed。 I will not detain your
attention with relating all that occurred at this period … suffice
it to say that I made my suit and was successful； it is true that
the old man； who was her guardian； hesitated； and asked several
questions respecting my state of mind。 I am afraid that I partly
deceived him； perhaps he partly deceived himself； he was pleased
that I had adopted his profession … we are all weak creatures。
With respect to the young person； she did not ask many questions；
and I soon found that I had won her heart。 To be brief； I married
her； and here she is； the truest wife that ever man had； and the
kindest。 Kind I may well call her； seeing that she shrinks not
from me； who so cruelly deceived her； in not telling her at first
what I was。 I married her； friend； and brought her home to my
little possession； where we passed our time very agreeably。 Our
affairs prospered； our garners were full； and there was coin in our
purse。 I worked in the field； Winifred busied herself with the
dairy。 At night I frequently read books to her； books of my own
country； friend； I likewise read to her songs of my own； holy songs
and carols which she admired； and which yourself would perhaps
admire； could you understand them； but I repeat； you Saxons are an
ignorant people with respect to us； and a perverse； inasmuch as you
despise Welsh without understanding it。 Every night I prayed
fervently； and my wife admired my gift of prayer。
'One night； after I had been reading to my wife a portion of Ellis
Wyn； my wife said； 〃This is a wonderful book； and containing much
true and pleasant doctrine； but how is it that you； who are so fond
of good books； and good things in general； never read the Bible？
You read me the book of Master Ellis Wyn； you read me sweet songs
of your own composition； you edify me with your gift of prayer； but
yet you never read the Bible。〃 And when I heard her mention the
Bible I shook； for I thought of my own condemnation。 However； I
dearly loved my wife； and as she pressed me； I commenced on that
very night reading the Bible。 All went on smoothly for a long
time； for months and months I did not find the fatal passage； so
that I almost thought that I had imagined it。 My affairs prospered
much the while； so that I was almost happy； … taking pleasure in
everything around me； … in my wife； in my farm； my books and
compositions； and the Welsh language； till one night； as I was
reading the Bible； feeling particularly comfortable； a thought
having just come into my head that I would print some of my
compositions； and purchase a particular field of a neighbour … O
God … God！ I came to the fatal passage。
'Friend； friend； what shall I say？ I rushed out。 My wife followed
me； asking me what was the matter。 I could only answer with groans
… for three days and three nights I did little else than groan。 Oh
the kindness and solicitude of my wife！ 〃What is the matter
husband； dear husband？〃 she was continually saying。 I became at
last more calm。 My wife still persisted in asking me the cause of
my late paroxysm。 It is hard to keep a secret from a wife；
especially such a wife as mine； so I told my wife the tale； as we
sat one night … it was a mid…winter night … over the dying brands
of our hearth； after the family had retired to rest； her hand
locked in mine； even as it is now。
'I thought she would have shrunk from me with horror； but she did
not； her hand； it is true； trembled once or twice； but that was
all。 At last she gave mine a gentle pressure； and； looking up in
my face； she said … what do you think my wife said； young man？'
'It is impossible for me to guess；' said I。
〃Let us go to rest； my love； your fears are all groundless。〃'
CHAPTER LXXVII
Getting late … Seven years old … Chastening … Go forth … London
Bridge … Same eyes … Common occurrence … Very sleepy。
'AND so I still say；' said Winifred； sobbing。 'Let us retire to
rest； dear husband； your fears are groundless。 I had hoped long
since that your affliction would have passed away； and I still hope
that it eventually will； so take heart； Peter； and let us retire to
rest； for it is getting late。'
'Rest！' said Peter； 'there is no rest for the wicked！'
'We are all wicked；' said Winifred； 'but you are afraid of a
shadow。 How often have I told you that the sin of your heart is
not the sin against the Holy Ghost： the sin of your heart is its
natural pride； of which you are scarcely aware； to keep down which
God in His mercy permitted you to be terrified with the idea of
having committed a sin which you never committed。'
'Then you will still maintain；' said Peter； 'that I never committed
the sin against the Holy Spirit？'
'I will；' said Winifred； 'you never committed it。 How should a
child seven years old commit a sin like that？'
'Have I not read my own condemnation？' said Peter。 'Did not the
first words which I read in the Holy Scripture condemn me？ 〃He who
committeth the sin against the Holy Ghost shall never enter into
the kingdom of God。〃'
'You never committed it；' said Winifred。
'But the words！ the words！ the words！' said Peter。
'The words are true words；' said Winifred； sobbing； 'but they were
not meant for you； but for those who have broken their profession；
who； having embraced the cross； have receded from their Master。'
'And what sayst thou to the effect which the words produced upon
me？' said Peter。 'Did they not cause me to run wild through Wales
for years； like Merddin Wyllt of yore； thinkest thou that I opened
the book at that particular passage by chance？'
'No；' said Winifred； 'not by chance； it was the hand of God
directed you； doubtless for some wise purpose。 You had become
satisfied with yourself。 The Lord wished to rouse thee from thy
state of carnal security； and therefore directed your eyes to that
fearful passage。'
'Does the Lord then carry out His designs by means of guile？' said
Peter with a groan。 'Is not the Lord true？ Would the Lord impress
upon me that I had committed a sin of which I am guiltless？ Hush；
Winifred！ hush！ thou knowest that I have committed the sin。'
'Thou hast not committed it；' said Winifred； sobbing yet more
violently。 'Were they my last words； I wo