按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
fearing probably the ill effect of my presence upon his scholars；
he advised me to go home； which I was glad to do； as I felt myself
every day becoming less qualified for the duties of the office
which I had undertaken。
'So I returned home to my mother and my brother； who received me
with the greatest kindness and affection。 I now determined to
devote myself to husbandry； and assist my brother in the business
of the farm。 I was still； however； very much distressed。 One fine
morning； however； as I was at work in the field； and the birds were
carolling around me； a ray of hope began to break upon my poor dark
soul。 I looked at the earth and looked at the sky； and felt as I
had not done for many a year； presently a delicious feeling stole
over me。 I was beginning to enjoy existence。 I shall never forget
that hour。 I flung myself on the soil； and kissed it； then；
springing up with a sudden impulse； I rushed into the depths of a
neighbouring wood； and； falling upon my knees； did what I had not
done for a long； long time … prayed to God。
'A change； an entire change； seemed to have come over me。 I was no
longer gloomy and despairing； but gay and happy。 My slumbers were
light and easy； not disturbed； as before； by frightful dreams。 I
arose with the lark； and like him uttered a cheerful song of praise
to God； frequently and earnestly； and was particularly cautious not
to do anything which I considered might cause His displeasure。
'At church I was constant； and when there listened with deepest
attention to every word which proceeded from the mouth of the
minister。 In a little time it appeared to me that I had become a
good； very good； young man。 At times the recollection of the sin
would return； and I would feel a momentary chill； but the thought
quickly vanished； and I again felt happy and secure。
'One Sunday morning； after I had said my prayers； I felt
particularly joyous。 I thought of the innocent and virtuous life I
was leading； and when the recollection of the sin intruded for a
moment； said； 〃I am sure God will never utterly cast away so good a
creature as myself。〃 I went to church； and was as usual attentive。
The subject of the sermon was on the duty of searching the
Scriptures： all I knew of them was from the liturgy。 I now；
however； determined to read them； and perfect the good work which I
had begun。 My father's Bible was upon the shelf； and on that
evening I took it with me to my chamber。 I placed it on the table；
and sat down。 My heart was filled with pleasing anticipation。 I
opened the book at random； and began to read； the first passage on
which my eyes lighted was the following：…
'〃He who committeth the sin against the Holy Ghost shall not be
forgiven； either in this world or the next。〃'
Here Peter was seized with convulsive tremors。 Winifred sobbed
violently。 I got up； and went away。 Returning in about a quarter
of an hour； I found him more calm； he motioned me to sit down； and；
after a short pause； continued his narration。
CHAPTER LXXVI
Hasty farewell … Lofty rock … Wrestlings of Jacob … No rest … Ways
of Providence … Two females … Foot of the Cross … Enemy of souls …
Perplexed … Lucky hour … Valetudinarian … Methodists … Fervent in
prayer … You Saxons … Weak creatures … Very agreeable … Almost
happy … Kindness and solicitude。
'WHERE was I； young man？ Oh； I remember； at the fatal passage
which removed all hope。 I will not dwell on what I felt。 I closed
my eyes； and wished that I might be dreaming； but it was no dream；
but a terrific reality： I will not dwell on that period； I should
only shock you。 I could not bear my feelings； so； bidding my
friends a hasty farewell； I abandoned myself to horror and despair；
and ran wild through Wales； climbing mountains and wading streams。
'Climbing mountains and wading streams； I ran wild about； I was
burnt by the sun； drenched by the rain； and had frequently at night
no other covering than the sky； or the humid roof of some cave； but
nothing seemed to affect my constitution； probably the fire which
burned within me counteracted what I suffered from without。 During
the space of three years I scarcely knew what befell me； my life
was a dream … a wild； horrible dream； more than once I believe I
was in the hands of robbers； and once in the hands of gypsies。 I
liked the last description of people least of all； I could not
abide their yellow faces； or their ceaseless clabber。 Escaping
from these beings； whose countenances and godless discourse brought
to my mind the demons of the deep Unknown； I still ran wild through
Wales； I know not how long。 On one occasion； coming in some degree
to my recollection； I felt myself quite unable to bear the horrors
of my situation； looking round I found myself near the sea；
instantly the idea came into my head that I would cast myself into
it； and thus anticipate my final doom。 I hesitated a moment； but a
voice within me seemed to tell me that I could do no better； the
sea was near； and I could not swim； so I determined to fling myself
into the sea。 As I was running along at great speed； in the
direction of a lofty rock； which beetled over the waters； I
suddenly felt myself seized by the coat。 I strove to tear myself
away； but in vain； looking round； I perceived a venerable hale old
man； who had hold of me。 〃Let me go！〃 said I； fiercely。 〃I will
not let thee go；〃 said the old man； and now； instead of with one；
he grappled me with both hands。 〃In whose name dost thou detain
me？〃 said I； scarcely knowing what I said。 〃In the name of my
Master； who made thee and yonder sea； and has said to the sea； So
far shalt thou come； and no farther； and to thee； Thou shalt do no
murder。〃 〃Has not a man a right to do what he pleases with his
own？〃 said I。 〃He has；〃 said the old man； 〃but thy life is not thy
own； thou art accountable for it to thy God。 Nay； I will not let
thee go；〃 he continued； as I again struggled； 〃if thou struggle
with me the whole day I will not let thee go； as Charles Wesley
says； in his 'Wrestlings of Jacob'； and see； it is of no use
struggling； for I am； in the strength of my Master； stronger than
thou〃； and indeed； all of a sudden I had become very weak and
exhausted； whereupon the old man； beholding my situation； took me
by the arm and led me gently to a neighbouring town； which stood
behind a hill； and which I had not before observed； presently he
opened the door of a respectable…looking house； which stood beside
a large building having the appearance of a chapel； and conducted
me into a small room； with a great many books in it。 Having caused
me to sit down； he stood looking at me for some time； occasionally
heaving a sigh。 I was； indeed； haggard and forlorn。 〃Who art
thou？〃 he said at last。 〃A miserable man；〃 I replied。 〃What makes
thee miserable？〃 said the old man。 〃A hideous crime；〃 I replied。
〃I can find no rest； like Cain I wander here and there。〃 The old
man turned pale。 〃Hast thou taken another's life？〃 said he； 〃if
so； I advise thee to surrender thyself to the magistrate； thou
canst do no better； thy doing so will be the best proof of thy
repentance； and though there be no hope for thee in this world
there may be much in the next。〃 〃No；〃 said I； 〃I have never taken
another's life。〃 〃What then； another's goods？ If so； restore them
sevenfold； if possible： or； if it be not in thy power； and thy
conscience accuse thee； surrender thyself to the magistrate； and
make the only satisfaction thou art able。〃 〃I have taken no one's
goods；〃 said I。 〃Of what art thou guilty； then？〃 said he。 〃Art
thou a drunkard？ a profligate？〃 〃Alas； no；〃 said I； 〃I am neither
of these； would that I were no worse。〃
'Thereupon the old man looked steadfastly at me for some time；
then； after appearing to reflect； he said； 〃Young man； I have a
great desire to know your name。〃 〃What matters it to you what is
my name？〃 said I； 〃you know nothing of me。〃 〃Perhaps you are
mistaken；〃 said the old man； looking kindly at me； 〃but at all
events tell me your name。〃 I hesitated a moment； and then told him
who I was； whereupon he exclaimed with much emotion； 〃I thought so；
how wonderful are the ways of Providence。 I have heard of thee；
young man； and know thy mother well。 Only a month ago； when upon a
journey； I experienced much kindness from her。 She was speaking to
me of her lost child； with tears； she told me that you were one of
the best of sons； but that some strange idea appeared to have
occupied your mind。 Despair not； my son。 If thou hast been
afflicted； I doubt not but that thy affliction will eventually turn
out to thy benefit； I doubt not but that thou wilt be preserved； as
an example of the great mercy of God。 I will now kneel do