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had all the beauty of land and sea； all the glory of cloud and sunshine；
revealed to me？ Is it nothing to be able to look at my
fellow…creaturesto see the bright faces of children smile at me when I
speak to them？ Enough of myself！ I am unhappy and ungrateful when I think
of myself。
Let me write about Oscar。
My aunt approves of him。 She thinks him handsome； and says he has the
manners of a gentleman。 This last is high praise from Miss Batchford。 She
despises the present generation of young men。 〃In my time；〃 she said the
other day； 〃I used to see young gentlemen。 I only see young animals now；
well…fed； well…washed； well…dressed； riding animals； rowing animals；
betting animalsnothing more。〃
Oscar； on his side； seems to like Miss Batchford on better acquaintance。
When I first presented him to her； he rather surprised me by changing
color and looking very uneasy。 He is almost distressingly nervous； on
certain occasions。 I suppose my aunt's grand manner daunted him。
＇Note。I really must break in here。 Her aunt's 〃grand manner〃 makes me
sick。 It is nothing （between ourselves） but a hook…nose and a stiff pair
of stays。 What daunted Nugent Dubourg； when he first found himself in the
old lady's presence； was the fear of discovery。 He would no doubt have
learnt from his brother that Oscar and Miss Batchford had never met。 You
will see； if you look back； that it was； in the nature of things；
impossible they should have met。 But is it equally clear that Nugent
could find out beforehand that Miss Batchford had been left in ignorance
of what had happened at Dimchurch？ He could do nothing of the sorthe
could feel no assurance of his security from exposure； until he had tried
the ground in his own proper person first。 The risk here was certainly
serious enough to make even Nugent Dubourg feel uneasy。 And Lucilla talks
of her aunt's 〃grand manner！〃 Poor innocent！ I leave her to go on。P。＇
As soon as my aunt left us together； the first words I said to Oscar；
referred （of course） to his letter about Madame Pratolungo。
He made a little sign of entreaty； and looked distressed。
〃Why should we spoil the pleasure of our first meeting by talking of
her？〃 he said。 〃It is so inexpressibly painful to you and to me。 Let us
return to it in a day or two。 Not now； Lucillanot now！〃
His brother was the next subject in my mind。 I was not at all sure how he
would take my speaking about it。 I risked a question however； for all
that。 He made another sign of entreaty； and looked distressed again。
〃My brother and I understand each other； Lucilla。 He will remain abroad
for the present。 Shall we drop that subject； too？ Let me hear your own
newsI want to know what is going on at the rectory。 I have heard
nothing since you wrote me word that you were here with your aunt； and
that Madame Pratolungo had gone abroad to her father。 Is Mr。 Finch well？
Is he coming to Ramsgate to see you？〃
I was unwilling to tell him of the misunderstanding at home。 〃I have not
heard from my father since I have been here；〃 I said。 〃Now you have come
back； I can write and announce your return； and get all the news from the
rectory。〃
He looked at me rather strangelyin a way which led me to fear that he
saw some objection to my writing to my father。
〃I suppose you would like Mr。 Finch to come here？〃 he saidand then
stopped suddenly； and looked at me again。
〃There is very little chance of his coming here；〃 I answered。
Oscar seemed to be wonderfully interested about my father。 〃Very little
chance！〃 he repeated。 〃Why？〃
I was obliged to refer to the family quarrelstill； however； saying
nothing of the unjust manner in which my father had spoken of my aunt。
〃As long as I am with Miss Batchford；〃 I said； 〃it is useless to hope
that my father will come here。 They are on bad terms； and I am afraid
there is no prospect； at present； of their being friends again。 Do you
object to my writing home to say you have come to Ramsgate？〃 I asked。
〃I？〃 he exclaimed； looking the picture of astonishment。 〃What could
possibly make you think that？ Write by all meansand leave a little
space for me。 I will add a few lines to your letter。〃
It is impossible to say how his answer relieved me。 It was quite plain
that I had stupidly misinterpreted him。 Oh； my new eyes！ my new eyes！
shall I ever be able to depend on you as I could once depend on my touch？
＇Note。I must intrude myself again。 I shall burst with indignation while
I am copying the journal； if I don't relieve my mind at certain places in
it。 Remark； before you go any farther； how skillfully Nugent contrives to
ascertain his exact position at Ramsgateand see with what a fatal
unanimity all the chances of his personating Oscar； without discovery；
declare themselves in his favor！ Miss Batchford； as you have seen； is
entirely at his mercy。 She not only knows nothing herself； but she
operates as a check on Mr。 Finchwho would otherwise have joined his
daughter at Ramsgate； and have instantly exposed the conspiracy。 On every
side of him； Nugent is； to all appearance； safe。 I am away in one
direction。 Oscar is away in another。 Mrs。 Finch is anchored immovably in
her nursery。 Zillah has been sent back from London to the rectory。 The
Dimchurch doctor （who attended Oscar； and who might have proved an
awkward witness） is settled in Indiaas you will see； if you refer to
the twenty…second chapter。 The London doctor with whom he consulted has
long since ceased to have any relations with his former patient。 As for
Herr Grosse； if he appears on the scene； he can be trusted to shut his
eyes professionally to all that is going on； and to let matters take
their course in the only interest he recognizesthe interest of
Lucilla's health。 There is literally no obstacle in Nugent's wayand no
sort of protection for Lucilla； except in the faithful instinct which
persists in warning her that this is the wrong manthough it speaks in
an unknown tongue。 Will she end in understanding the warning before it is
too late？ My friend； this note is intended to relieve my mindnot yours。
All you have to do is to read on。 Here is the journal。 I won't stand
another moment in your way。P。＇
_September_ 2nd。A rainy day。 Very little said that is worth recording
between Oscar and me。
My aunt； whose spirits are always affected by bad weather； kept me a long
time in her sitting…room； amusing herself by making me exercise my sight。
Oscar was present by special invitation； and assisted the old lady in
setting this new seeing…sense of mine all sorts of tasks。 He tried hard
to prevail on me to let him see my writing。 I refused。 It is improving as
fast as it can； but it is not good enough yet。
I notice here what a dreadfully difficult thing it is to get backin
such a case as mineto the exercise of one's sight。
We have a cat and a dog in the house。 Would it be credited； if I was
telling it to the world instead of telling it to my Journal； that I
actually mistook one for the other to…day？after seeing so well； too； as
I do now； and being able to write with so few false strokes in making my
letters！ It is nevertheless true that I did mistake the two animals；
having trusted to nothing but my memory to inform my eyes which was
which； instead of helping my memory by my touch。 I have now set this
right。 I caught up puss； and shut my eyes （oh； that habit！ when shall I
get over it？） and felt her soft fur （so different from a dog's hair！） and
opened my eyes again； and associated the feel of the fur for ever
afterwards with the sight of a cat。
To…day's experience has also informed me that I make slow progress in
teaching myself to judge correctly of distances。
In spite of this drawback； however； there is nothing I enjoy so much in
using my sight as looking at a great wide prospect of any kindprovided
I am not asked to judge how far or how near objects may be。 It seems like
escaping out of prison； to look （after having been shut up in my
blindness） at the view over the town； and the bold promontory of the
pier； and the grand sweep of the sea beyondall visible from our
windows。
The moment my aunt begins to question me about distances； she makes a
toil of my pleasure。 It is worse still when I am asked about the relative
sizes of ships and boats。 When I see nothing but a boat； I fancy it
larger than it is。 When I see the boat in comparison with a ship； and
then look back at the boat； I instantly go to the other extreme； and
fancy it smaller than it is。 The setting this right still vexes me almost
as keenly as my stupidity vexed me some time since； when I saw my first
horse and cart from an upper window； and took it for a dog drawing a
wheelbarrow！ Let me add in my own defence that both horse and cart were
figured at least five times their proper size in my blind fancy； which
makes my mistake； I think； not so very stupid after all。
Well； I amused my aunt。 And what effect did I produce on Oscar？
If I could trust my eyes； I should say I produced exactly the contrary
effect on _him_I made him melancholy。 But I don't trust my eyes。 They
must be deceiving me when they tell me that he looked； in my company； a
moping； anxious； miserable man。
Or is it； that he sees