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beg your pardon for anything that I may have said or done to offend you。
I cannot submit to your hard verdict on me。 If you knew how I adore
Lucilla； you would make allowances for meyou would understand me better
than you do。 I cannot get your last cruel words out of my ears。 I cannot
meet you again without some explanation of them。 You stabbed me to the
heart； when you said to me this evening that it would be a happier
prospect for Lucilla if she had been going to marry my brother instead of
marrying me。 I hope you did not really mean that？ Will you please write
and tell me whether you did or not？
〃OSCAR。〃
Write and tell him？ It was absurd enoughwhen we were within a few
minutes' walk of each otherthat Oscar should prefer the cold formality
of a letter； to the friendly ease of a personal interview。 Why could he
not have called； and spoken to me？ We should have made it up together far
more comfortably in that wayand in half the time。 At any rate； I
determined to go to Browndown； and be good friends again； viva^…voce；
with this poor； weak； well…meaning； ill…judging boy。 Was it not monstrous
to have attached serious meaning to what Oscar had said when he was in a
panic of nervous terror！ His tone of writing so keenly distressed me that
I resented his letter on that very account。 It was one of the chilly
evenings of an English June。 A small fire was burning in the grate。 I
crumpled up the letter； and threw it； as I supposed； into the fire。
（After…events showed that I only threw it into a corner of the fender
instead。） Then； I put on my hat； without stopping to think of Lucilla； or
of what she was writing for the post； and ran off to Browndown。
Where do you think I found him？ Locked up in his own room！ His insane
shynessit was really nothing lessmade him shrink from that very
personal explanation which （with such a temperament as mine） was the only
possible explanation under the circumstances。 I had to threaten him with
forcing his door； before I could get him to show himself； and take my
hand。
Once face to face with him； I soon set things right。 I really believe he
had been half mad with his own self…imposed troubles； when he had
declared he would give me the lie at the door of Lucilla's room。
It is needless to dwell on what took place between us。 I shall only say
here that I had serious reason； at a later timeas you will soon seeto
regret not having humoured Oscar's request that I should reconcile myself
to him by writing； instead of by word of mouth。 If I had only placed on
record； in pen and ink； what I actually said in the way of making
atonement to him； I might have spared some suffering to myself and to
others。 As it was； the only proof that I had absolved myself in his
estimation consisted in his cordially shaking hands with me at the door；
when I left him。
〃Did you meet Nugent？〃 he asked； as he walked with me across the
enclosure in front of the house。
I had gone to Browndown by a short cut at the back of the garden； instead
of going through the village。 Having mentioned this； I asked if Nugent
had returned to the rectory。
〃He went back to see you；〃 said Oscar。
〃Why？〃
〃Only his usual kindness。 He takes your views of things。 He laughed when
he heard I had sent a letter to you； and he ran off （dear fellow！） to see
you on my behalf。 You must have met him； if you had come here by the
village。〃
On getting back to the rectory； I questioned Zillah。 Nugent； in my
absence； had run up into the sitting…room； had waited there a few minutes
alone； on the chance of my return； had got tired of waiting； and had gone
away again。 I inquired about Lucilla next。 A few minutes after Nugent had
gone； she had left her room； and she too had asked for me。 Hearing that I
was not to be found in the house； she had given Zillah a letter to
postand had then returned to her bed…chamber。
I happened to be standing by the hearth； looking into the dying fire；
while the nurse was speaking。 Not a vestige of Oscar's letter to me （as I
now well remember） was to be seen。 In my position； the plain conclusion
was that I had really done what I supposed myself to have donethat is
to say； thrown the letter into the flames。
Entering Lucilla's room； soon afterwards； to make my apologies for having
forgotten to wait and take her letter to the post； I found her； weary
enough after the events of the day； getting ready for bed。
〃I don't wonder at your being tired of waiting for me；〃 she said。
〃Writing is long； long work for me。 But this was a letter which I felt
bound to write myself； if I could。 Can you guess who I am corresponding
with？ It is done； my dear！ I have written to Herr Grosse！〃
〃Already！〃
〃What is there to wait for？ What is there left to determine on？ I have
told Herr Grosse that our family consultation is over； and that I am
entirely at his disposal for any length of time he may think right。 And I
warn him； if he attempts to put it off； that he will be only forcing on
me the inconvenience of going to him in London。 I have expressed that
part of my letter stronglyI can tell you！ He will get it to…morrow； by
the afternoon post。 And the next dayif he is a man of his wordhe will
be here。〃
〃Oh； Lucilla！ not to operate on your eyes？〃
〃Yesto operate on my eyes！〃
CHAPTER THE THIRTY…THIRD
The Day Between
THE interval…day before the second appearance of Herr Grosse； and the
experiment on Lucilla's sight that was to follow it； was marked by two
incidents which ought to be noticed in this place。
The first incident was the arrival； early in the morning； of another
letter addressed to me privately by Oscar Dubourg。 Like many other shy
people； he had a perfect mania； where any embarrassing circumstances were
concerned； for explaining himself； with difficulty； by means of his pen；
in preference to explaining himself； with ease； by means of his tongue。
Oscar's present communication informed me that he had left us for London
by the first morning train； and that his object in taking this sudden
journey wasto state his present position towards Lucilla to a gentleman
especially conversant with the peculiarities of blind people。 In plain
words； he had resolved on applying to Mr。 Sebright for advice。
〃I like Mr。 Sebright〃 （Oscar wrote） 〃as cordially as I detest Herr
Grosse。 The short conversation I had with him has left me with the
pleasantest impression of his delicacy and his kindness。 If I freely
reveal to this skillful surgeon the sad situation in which I am placed； I
believe his experience will throw an entirely new light on the present
state of Lucilla's mind； and on the changes which we may expect to see
produced in her； if she really does recover her sight。 The result may be
of incalculable benefit in teaching me how I may own the truth； most
harmlessly to her； as well as to myself。 Pray don't suppose I undervalue
your advice。 I only want to be doubly fortified； before I risk my
confession； by the advice of a scientific man。〃
All this I took to mean； in plain English； that vacillating Oscar wanted
to quiet his conscience by gaining time； and that his absurd idea of
consulting Mr。 Sebright was nothing less than a new and plausible excuse
for putting off the evil day。 His letter ended by pledging me to secrecy；
and by entreating me so to manage matters as to grant him a private
interview on his return to Dimchurch by the evening train。
I confess I felt some curiosity as to what would come of the proposed
consultation between unready Oscar and precise Mr。 Sebrightand I
accordingly arranged to take my walk alone； towards eight o'clock that
evening； on the road that led to the distant railway station。
The second incident of the day may be described as a confidential
conversation between Lucilla and myself； on the subject which now equally
absorbed us boththe momentous subject of her restoration to the
blessing of sight。
She joined me at the breakfast…table with her ready distrust newly
excited； poor thing； by Oscar。 He had accounted to her for his journey to
London by putting forward the commonplace excuse of 〃business。〃 She
instantly suspected （knowing how he felt about it） that he was secretly
bent on interfering with the performance of the operation by Herr Grosse。
I contrived to compose the anxiety thus aroused in her mind； by informing
her； on Oscar's own authority； that he personally disliked and distrusted
the German oculist。 〃Make your mind easy；〃 I said。 〃I answer for his not
venturing near Herr Grosse。〃
A long silence between us followed those words。 When Lucilla next
referred to Oscar in connection with the coming operation； the depressed
state of her spirits seemed to have quite altered her view of her own
prospects。 She； of all the people in the world； now spoke in
disparagement of the blessing conferred on the blind by the recovery of
their sight！
〃Do you know one thing？〃 she said。 〃If I had not been going to be married
to Oscar； I doubt if I should have cared to put any oculist； native or
foreign； to the trouble of coming to Dimchurch。〃
〃I don't think I understand you；〃 I answered。 〃You cannot surely mean to
say that you would not have been glad； under any circumstanc