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GIU。 Obliged to be careful？
DON AL。 Yesgout。 You see； in every Court there are
distinctions that must be observed。
GIU。 （puzzled）。 There are； are there？
DON AL。 Why； of course。 For instance； you wouldn't have a
Lord High Chancellor play leapfrog with his own cook。
MAR。 Why not？
DON AL。 Why not！ Because a Lord High Chancellor is a
personage of great dignity； who should never； under any
circumstances； place himself in the position of being told to
tuck in his tuppenny； except by noblemen of his own rank。 A Lord
High Archbishop； for instance； might tell a Lord High Chancellor
to tuck in his tuppenny； but certainly not a cook； gentlemen；
certainly not a cook。
GIU。 Not even a Lord High Cook？
DON AL。 My good friend； that is a rank that is not
recognized at the Lord Chamberlain's office。 No； no； it won't
do。 I'll give you an instance in which the experiment was tried。
SONGDON ALHAMBRA； with MARCO and GIUSEPPE。
DON AL。 There lived a King； as I've been told；
In the wonder…working days of old；
When hearts were twice as good as gold；
And twenty times as mellow。
Good…temper triumphed in his face；
And in his heart he found a place
For all the erring human race
And every wretched fellow。
When he had Rhenish wine to drink
It made him very sad to think
That some； at junket or at jink；
Must be content with toddy。
MAR。 and GIU。 With toddy； must be content with toddy。
DON AL。 He wished all men as rich as he
（And he was rich as rich could be）；
So to the top of every tree
Promoted everybody。
MAR。 and GIU。 Now； that's the kind of King for me。
He wished all men as rich as he；
So to the top of every tree
Promoted everybody！
DON AL。 Lord Chancellors were cheap as sprats；
And Bishops in their shovel hats
Were plentiful as tabby cats
In point of fact； too many。
Ambassadors cropped up like hay；
Prime Ministers and such as they
Grew like asparagus in May；
And Dukes were three a penny。
On every side Field…Marshals gleamed；
Small beer were Lords…Lieutenant deemed；
With Admirals the ocean teemed
All round his wide dominions。
MAR。 and GIU。 With Admirals all round his wide dominions。
DON AL。 And Party Leaders you might meet
In twos and threes in every street
Maintaining； with no little heat；
Their various opinions。
MAR。 and GIU。 Now that's a sight you couldn't beat
Two Party Leaders in each street
Maintaining； with no little heat；
Their various opinions。
DON AL。 That King； although no one denies
His heart was of abnormal size；
Yet he'd have acted otherwise
If he had been acuter。
The end is easily foretold；
When every blessed thing you hold
Is made of silver； or of gold；
You long for simple pewter。
When you have nothing else to wear
But cloth of gold and satins rare；
For cloth of gold you cease to care
Up goes the price of shoddy。
MAR。 and GIU。 Of shoddy； up goes the price of shoddy。
DON AL。 In short； whoever you may be；
To this conclusion you'll agree；
When every one is somebodee；
Then no one's anybody！
MAR。 and GIU。 Now that's as plain as plain can be；
To this conclusion we agree
ALL。 When every one is somebodee；
Then no one's anybody！
（Gianetta and Tessa enter unobserved。 The two girls； impelled by
curiosity； remain listening at the back of the stage。）
DON AL。 And now I have some important news to communicate。
His Grace the Duke of Plaza…Toro； Her Grace the Duchess； and
their beautiful daughter CasildaI say their beautiful daughter
Casilda
GIU。 We heard you。
DON AL。 Have arrived at Barataria； and may be here at any
moment。
MAR。 The Duke and Duchess are nothing to us。
DON AL。 But the daughterthe beautiful daughter！ Aha！
Oh； you're a lucky dog； one of you！
GIU。 I think you're a very incomprehensible old gentleman。
DON AL。 Not a bitI'll explain。 Many years ago when you
（whichever you are） were a baby； you （whichever you are） were
married to a little girl who has grown up to be the most
beautiful young lady in Spain。 That beautiful young lady will be
here to claim you （whichever you are） in half an hour； and I
congratulate that one （whichever it is） with all my heart。
MAR。 Married when a baby！
GIU。 But we were married three months ago！
DON AL。 One of youonly one。 The other （whichever it is）
is an unintentional bigamist。
GIA。 and TESS。 （coming forward）。 Well； upon my word！
DON AL。 Eh？ Who are these young people？
TESS。 Who are we？ Why； their wives； of course。 We've just
arrived。
DON AL。 Their wives！ Oh dear； this is very unfortunate！
Oh dear； this complicates matters！ Dear； dear； what will Her
Majesty say？
GIA。 And do you mean to say that one of these Monarchs was
already married？
TESS。 And that neither of us will be a Queen？
DON AL。 That is the idea I intended to convey。 （Tessa and
Gianetta begin to cry。）
GIU。 （to Tessa）。 Tessa； my dear； dear child
TESS。 Get away！ perhaps it's you！
MAR。 （to Gia。）。 My poor； poor little woman！
GIA。 Don't！ Who knows whose husband you are？
TESS。 And pray； why didn't you tell us all about it before
they left Venice？
DON AL。 Because； if I had； no earthly temptation would have
induced these gentlemen to leave two such extremely fascinating
and utterly irresistible little ladies！
TESS。 There's something in that。
DON AL。 I may mention that you will not be kept long in
suspense； as the old lady who nursed the Royal child is at
present in the torture chamber； waiting for me to interview her。
GIU。 Poor old girl。 Hadn't you better go and put her out
of her suspense？
DON AL。 Oh nothere's no hurryshe's all right。 She has
all the illustrated papers。 However； I'll go and interrogate
her； and； in the meantime； may I suggest the absolute propriety
of your regarding yourselves as single young ladies。 Good
evening！
（Exit Don
Alhambra。）
GIA。 Well； here's a pleasant state of things！
MAR。 Delightful。 One of us is married to two young ladies；
and nobody knows which； and the other is married to one young
lady whom nobody can identify！
GIA。 And one of us is married to one of you； and the other
is married to nobody。
TESS。 But which of you is married to which of us； and
what's to become of the other？ （About to cry。）
GIU。 It's quite simple。 Observe。 Two husbands have
managed to acquire three wives。 Three wivestwo husbands。
（Reckoning up。） That's two…thirds of a husband to each wife。
TESS。 O Mount Vesuvius； here we are in arithmetic！ My good
sir； one can't marry a vulgar fraction！
GIU。 You've no right to call me a vulgar fraction。
MAR。 We are getting rather mixed。 The situation is
entangled。 Let's try and comb it out。
QUARTETMARCO； GIUSEPPE； GIANETTA； TESSA。
In a contemplative fashion；
And a tranquil frame of mind；
Free from every kind of passion；
Some solution let us find。
Let us grasp the situation；
Solve the complicated plot
Quiet； calm deliberation
Disentangles every knot。
TESS。I； no doubt； Giuseppe wedded THE OTHERS。 In a
contemplative
That's； of course； a slice of luck fashion；
etc。
He is rather dunder…headed。
Still distinctly； he's a duck。
GIA。 I； a victim； too； of Cupid； THE OTHERS。 Let
us grasp the
Marco married … that is clear。 situation；
etc。
He's particularly stupid；
Still distinctly； he's a dear。
MAR。 To Gianetta I was mated； THE OTHERS。 In a
contemplative
I can prove it in a trice： fashion；
etc。
Though her charms are overrated；
Still I own she's rather nice。
GIU。 I to Tessa； willy…nilly； THE OTHERS。 Let us
grasp the
All at once a victim fell。 situation；
etc。
She is what is called a silly；
Still she answers pretty well。