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excessively severe。
NANK。 But we are quite alone； and nobody can see us。
YUM。 Still； that don't make it right。 To flirt is capital。
NANK。 It is capital！
YUM。 And we must obey the law。
NANK。 Deuce take the law！
YUM。 I wish it would； but it won't！
NANK。 If it were not for that； how happy we might be！
YUM。 Happy indeed！
NANK。 If it were not for the law； we should now be sitting
side by side； like that。 （Sits by her。）
YUM。 Instead of being obliged to sit half a mile off； like
that。 （Crosses and sits at other side of stage。）
NANK。 We should be gazing into each other's eyes； like
that。 （Gazing at her sentimentally。）
YUM。 Breathing sighs of unutterable lovelike that。
（Sighing and gazing lovingly at him。）
NANK。 With our arms round each other's waists； like that。
（Embracing her。）
YUM。 Yes； if it wasn't for the law。
NANK。 If it wasn't for the law。
YUM。 As it is； of course we couldn't do anything of the
kind。
NANK。 Not for worlds！
YUM。 Being engaged to Ko…Ko； you know！
NANK。 Being engaged to Ko…Ko！
DUETYUM…YUM and NANKI…POO。
NANK。 Were you not to Ko…Ko plighted；
I would say in tender tone；
〃Loved one； let us be united
Let us be each other's own！〃
I would merge all rank and station；
Worldly sneers are nought to us；
And； to mark my admiration；
I would kiss you fondly thus （Kisses her。）
BOTH。 I/He would kiss you/me fondly thus （Kiss。）
YUM。 But as I'm engaged to Ko…Ko；
To embrace you thus； con fuoco；
Would distinctly be no giuoco；
And for yam I should get toko
BOTH。 Toko； toko； toko； toko！
NANK。 So； In spite of all temptation；
Such a theme I'll not discuss；
And on no consideration
Will I kiss you fondly thus （Kissing her。）
Let me make it clear to you；
This is what I'll never do！
This； oh； this； oh； this； oh； this；（Kissing
her。）
TOGETHER。 This； oh； this； etc。
＇Exeunt in opposite
directions。
Enter Ko…Ko。
KO。 （looking after Yum…Yum）。 There she goes！ To think how
entirely my future happiness is wrapped up in that little parcel！
Really； it hardly seems worth while！ Oh； matrimony！ （Enter
Pooh…Bah and Pish…Tush。） Now then； what is it？ Can't you see I'm
soliloquizing？ You have interrupted an apostrophe； sir！
PISH。 I am the bearer of a letter from his Majesty the
Mikado。
KO。 （taking it from him reverentially）。 A letter from the
Mikado！ What in the world can he have to say to me？ （Reads
letter。） Ah； here it is at last！ I thought it would come sooner
or later！ The Mikado is struck by the fact that no executions
have taken place in Titipu for a year； and decrees that unless
somebody is beheaded within one month the post of Lord High
Executioner shall be abolished； and the city reduced to the rank
of a village！
PISH。 But that will involve us all in irretrievable ruin！
KO。 Yes。 There is no help for it； I shall have to execute
somebody at once。 The only question is； who shall it be？
POOH。 Well； it seems unkind to say so； but as you're
already under sentence of death for flirting； everything seems to
point to you。
KO。 To me？ What are you talking about？ I can't execute
myself。
POOH。 Why not？
KO。 Why not？ Because； in the first place； self
decapitation is an extremely difficult； not to say dangerous；
thing to attempt； and； in the second； it's suicide； and suicide
is a capital offence。
POOH。 That is so； no doubt。
PISH。 We might reserve that point。
POOH。 True； it could be argued six months hence； before the
full Court。
KO。 Besides； I don't see how a man can cut off his own
head。
POOH。 A man might try。
PISH。 Even if you only succeeded in cutting it half off；
that would be something。
POOH。 It would be taken as an earnest of your desire to
comply with the Imperial will。
KO。 No。 Pardon me； but there I am adamant。 As official
Headsman； my reputation is at stake； and I can't consent to
embark on a professional operation unless I see my way to a
successful result。
POOH。 This professional conscientiousness is highly
creditable to you； but it places us in a very awkward position。
KO。 My good sir； the awkwardness of your position is grace
itself compared with that of a man engaged in the act of cutting
off his own head。
PISH。 I am afraid that； unless you can obtain a substitute
KO。 A substitute？ Oh； certainlynothing easier。 （To
Pooh…Bah。） Pooh…Bah； I appoint you Lord High Substitute。
POOH。 I should be delighted。 Such an appointment would
realize my fondest dreams。 But no； at any sacrifice； I must set
bounds to my insatiable ambition！
TRIO
Ko…Ko Pooh…Bah Pish…Tush
My brain it teams I am so proud； I heard one
day
With endless schemes If I allowed A gentleman
say
Both good and new My family pride That criminals
who
For Titipu； To be my guide； Are cut in two
But if I flit； I'd volunteer Can hardly
feel
The benefit To quit this sphere The fatal
steel；
That I'd diffuse Instead of you And so are
slain
The town would lose！ In a minute or two； Without much
pain。
Now every man But family pride If this is
true；
To aid his clan Must be denied； It's jolly for
you；
Should plot and plan And set aside； Your courage
screw
As best he can； And mortified。 To bid us
adieu；
And so； And so； And go
Although Although And show
I'm ready to go； I wish to go； Both friend
and foe
Yet recollect And greatly pine How much you
dare。
'Twere disrespect To brightly shine； I'm quite
aware
Did I neglect And take the line It's your
affair；
To thus effect Of a hero fine； Yet I declare
This aim direct； With grief condign I'd take your
share；
So I object I must decline But I don't
much care
So I object I must decline I don't much
care
So I object I must decline I don't much
care
ALL。 To sit in solemn silence in a dull； dark dock；
In a pestilential prison； with a life…long lock；
Awaiting the sensation of a short； sharp shock；
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block！
＇Exeunt Pooh。
and Pish。
KO。 This is simply appalling！ I； who allowed myself to be
respited at the last moment； simply in order to benefit my native
town； am now required to die within a month； and that by a man
whom I have loaded with honours！ Is this public gratitude？ Is
this… （Enter Nanki…Poo； with a rope in his hands。） Go away；
sir！ How dare you？ Am I never to be permitted to soliloquize？
NANK。 Oh； go ondon't mind me。
KO。 What are you going to do with that rope？
NANK。 I am about to terminate an unendurabIe existence。
KO。 Terminate your existence？ Oh； nonsense！ What for？
NANK。 Because you are going to marry the girl I adore。
KO。 Nonsense； sir。 I won't permit it。 I am a humane man；
and if you attempt anything of the kind I shall order your
instant arrest。 Come； sir； desist at once or I summon my guard。
NANK。 That's absurd。 If you attempt to raise an alarm； I
instantly perform the Happy Despatch with this dagger。
KO。 No； no； don't do that。 This is horrible！ （Suddenly。）
Why； you cold…blooded scoundrel； are you aware that； in taking
your life； you are committing a crime whichwhichwhich is
Oh！ （Struck by an idea。） Substitute！
NANK。 What's the matter？
KO。 Is it absolutely certain that you are resolved to die？
NANK。 Absolutely！
KO。 Will nothing shake your resolution？
NANK。 Nothing。
KO。 Threats； entreaties； prayersall useless？
NANK。 All！ My mind is made up。
KO。 Then； if you really mean what you say； and if you are
absolutely resolved to die； and if nothing whatever will shake
your determinationdon't spoil yourself by committing suicide；
but be beheaded handsomely at the hand