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And they'll cut a dash
On their wedding day。
She'll toddle away； as all aver；
With the Lord High Executioner '
NANK。 and POOH。 And the brass will crash； etc。
It's a hopeless case；
As you may see；
And in your place
Away I'd flee；
But don't blame me
I'm sorry to be
Of your pleasure a diminutioner。
They'll vow their pact
Extremely soon；
In point of fact
This afternoon。
Her honeymoon
With that buffoon
At seven commences； so you shun her！
ALL。 And the brass will crash； etc。
＇Exit
Pish…Tush。
RECIT。NANKI…POO and POOH…BAH。
NANK。 And I have journeyed for a month； or nearly；
To learn that Yum…Yum； whom I love so dearly；
This day to Ko…Ko is to be united！
POOH。 The fact appears to be as you've recited：
But here he comes； equipped as suits his station；
He'll give you any further information。
＇Exeunt Pooh…Bah and
Nanki…Poo。
Enter Chorus of Nobles。
Behold the Lord High Executioner
A personage of noble rank and title
A dignified and potent officer；
Whose functions are particularly vital！
Defer； defer；
To the Lord High Executioner！
Enter Ko…Ko attended。
SOLOKO…KO。
Taken from the county jail
By a set of curious chances；
Liberated then on bail；
On my own recognizances；
Wafted by a favouring gale
As one sometimes is in trances；
To a height that few can scale；
Save by long and weary dances；
Surely； never had a male
Under such like circumstances
So adventurous a tale；
Which may rank with most romances。
CHORUS。 Defer； defer；
To the Lord High Executioner； etc。
KO。 Gentlemen； I'm much touched by this reception。 I can
only trust that by strict attention to duty I shall ensure a
continuance of those favours which it will ever be my study to
deserve。 If I should ever be called upon to act professionally；
I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding
plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at
large。
SONGKO…KO with CHORUS OF MEN。
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found；
I've got a little listI've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground；
And who never would be missedwho never would be missed！
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs
All children who are up in dates； and floor you with 'em flat
All persons who in shaking hands； shake hands with you like
that
And all third persons who on spoiling ttettes insist
They'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be missed！
CHORUS。 He's got 'em on the listhe's got 'em on the list；
And they'll none of 'em be missedthey'll none of
'em be missed。
There's the banjo serenader； and the others of his race；
And the piano…organistI've got him on the list！
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face；
They never would be missedthey never would be missed！
Then the idiot who praises； with enthusiastic tone；
All centuries but this； and every country but his own；
And the lady from the provinces； who dresses like a guy；
And who 〃doesn't think she waltzes； but would rather like to
try〃；
And that singular anomaly； the lady novelist
I don't think she'd be missedI'm sure she'd not he missed！
CHORUS。 He's got her on the listhe's got her on the list；
And I don't think she'll be missedI'm sure
she'll not be missed！
And that Nisi Prius nuisance； who just now is rather rife；
The Judicial humoristI've got him on the list！
All funny fellows； comic men； and clowns of private life
They'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be missed。
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind；
Such asWhat d'ye call himThing'em…bob； and
likewiseNever…mind；
And 'St'st'stand What's…his…name； and also You…know…who
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you。
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list；
For they'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be
missed！
CHORUS。 You may put 'em on the listyou may put 'em on the
list；
And they'll none of 'em be missedthey'll none of
'em be missed！
Enter Pooh…Bah。
KO。 Pooh…Bah； it seems that the festivities in connection
with my approaching marriage must last a week。 I should like to
do it handsomely； and I want to consult you as to the amount I
ought to spend upon them。
POOH。 Certainly。 In which of my capacities？ As First Lord
of the Treasury； Lord Chamberlain； Attorney General； Chancellor
of the Exchequer； Privy Purse； or Private Secretary？
KO。 Suppose we say as Private Secretary。
POOH。 Speaking as your Private Secretary； I should say
that； as the city will have to pay for it； don't stint yourself；
do it well。
KO。 Exactlyas the city will have to pay for it。 That is
your advice。
POOH。 As Private Secretary。 Of course you will understand
that； as Chancellor of the Exchequer； I am bound to see that due
economy is observed。
KO。 Oh！ But you said just now 〃Don't stint yourself； do it
well〃。
POOH。 As Private Secretary。
KO。 And now you say that due economy must be observed。
POOH。 As Chancellor of the Exchequer。
KO。 I see。 Come over here； where the Chancellor can't hear
us。 （They cross the stage。） Now； as my Solicitor； how do you
advise me to deal with this difficulty？
POOH。 Oh； as your Solicitor； I should have no hesitation in
saying 〃Chance it〃
KO。 Thank you。 （Shaking his hand。） I will。
POOH。 If it were not that； as Lord Chief Justice； I am
bound to see that the law isn't violated。
KO。 I see。 Come over here where the Chief Justice can't
hear us。 （They cross the stage。） Now； then； as First Lord of
the Treasury？
POOH。 Of course； as First Lord of the Treasury； I could
propose a special vote that would cover all expenses； if it were
not that； as Leader of the Opposition； it would be my duty to
resist it； tooth and nail。 Or； as Paymaster General； I could so
cook the accounts that； as Lord High Auditor； I should never
discover the fraud。 But then； as Archbishop of Titipu； it would
be my duty to denounce my dishonesty and give myself into my own
custody as first Commissioner of Police。
KO。 That's extremely awkward。
POOH。 I don't say that all these distinguished people
couldn't be squared； but it is right to tell you that they
wouldn't be sufficiently degraded in their own estimation unless
they were insulted with a very considerable bribe。
KO。 The matter shall have my careful consideration。 But my
bride and her sisters approach； and any little compliment on your
part； such as an abject grovel in a characteristic Japanese
attitude； would be esteemed a favour。
POOH。 No money； no grovel！
＇Exeunt
together。
Enter procession of Yum…Yum's schoolfellows； heralding Yum…Yum；
Peep…Bo； and Pitti…Sing。
CHORUS OF GIRLS。
Comes a train of little ladies
From scholastic trammels free；
Each a little bit afraid is；
Wondering what the world can be！
Is it but a world of trouble
Sadness set to song？
Is its beauty but a bubble
Bound to break ere long？
Are its palaces and pleasures
Fantasies that fade？
And the glory of its treasures
Shadow of a shade？
Schoolgirls we； eighteen and under；
From scholastic trammels free；
And we wonderhow we wonder！
What on earth the world can be！
TRIO。
YUM…YUM； PEEP…BO； and PITTI…SING； with CHORUS OF GIRLS。
THE THREE。 Three little maids from school are we；
Pert as a school…girl wel