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If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool；
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea；
And you all may be rulers of the Queen's Navee！
CHORUS。Stick close； etc。
SIR JOSEPH。 You've a remarkably fine crew； Captain Corcoran。
CAPT。 It is a fine crew； Sir Joseph。
SIR JOSEPH。 （examining a very small midshipman）。 A British
sailor is a
splendid fellow； Captain Corcoran。
CAPT。 A splendid fellow indeed； Sir Joseph。
SIR JOSEPH。 I hope you treat your crew kindly； Captain
Corcoran。
CAPT。 Indeed I hope so； Sir Joseph。
SIR JOSEPH； Never forget that they are the bulwarks of
England's
greatness； Captain Corcoran。
CAPT。 So I have always considered them； Sir Joseph。
SIR JOSEPH。 No bullying； I trustno strong language of any
kind； eh？
CAPT。 Oh； never； Sir Joseph。
SIR JOSEPH。 What； never？
CAPT。 Hardly ever； Sir Joseph。 They are an excellent crew； and
do their
work thoroughly without it。
SIR JOSEPH。 Don't patronise them； sirpray； don't patronise
them。
CAPT。 Certainly not； Sir Joseph。
SIR JOSEPH。 That you are their captain is an accident of birth。
I
cannot permit these noble fellows to be patronised because an
accident of
birth has placed you above them and them below you。
CAPT。 I am the last person to insult a British sailor； Sir
Joseph。
SIR JOSEPH。 You are the last person who did； Captain Corcoran。
Desire
that splendid seaman to step forward。
（DICK comes forward）
SIR JOSEPH。 No； no； the other splendid seaman。
CAPT。 Ralph Rackstraw； three paces to the frontmarch！
SIR JOSEPH （sternly）。 If what？
CAPT。 I beg your pardonI don't think I understand you。
SIR JOSEPH。 If you please。
CAPT。 Oh； yes； of course。 If you please。 （RALPH steps forward。）
SIR JOSEPH。 You're a remarkably fine fellow。
RALPH。 Yes； your honour。
SIR JOSEPH。 And a first…rate seaman； I'll be bound。
RALPH。 There's not a smarter topman in the Navy； your honour；
though I
say it who shouldn't。
SIR JOSEPH。 Not at all。 Proper self…respect； nothing more。 Can
you
dance a hornpipe？
RALPH。 No； your honour。
SIR JOSEPH。 That's a pity： all sailors should dance hornpipes。
I will
teach you one this evening； after dinner。 Now tell medon't be
afraid
how does your captain treat you； eh？
RALPH。 A better captain don't walk the deck； your honour。
ALL。 Aye； Aye！
SIR JOSEPH。 Good。 I like to hear you speak well of your
commanding
officer； I daresay he don't deserve it； but still it does you
credit。 Can
you sing？
RALPH。 I can hum a little； your honour。
SIR JOSEPH。 Then hum this at your leisure。 （Giving him MS。
music。） It
is a song that I have composed for the use of the Royal Navy。 It
is
designed to encourage independence of thought and action in the
lower
branches of the service； and to teach the principle that a
British sailor
is any man's equal； excepting mine。 Now； Captain Corcoran； a word
with
you in your cabin； on a tender and sentimental subject。
CAPT。 Aye； aye；
Sir Joseph （Crossing） Boatswain； in commemoration of this
joyous
occasion； see that extra grog is served out to the ship's company
at
seven bells。
BOAT。 Beg pardon。 If what； your honour？
CAPT。 If what？ I don't think I understand you。
BOAT。 If you please； your honour。
CAPT。 What！
SIR JOSEPH。 The gentleman is quite right。 If you please。
CAPT。 （stamping his foot impatiently）。 If you please！
＇Exit。
SIR JOSEPH。 For I hold that on the seas
The expression； 〃if you please〃；
A particularly gentlemanly tone implants。
COUSIN HEBE。 And so do his sisters； and his cousins； and his
aunts！
ALL。 And so do his sisters； and his cousins； and his
aunts！
＇Exeunt SIR JOSEPH AND
RELATIVES。
BOAT。 Ah！ Sir Joseph's true gentleman； courteous and
considerate to the
very humblest。
RALPH。 True； Boatswain； but we are not the very humblest。 Sir
Joseph
has explained our true position to us。 As he says； a British
seaman is
any man's equal excepting his； and if Sir Joseph says that； is it
not our
duty to believe him？
ALL。 Well spoke！ well spoke！
DICK。 You're on a wrong tack； and so is he。 He means well； but
he don't
know。 When people have to obey other people's orders； equality's
out of
the question。
ALL （recoiling）。 Horrible！ horrible！
BOAT。 Dick Deadeye； if you go for to infuriate this here ship's
company
too far； I won't answer for being able to hold 'em in。 I'm
shocked！
that's what I amshocked！
RALPH。 Messmates； my mind's made up。 I'll speak to the
captain's
daughter； and tell her； like an honest man； of the honest love I
have for
her。
ALL。 Aye； aye！
RALPH。 Is not my love as good as another's？ Is not my heart as
true as
another's？ Have I not hands and eyes and ears and limbs like
another？
ALL。 Aye； Aye！
RALPH。 True； I lack birth
BOAT。 You've a berth on board this very ship。
RALPH。 Well saidI had forgotten that。 Messmateswhat do you
say？ Do
you approve my determination？
ALL。 We do。
DICK。 I don t。
BOAT。 What is to be done with this here hopeless chap？ Let us
sing him
the song that Sir Joseph has kindly composed for us。 Perhaps it
will
bring this here miserable creetur to a proper state of mind。
GLEE！RALPH； BOATSWAIN； BOATSWAIN'S MATE； and CHORUS
A British tar is a soaring soul；
As free as a mountain bird；
His energetic fist should be ready to resist
A dictatorial word。
His nose should pant and his lip should curl；
His cheeks should flame and his brow should furl；
His bosom should heave and his heart should glow；
And his fist be ever ready for a knock…down blow。
CHORUS。His nose should pant； etc。
His eyes should flash with an inborn fire；
His brow with scorn be wrung；
He never should bow down to a domineering frown；
Or the tang of a tyrant tongue。
His foot should stamp and his throat should growl；
His hair should twirl and his face should scowl；
His eyes should flash and his breast protrude；
And this should be his customary attitude（pose）。
CHORUS。His foot should stamp； etc。
＇All dance off excepting RALPH； who remains； leaning pensively
against
bulwark。
Enter JOSEPHINE from cabin
JOS。 It is uselessSir Joseph's attentions nauseate me。 I know
that he
is a truly great and good man； for he told me so himself； but to
me he
seems tedious； fretful； and dictatorial。 Yet his must be a mind
of no
common order； or he would not dare to teach my dear father to
dance a
hornpipe on the cabin table。 （Sees RALPH。） Ralph Rackstraw！
（Overcome by
emotion。）
RALPH。 Aye； ladyno other than poor Ralph Rackstraw！
JOS。 （aside）。 How my heart beats！ （Aloud） And why poor； Ralph？
RALPH。 I am poor in the essence of happiness； ladyrich only
in never…
ending unrest。 In me there meet a combination of antithetical
elements
which are at eternal war with one another。 Driven hither by
objective
influencesthither by subjective emotionswafted one moment
into
blazing day； by mocking hopeplunged the next into the Cimmerian
darkness of tangible despair； I am but a living ganglion of
irreconcilable antagonisms。 I hope I make myself clear； lady？
JOS。 Perfectly。 （Aside。） His simple eloquence goes to my heart。
Oh； if
I daredbut no； the thought is madness！ （Aloud。） Dismiss these
foolish
fancies； they torture you but needlessly。 Come； make one effort。
RALPH （aside）。 I willone。 （Aloud。） Josephine！
JOS。 （Indignantly）。 Sir！
RALPH。 Aye； even though Jove's armoury were launched at the
head of the
audacious mortal whose lips； unhallowed by relationship； dared to
breathe
that precious word； yet would I breathe it once； and then
perchance be
silent evermore。 Josephine； in one brief breath I will
concentrate the
hopes； the doubts； the anxious fears of six weary months。
Josephine； I am
a British sailor； and I love you！
JOS。 Sir； this audacity！ （Aside。） Oh； my heart； my beating
heart！
（Aloud。） This unwarrantable presumption on the part of a common
sailor！
（Aside。） Common！ oh； the irony of the word！ （Crossing； aloud。）
Oh； sir；
you forget the disparity in our ranks。
RALPH。 I forget nothing； haughty lady。 I love you desperately；
my life
is in your handI lay it at your feet！ Give me hope； and what I
lack in
education and polite accomplishments； that I will endeav