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Young and wealthy； dark and fair；
All of county family。
And we die for love of thee
Twenty love…sick maidens we！
MAIDENS Yes； we die for love of thee
Twenty love…sick maidens we！
BUNTHORNE ＇crossing to L。＇ Though my book I seem to scan
In a rapt ecstatic way；
Like a literary man
Who despises female clay；
I hear plainly all they say；
Twenty love…sick maidens they！
＇BUNTHORNE crosses to C。＇
DRAGOONS ＇to each other＇ He hears plainly all they say；
Twenty love…sick maidens they！
SAPHIR ＇L。 of BUNTHORNE＇ Though so excellently wise；
For a moment mortal be；
Deign to raise thy purple eyes
From thy heart…drawn poesy。
Twenty lovesick maidens see
Each is kneeling on her knee！
＇All kneel。＇
MAIDENS Twenty love…sick maidens see
Each is kneeling on her knee！
BUNTHORNE ＇going R。＇ Though； as I remarked before；
Any one convinced would be
That some transcendental lore
Is monopolizing me；
Round the corner I can see
Each is kneeling on her knee！
DRAGOONS Round the corner he can see
Each is kneeling on her knee！
Now is not this ridiculous； and is not this preposterous？
A thorough…paced absurdity ridiculous！
preposterous！
Explain it if you can。
MAIDENS DRAGOONS
In a doleful train Now is not this ridiculous；
Two and two we walk all day； and is not this preposterous？
A thorough…paced absurdity
None so sorrowful as they explain it if you can。
For we love in vain！ Instead of rushing eagerly
None so sorrowful as they to cherish us and foster us；
They all prefer this
melancholy literary man。
Who can only sigh and say； Instead of slyly peering at us；
Casting looks endearing at us；
Blushing at us； flushing at us；
Flirting with a fan；
Woe is me； alackaday！ They're actually sneering at us；
fleering at us； jeering at us！
Pretty sort of treatment for
a military man！
Woe is me； alackaday！ They're actually sneering at us；
fleering at us； jeering at us！
Pretty sort of treatment for
a military man！
Twenty love…sick maidens we； Now is not this ridiculous；
and is not this preposterous？
They all prefer this melancholy
literary man。
And we die for love of thee！ Now is not this ridiculous；
and is not this preposterous？
They all prefer this melancholy；
Yes； we die for love of thee！ melancholy literary man。
Now is not this ridiculous；
and is not this preposterous？
COLONEL ＇R。C。＇ Angela！ what is the meaning of this？
ANGELA ＇C。＇ Oh； sir； leave us； our minds are but ill…tuned to
light love…talk。
MAJOR ＇L。C。＇ But what in the world has come over you all？
JANE ＇L。C。＇ Bunthorne！ He has come over us。 He has come among
us； and he has idealized us。
DUKE Has he succeeded in idealizing you？
JANE He has！
DUKE Good old Bunthorne！
JANE My eyes are open； I droop despairingly； I am soulfully
intense； I am limp and I cling！
＇During this BUNTHORNE is seen in all the agonies of composition。
The Ladies are watching him intently as he writhes。 At last
he hits on the word he wants and writes it down。 A general
sense of relief。＇
BUN。 Finished！ At last！ Finished！
＇He staggers； overcome with the mental strain； into the arms of
the COLONEL。＇
COLONEL Are you better now？
BUN。 Yes oh； it's you！ I am better now。 The poem is
finished； and my soul has gone out into it。 That was all。 It
was nothing worth mentioning； it occurs three times a day。
＇Sees PATIENCE； who has entered during this scene。＇
Ah； Patience！ Dear Patience！
＇Holds her hand； she seems frightened。＇
ANGELA Will it please you read it to us； sir？
SAPHIR This we supplicate。 ＇All kneel。＇
BUN。 Shall I？
DRAGOONS No！
BUN。 ＇annoyed to PATIENCE＇ I will read it if you bid me！
PATIENCE ＇much frightened＇ You can if you like！
BUN。 It is a wild； weird； fleshy thing； yet very tender； very
yearning； very precious。 It is called； 〃Oh； Hollow！ Hollow！
Hollow！〃
PATIENCE Is it a hunting song？
BUN。 A hunting song？ No； it is not a hunting song。 It is the
wail of the poet's heart on discovering that everything is
commonplace。 To understand it； cling passionately to one another
and think of faint lilies。
＇They do so as he recites＇
〃OH； HOLLOW！ HOLLOW！ HOLLOW！〃
What time the poet hath hymned
The writhing maid； lithe…limbed；
Quivering on amaranthine asphodel；
How can he paint her woes；
Knowing； as well he knows；
That all can be set right with calomel？
When from the poet's plinth
The amorous colocynth
Yearns for the aloe； faint with rapturous thrills；
How can he hymn their throes
Knowing； as well he knows；
That they are only uncompounded pills？
Is it； and can it be；
Nature hath this decree；
Nothing poetic in the world shall dwell？
Or that in all her works
Something poetic lurks；
Even in colocynth and calomel？
I cannot tell。
＇He goes off； L。U。E。 All turn and watch him； not speaking until
he has gone。＇
ANGELA How purely fragrant！
SAPHIR How earnestly precious！
PATIENCE Well； it seems to me to be nonsense。
SAPHIR Nonsense； yes； perhaps but oh； what precious nonsense！
COLONEL This is all very well； but you seem to forget that you
are engaged to us。
SAPHIR It can never be。 You are not Empyrean。 You are not
Della Cruscan。 You are not even Early English。 Oh； be Early
English ere it is too late！
＇Officers look at each other in astonishment。＇
JANE ＇looking at uniform＇ Red and Yellow！ Primary colors！ Oh；
South Kensington！
DUKE We didn't design our uniforms； but we don't see how they
could be improved！
JANE No； you wouldn't。 Still； there is a cobwebby grey velvet；
with a tender bloom like cold gravy； which； made Florentine
fourteenth century； trimmed with Venetian leather and Spanish
altar lace； and surmounted with something Japanese it matters
not what would at least be Early English！ Come； maidens。
＇Exeunt Maidens； L。U。E。； two and two； singing refrain of 〃Twenty
love…sick maidens we〃。 PATIENCE goes off L。 The Officers
watch the Ladies go off in astonishment。＇
No。 4a。 Twenty love…sick maidens we
（Chorus）
Maidens
＇As the MAIDENS depart； the DRAGOONS spread across the stage。＇
MAIDENS Twenty love…sick maidens we；
Love…sick all against our will。
Twenty years hence we shall be
Twenty love…sick maidens still！
Ah； miserie！
DUKE Gentlemen； this is an insult to the British uniform。
COLONEL A uniform that has been as successful in the courts of
Venus as on the field of Mars！
No。 5。 When I first put this uniform on
（Solo and Chorus）
Colonel and Dragoons
＇The DRAGOONS form their original line。＇
Song COLONEL
When I first put this uniform on；
I said； as I looked in the glass；
〃It's one to a million
That any civilian
My figure and form will surpass。
Gold lace has a charm for the fair；
And I've plenty of that； and to spare；
While a lover's professions；
When uttered in Hessians；
Are eloquent ev'rywhere！〃
A fact that I counted upon；
When I first put this uniform on！
Chorus of DRAGOO