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nevertheless a living man； and now he is dead； and so；
by your leave； my tears may flow unchidden； Master
Point。
FAIRFAX And thou didst see all this？
POINT Aye； with both eyes at once this and that。 The
testimony of one eye is naught he may lie。 But when
it is corroborated by the other； it is good evidence
that none may gainsay。 Here are both present in court；
ready to swear to him！
PHOEBE But art thou sure it was Colonel Fairfax？ Saw you his
face？
POINT Aye； and a plaguey ill…favoured face too。 A very hang…
dog face a felon face a face to fright the headsman
himself； and make him strike awry。 Oh； a plaguey； bad
face； take my word for it。 ＇PHOEBE and FAIRFAX laugh＇
How they laugh！ 〃Tis ever thus with simple folk an
accepted wit has but to say 〃Pass the mustard；〃 and
they roar their ribs out！
FAIRFAX ＇aside＇ If ever I come to life again； thou shalt pay
for this； Master Point！
POINT Now； Elsie； thou art free to choose again； so behold
me： I am young and well…favoured。 I have a pretty wit。
I can jest you； jibe you； quip you； crank you； wrack
you； riddle you
FAIRFAX Tush； man； thou knowest not how to woo。 'Tis not to be
done with time…worn jests and thread…bare sophistries；
with quips； conundrums； rhymes； and paradoxes。 'Tis an
art in itself； and must be studied gravely and
conscientiously。
No。 19。 A man who would woo a fair maid
（TRIO）
Elsie； Phoebe； and Fairfax
FAIRFAX A man who would woo a fair maid；
Should 'prentice himself to the trade；
And study all day；
In methodical way；
How to flatter； cajole； and persuade。
He should 'prentice himself at fourteen；
And practise from morning to e'en；
And when he's of age；
If he will； I'll engage；
He may capture the heart of a queen；
the heart of a queen！
ALL It is purely a matter of skill；
Which all may attain if they will。
But every Jack
He must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill！
If he wants to make sure of his Jill！
ELSIE If he's made the best use of his time；
His twig he'll so carefully lime
That every bird
Will come down at his word；
Whatever its plumage and clime。
He must learn that the thrill of a touch
May mean little； or nothing； or much；
It's an instrument rare；
To be handled with care；
And ought to be treated as such；
Ought to be treated as such。
ALL It is purely a matter of skill；
Which all may attain if they will：
But every Jack；
He must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill！
If he wants to make sure of his Jill！
PHOEBE Then a glance may be timid or free；
It will vary in mighty degree；
From an impudent stare
To a look of despair
That no maid without pity can see！
And a glance of despair is no guide
It may have its ridiculous side；
It may draw you a tear
Or a box on the ear；
You can never be sure till you've tried！
Never be sure till you've tried！
ALL It is purely a matter of skill；
Which all may attain if they will：
But every Jack；
He must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill；
If he wants to make sure of his Jill！
But every Jack；
He must study the knack；
But every Jack；
Must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill！
Yes； every Jack；
Must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill！
FAIRFAX ＇aside to POINT＇ Now； listen to me 'tis done thus
＇aloud＇ Mistress Elsie； there is one here who； as thou
knowest； loves thee right well！
POINT ＇aside＇ That he does right well！
FAIRFAX He is but a man of poor estate； but he hath a loving；
honest heart。 He will be a true and trusty husband to
thee； and if thou wilt be his wife； thou shalt lie
curled up in his heart； like a little squirrel in its
nest！
POINT ＇aside＇ 'Tis a pretty figure。 A maggot in a nut lies
closer； but a squirrel will do。
FAIRFAX He knoweth that thou wast a wife an unloved and
unloving wife； and his poor heart was near to
breaking。 But now that thine unloving husband is dead；
and thou art free； he would fain pray that thou
wouldst hearken unto him； and give him hope that thou
wouldst one day be his！
PHOEBE ＇alarmed＇ He presses her hands and whispers in her
ear！ Ods bodikins； what does it mean？
FAIRFAX Now； sweetheart； tell me wilt thou be this poor
goodfellow's wife？
ELSIE If the good； brave man is he a brave man？
FAIRFAX So men say。
POINT ＇aside＇ That's not true； but let it pass。
ELSIE If the brave man will be content with a poor；
penniless； untaught maid
POINT ＇aside＇ Widow but let that pass。
ELSIE I will be his true and loving wife； and that with my
heart of hearts！
FAIRFAX My own dear love！ ＇Embracing her＇
PHOEBE ＇in great agitation＇ Why； what's all this？ Brother
brother it is not seemly！
POINT ＇also alarmed； aside＇ Oh； I can't let that pass！
＇Aloud＇ Hold； enough； Master Leonard！ An advocate
should have his fee； but methinks thou art over…paying
thyself！
FAIRFAX Nay； that is for Elsie to say。 I promised thee I would
show thee how to woo； and herein lies the proof of the
virtue of my teaching。 Go thou； and apply it
elsewhere！ ＇PHOEBE bursts into tears＇
No。 20。 When a wooer goes a…wooing
（QUARTET）
Elsie； Phoebe； Fairfax； and Point
ELSIE When a wooer Goes a…wooing；
Naught is truer Than his joy。
FAIRFAX Maiden hushing All his suing
Boldly blushing； bravely coy！
Bravely coy！ Boldly blushing
ELSIE Boldly blushing； bravely coy！
ALL Oh； the happy days of doing！
Oh； the sighing and the suing！
When a wooer goes a…wooing；
Oh the sweets that never cloy！
PHOEBE ＇weeping＇ When a brother leaves his sister
For another； sister weeps；
Tears that trickle；
Tears that blister
'Tis but mickle Sister reaps！
ALL Oh； the doing and undoing；
Oh； the sighing and the suing；
When a brother goes a…wooing；
And a sobbing sister weeps！
POINT When a jester Is outwitted；
Feelings fester； Heart is lead！
Food for fishes Only fitted；
Jester wishes He was dead！
Food for fishes Only fitted；
Jester wishes He was dead！
ALL Oh； the doing and undoing；
Oh； the sighing and the suing；
When a jester goes a…wooing；
And he wishes he was dead！
Oh； the doing and undoing；
Oh； the sighing and the suing；
When a jester goes a…wooing；
And he wishes he was dead；
And he wishes he was dead！
＇Exeunt all but PHOEBE； who remains weeping。
PHOEBE And I helped that man to escape； and I've kept his
secret； and pretended that I was his dearly loving
sister； a