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In her enterprising movements；
She is Englandwith improvements；
Which we dutifully offer to our mother…land！
King： Our city we have beautifiedwe've done it willy…nilly
And all that isn't Belgrave Square is Strand and
Piccadilly。
Chorus： We haven't any slummeries in England！
King： The chamberlain our native stage has purged beyond a
ques…
tion。
Of 〃risky〃 situation and indelicate suggestion；
No piece is tolerated if it's costumed indiscreetly
Chorus： In short this happy country has been Anglicized com…
pletely！
It really is surprising； etc。
King： Our peerage we've remodelled on an intellectual basis；
Which certainly is rough on our hereditary races
Chorus： We are going to remodel it in England。
King： The Brewers and the Cotton Lords no longer seek
admission；
And literary merit meets with proper recognition
Chorus： As literary merit does in England！
King： Who knows but we may count among our intellectual
chickens
Like you； an Earl of Thackery and p'r'aps a Duke of
Dickens
Lord Fildes and Viscount Millais （when they come） we'll
welcome sweetly
Chorus： In short； this happy country has been Anglicized
completely！
It really is surprising； etc。
（At the end all rise and replace their chairs。）
King： Now； then for our first Drawing…Room。 Where are the
Prin…
cesses？ What an extraordinary thing it is that since
Euro…
pean looking…glasses have been supplied to the Royal bed…
rooms my daughters are invariably late！
Lord D。： Sir； their Royal Highnesses await your pleasure in the
Ante…room。
King： Oh。 Then request them to do us the favor to enter at
once。
（Enter all the Royal Household； including （besides the Lord
Chamber…
lain） the Vice…Chamberlain； the Master of the Horse； the
Master
of the Buckhounds； the Lord High Treasurer； the Lord Steward；
the
Comptroller of the Household； the Lord…in…Waiting； the Field
Officer in Brigade Waiting； the Gold and Silver Stick； and the
Gentlemen Ushers。 Then enter the three Princesses （their
trains
carried by Pages of Honor）； Lady Sophy； and the
Ladies…in…Waiting。）
King： My daughters； we are about to attempt a very solemn
ceremo…
nial； so no giggling； if you please。 Now； my Lord
Chamber…
lain； we are ready。
Lord D。： Then； ladies and gentlemen； places； if you please。 His
Maj…
esty will take his place in front of the throne； and will
be
so obliging as to embrace all the debutantes。 （LADY
SOPHY
much shocked。）
King： Whatmust I really？
Lord D。： Absolutely indispensable。
King： More jam for the Palace Peeper！
（The King takes his place in front of the throne； the Princess Zara
on
his left； the two younger Princesses on the left of Zara。）
King： Now； is every one in his place？
Lord D。： Every one is in his place。
King： Then let the revels commence。
（Enter the ladies attending the Drawing…Room。 They give their
cards
to the Groom…in…Waiting； who passes them to the
Lord…in…Waiting；
who passes them to the Vice…Chamberlain； who passes them to
the
Lord Chamberlain； who reads the names to the King as each lady
approaches。 The ladies curtsey in succession to the King and
the
three Princesses； and pass out。 When all the presentations
have
been accomplished； the King； Princesses； and Lady Sophy come
forward； and all the ladies re…enter。）
RECITATIVE King
This ceremonial our wish displays
To copy all Great Britain's courtly ways。
Though lofty aims catastrophe entail；
We'll gloriously succeed or nobly fail！
UNACCOMPANIED CHORUS
Eagle High in Cloudland soaring
Sparrow twittering on a reed
Tiger in the jungle roaring
Frightened fawn in grassy mead
Let the eagle； not the sparrow；
Be the object of your arrow
Fix the tiger with your eye
Pass the fawn in pity by。
Glory then will crown the day
Glory； glory； anyway！
Exit
all。
Enter Scaphio and Phantis； now dressed as judges in red and ermine
robes
and undress wigs。 They come down stage melodramatically
working together。
DUET Scaphio and Phantis。
Sca。： With fury deep we burn
Phan。： We do
Sca。： We fume with smothered rage
Phan。： We do
Sca。： These Englishmen who rule supreme；
Their undertaking they redeem
By stifling every harmless scheme
In which we both engage
Phan。： They do
Sca。： In which we both engage
Phan。： We think it is our turn
Sca。： We do
Phan。： We think our turn has come
Sca。： We do。
Phan。： These Englishmen； they must prepare
To seek at once their native air。
The King as heretofore； we swear；
Shall be beneath our thumb
Sca。： He shall
Phan。： Shall be beneath out thumb
Sca。： He shall。
Both： （with great energy）
For this mustn't be； and this won't do。
If you'll back me； then I'll back you；
No； this won't do；
No； this mustn't be。
With fury deep we burn。。。
Enter the King。
King： Gentlemen； gentlemenreally！ This unseemly display of
energy within the Royal precincts is altogether unpardon…
able。 Pray； what do you complain of？
Scaphio： （furiously） What do we complain of？ Why； through the
innovations introduced by the Flowers of Progress all our
harmless schemes for making a provision for our old age
are
ruined。 Our Matrimonial Agency is at a standstill； our
Cheap Sherry business is in bankruptcy； our Army Clothing
contracts are paralyzed； and even our Society paper； the
Palace Peeper； is practically defunct！
King： Defunct？ Is that so？ Dear； dear； I am truly sorry。
Scaphio： Are you aware that Sir Bailey Barre has introduced a law
of
libel by which all editors of scurrilous newspapers are
pub…
licly floggedas in England？ And six of our editors
have
resigned in succession！ Now； the editor of a scurrilous
paper can stand a good dealhe takes a private thrashing
as
a matter of courseit's considered in his salarybut no
gentleman likes to be publicly flogged。
King： Naturally。 I shouldn't like it myself。
Phantis： Then our Burlesque Theater is absolutely ruined！
King： Dear me。 Well； theatrical property is not what it was。
Phantis： Are you aware that the Lord Chamberlain； who has his own
views as to the best means of elevating the national
drama；
has declined to license any play that is not in blank
verse
and three hundred years oldas in England？
Scaphio： And as if that wasn't enough； the County Councillor has
or…
dered a four…foot wall to be built up right across the
proscenium； in case of fireas in England。
Phantis： It's so hard on the companywho are liable to be roasted
aliveand this has to be met by enormously increased
salariesas in England。
Scaphio： You probably know that we've contracted to supply the
entire
nation with a complete English outfit。 But perhaps you
do
not know that； when we send in our bills； our customers
plead liability limited to a declared capital of
eighteenpence； and apply to be dealt with under the
Winding…up Actas in England？
King： Really； gentlemen； this is very irregular。 If you will
be
so good as to formulate a detailed list of your
grievances