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Attend to his diet
And carefully nurse his digestion；
But when he is madly in love
It's certain to tell on his singing
You can't do the proper chromatics
With proper emphatics
When anguish your bosom is wringing！
When distracted with worries in plenty；
And his pulse is a hundred and twenty；
And his fluttering bosom the slave of mistrust is；
A tenor can't do himself justice；
Now observe（sings a high note）；
You see； I can't do myself justice！
I could sing if my fervour were mock；
It's easy enough if you're acting
But when one's emotion
Is born of devotion
You mustn't be over…exacting。
One ought to be firm as a rock
To venture a shake in vibrato；
When fervour's expected
Keep cool and collected
Or never attempt agitato。
But； of course； when his tongue is of leather；
And his lips appear pasted together；
And his sensitive palate as dry as a crust is；
A tenor can't do himself justice。
Now observe（sings a high note）；
It's no useI can't do myself justice！
Zara： Why； Arthur； what does it matter？ When the higher
qualities
of the heart are all that can be desired； the higher
notes
of the voice are matters of comparative insignificance。
Who
thinks slightingly of the cocoanut because it is husky？
Be…
sides （demurely）； you are not singing for an engagement
（putting her hand in his）； you have that already！
Fitz。： How good and wise you are！ How unerringly your practiced
brain winnows the wheat from the chaffthe material from
the merely incidental！
Zara： My Girton training； Arthur。 At Girton all is wheat； and
idle chaff is never heard within its walls！ But tell me；
is
not all working marvelously well？ Have not our Flowers
of
Progress more than justified their name？
Fitz。： We have indeed done our best。 Captain Corcoran and I
have；
in concert； thoroughly remodeled the sister…servicesand
upon so sound a basis that the South Pacific trembles at
the
name of Utopia！
Zara： How clever of you！
Fitz。： Clever？ Not a bit。 It's easy as possible when the
Admiral…
ty and Horse Guards are not there to interfere。 And so
with
the others。 Freed from the trammels imposed upon them by
idle Acts of Parliament； all have given their natural
tal…
ents full play and introduced reforms which； even in Eng…
land； were never dreamt of！
Zara： But perhaps the most beneficent changes of all has been
ef…
fected by Mr。 Goldbury； who； discarding the exploded
theory
that some strange magic lies hidden in the number Seven；
has
applied the Limited Liability principle to individuals；
and
every man； woman； and child is now a Company Limited with
liability restricted to the amount of his declared
Capital！
There is not a christened baby in Utopia who has not
already
issued his little Prospectus！
Fitz。： Marvelous is the power of a Civilization which can trans…
mute； by a word； a Limited Income into an Income Limited。
Zara： Reform has not stopped hereit has been applied even to
the
costume of our people。 Discarding their own barbaric
dress；
the natives of our land have unanimously adopted the
taste…
ful fashions of England in all their rich entirety。
Scaphio
and Phantis have undertaken a contract to supply the
whole
of Utopia with clothing designed upon the most approved
English modelsand the first Drawing…Room under the new
state of things is to be held here this evening。
Fitz。： But Drawing…Rooms are always held in the afternoon。
Zara： Ah； we've improved upon that。 We all look so much better
by
candlelight！ And when I tell you； dearest； that my Court
train has just arrived； you will understand that I am
long…
ing to go and try it on。
Fitz。： Then we must part？
Zara： Necessarily； for a time。
Fitz。： Just as I wanted to tell you； with all the passionate
enthu…
siasm of my nature； how deeply； how devotedly I love you！
Zara： Hush！ Are these the accents of a heart that really
feels？
True love does not indulge in declamationits voice is
sweet； and soft； and low。 The west wind whispers when he
woos the poplars！
DUET Zara and Fitzbattleaxe。
Zara： Words of love too loudly spoken
Ring their own untimely knell；
Noisy vows are rudely broken；
Soft the song of Philomel。
Whisper sweetly； whisper slowly；
Hour by hour and day by day；
Sweet and low as accents holy
Are the notes of lover's lay。
Both： Sweet and low； etc。
Fitz： Let the conqueror； flushed with glory；
Bid his noisy clarions bray；
Lovers tell their artless story
In a whispered virelay。
False is he whose vows alluring
Make the listening echoes ring；
Sweet and low when all…enduring
Are the songs that lovers sing！
Both： Sweet and low； etc。
（Exit Zara。 Enter King dressed as Field…Marshal。）
King： To a Monarch who has been accustomed to the uncontrolled
use
of his limbs； the costume of a British Field…Marshal is；
perhaps； at first； a little cramping。 Are you sure that
this is all right？ It's not a practical joke； is it？ No
one has a keener sense of humor than I have； but the
First
Statutory Cabinet Council of Utopia Limited must be
conduct…
ed with dignity and impressiveness。 Now； where are the
other five who signed the Articles of Association？
Fitz。： Sir； they are here。
（Enter Lord Dramaleigh； Captain Corcoran； Sir Bailey Barre； Mr。
Blushington； and
Mr。 Goldbury from different entrances。）
King： Oh！ （Addressing them） Gentlemen； our daughter holds her
first Drawing…Room in half an hour； and we shall have
time
to make our half…yearly report in the interval。 I am
neces…
sarily unfamiliar with the forms of an English Cabinet
Councilperhaps the Lord Chamberlain will kindly put us
in
the way of doing the thing properly； and with due regard
to
the solemnity of the occasion。
Lord D。： Certainlynothing simpler。 Kindly bring your chairs
forwardHis Majesty will； of course； preside。
（They range their chairs across stage like Christy Minstrels。 King
sits center； Lord Dramaleigh on his left； Mr。 Goldbury on his
right；
Captain Corcoran left of Lord Dramaleigh； Captain
Fitzbattleaxe right of
Mr。 Goldbury； Mr。 Blushington extreme right； Sir Bailey Barre
extreme
left。）
King： Like this？
Lord D。： Like this。
King： We take your word for it that this is all right。 You are
not making fun of us？ This is in accordance with the
prac…
tice at the Court of St。 James's？
Lord D。： Well； it is in accordance with the practice at the Court
of
St。 James's Hall。
King： Oh！ it seems odd； but never mind。
SONG King。
Society has quite forsaken all her wicked courses。
Which empties our police courts； and abolishes divorces。
Chorus： Divorce is nearly obsolete in England。
King： No tolerance we show to undeserving rank and splendour；
For the higher his position is； the greater the offender。
Chorus： That's maxim that is prevalent in England。
King： No peeress at our drawing…room before the Presence passes
Who wouldn't be accepted by the lower middle…classes。
Each shady dame； whatever be her rank； is bowed out
neatly。
Chorus： In short； this happy country has been Anglicized
completely
Is really is surprising
What a thorough Anglicizing
We have brought aboutUtopia's quite another land；
In her enterprising movements；
She is Englandwith improvements；
W