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Truly if anything good befell
He would be wanting； I know full well；
Wanting to take to the togs once more。
Nevertheless； while in these I'm vested；
Ne'er shall you find me craven…crested；
No； for a dittany look I'll wear；
Aye and methinks it will soon be tested；
Hark！ how the portals are rustling there。
Re…enter AEACUS with assistants。
AEACUS
Seize the dog…stealer； bind him； pinion him；
Drag him to justice
DIONYSUS
Somebody's going to catch it。
XANTHIAS （striking out）
Hands off！ away！ stand back！
AEACUS
Eh？ You're for fighting。
Ho！ Ditylas； Sceblyas； and Pardocas；
Come hither； quick； fight me this sturdy knave。
DIONYSUS
Now isn't it a shame the man should strike
And he a thief besides？
AEACUS
A monstrous shame！
DIONYSUS
A regular burning shame！
XANTHIAS
By the Lord Zeus；
If ever I was here before； if ever
I stole one hair's…worth from you； let me die！
And now I'll make you a right noble offer；
Arrest my lad： torture him as you will；
And if you find I'm guilty； take and kill me。
AEACUS
Torture him； how？
XANTHIAS
In any mode you please。
Pile bricks upon him： stuff his nose with acid：
Flay； rack him； hoist him； flog him with a scourge
Of prickly bristles： only not with this；
A soft…leaved onion； or a tender leek。
AEACUS
A fair proposal。 If I strike too hard
And maim the boy； I'll make you compensation。
XANTHIAS
I shan't require it。 Take him out and flog him。
AEACUS
Nay； but I'll do it here before your eyes。
Now then； put down the traps； and mind you speak
The truth； young fellow。
DIONYSUS （in agony）
Man' don't torture me！
I am a god。 You'll blame yourself hereafter
If you touch me。
AEACUS
Hillo！ What's that you are saying？
DIONYSUS
I say I'm Bacchus； son of Zeus； a god；
And he's the slave。
AEACUS
You hear him？
XANTHIAS
Hear him？ Yes。
All the more reason you should flog him well。
For if he is a god； he won't perceive it。
DIONYSUS
Well； but you say that you're a god yourself。
So why not you be flogged as well as I？
XANTHIAS
A fair proposal。 And be this the test；
Whichever of us two you first behold
Flinching or crying out…he's not the god。
AEACUS
Upon my word you're quite the gentleman；
You're all for right and justice。 Strip then； both。
XANTHIAS
How can you test us fairly？
AEACUS
Easily。 I'll give you blow for blow。
XANTHIAS
A good idea。
We're ready now！ （AEACUS strikes him） see if you
catch me flinching。
AEACUS
I struck you。
XANTHIAS （incredulously）
No！
AEACUS
Well； it seems 〃no〃 indeed。
Now then I'll strike the other。 （Strikes DIONYSUS。）
DIONYSUS
Tell me when？
AEACUS
I struck you。
DIONYSUS
Struck me？ Then why didn't I sneeze？
AEACUS
Don't know； I'm sure。 I'll try the other again。
XANTHIAS
And quickly too。 Good gracious！
AEACUS
Why 〃good gracious〃？
Not hurt you； did I？
XANTHIAS
No； I merely thought of
The Diomeian feast of Heracles。
AEACUS
A holy man！ 'Tis now the other's turn。
DIONYSUS
Hi！ Hi！
AEACUS
Hallo！
DIONYSUS
Look at those horsemen； look！
AEACUS
But why these tears？
DIONYSUS
There's such a smell of onions。
AEACUS
Then you don't mind it？
DIONYSUS （cheerfully）
Mind it？ Not a bit。
AEACUS
Well； I must go to the other one again。
XANTHIAS
O！ O！
AEACUS
Hallo！
XANTHIAS
Do pray pull out this thorn。
AEACUS
What does it mean？ 'Tis this one's turn again。
DIONYSUS （shrieking）
Apollo！ Lord！ （calmly） of Delos
and of Pytho。
XANTHIAS
He flinched！ You heard him？
DIONYSUS
Not at all； a jolly Verse of Hipponax flashed across my mind。
XANTHIAS
You don't half do it： cut his flanks to pieces。
AEACUS
By Zeus； well thought on。 Turn your belly here。
DIONYSUS （screaming）
Poseidon！
XANTHIAS
There！ he's flinching。
DIONYSUS （singing）
who dost reign
Amongst the Aegean peaks and creeks
And oer the deep blue main。
AEACUS
No； by Demeter； still I can't find out
Which is the god； but come ye both indoors；
My lord himself and Persephassa there；
Being gods themselves； will soon find out the truth。
DIONYSUS
Right！ right！ I only wish you had thought of that
Before you gave me those tremendous whacks。
Exeunt DIONYSUS； XANTHIAS； AEACUS； and attendants。
CHORUS
Come； Muse； to our Mystical Chorus；
O come to the joy of my song；
O see on the benches before us
that countless and wonderful throng；
Where wits by the thousand abide；
with more than a Cleophon's pride…
On the lips of that foreigner base；
of Athens the bane and disgrace；
There is shrieking； his kinsman by race；
The garrulous swallow of Thrace；
From that perch of exotic descent；
Rejoicing her sorrow to vent；
She pours to her spirit's content；
a nightingale's woful lament；
That e'en though the voting be equal；
his ruin will soon be the sequel。
Well it suits the holy Chorus
evermore with counsel wise
To exhort and teach the city；
this we therefore now advise…
End the townsmen's apprehensions；
equalize the rights of all；
If by Phrynichus's wrestlings
some perchance sustained a fall；
Yet to these 'tis surely open；
having put away their sin；
For their slips and vacillations
pardon at your hands to win。
Give your brethren back their franchise。
Sin and shame it were that slaves；
Who have once with stern devotion
fought your battle on the waves；
Should be straightway lords and masters；
yea Plataeans fully blown…
Not that this deserves our censure；
there I praise you； there alone
Has the city； in her anguish；
policy and wisdom shown…
Nay but these； of old accustomed
on our ships to fight and win；
（They； their fathers too before them）；
these our very kith and kin；
You should likewise； when they ask you；
pardon for their single sin。
O by nature best and wisest；
O relax your jealous ire；
Let us all the world as kinsfolk
and as citizens acquire；
All who on our ships will battle
well and bravely by our side。
If we cocker up our city；
narrowing her with senseless pride；
Now when she is rocked and reeling
in the cradles of the sea；
Here again will after ages deem we acted brainlessly。
And O if I'm able to scan
the habits and life of a man
Who shall rue his iniquities soon！
not long shall that little baboon；
That Cleigenes shifty and small；
the wickedest bathman of all
Who are lords of the earth…which is brought
from the isle of Cimolus； and wrought
With nitre and lye into soap…
Not long shall he vex us； I hope。
And this the unlucky one knows；
Yet ventures a peace to oppose；
And being addicted to blows
he carries a stick as he goes；
Lest while he is tipsy and reeling；
some robber his cloak should be stealing。
Often has it crossed my fancy；
that the city loves to deal
With the very best and noblest
members of her commonweal；
just as with our ancient coinage；
and the newly…minted gold。
Yea for these； our sterling pieces；
all of pure Athenian mould；
All of perfect die and metal；
all the fairest of the fair；
All of workmanship unequalled；
proved and valued everywhere
Both amongst our own Hellenes
and Barbarians far away；
These we use not： but the worthles
pinchbeck coins of yesterday；
Vilest die and basest metal；
now we always use instead。
Even so； our sterling townsmen；
nobly born and nobly bred；
Men of worth and rank and mettle；
men of honourable fame；
Trained in every liberal science；
choral dance and manly game；
These we treat with scorn and insult；
but the strangers newliest come；
Worthless sons of worthless fathers；
pinchbeck townsmen； yellowy scum；
Whom in earlier days the city
hardly would have stooped to use
Even for her scapegoat victims；
these for every task we choose。
O unwise and foolish people；
yet to mend your ways begin；
Use again the good and useful：
so hereafter； if ye win
'Twill be due to this your wisdom：
if ye fall； at least 'twill be