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On us alone is smiling；
In its soft sweet light：
On us who strove forever
With holy； pure endeavour；
Alike by friend and stranger
To guide our steps aright。
DIONYSUS
What's the right way to knock？ I wonder how
The natives here are wont to knock at doors。
XANTHIAS
No dawdling： taste the door。 You've got； remember；
The lion…hide and pride of Heracles。
DIONYSUS （knocking）
Boy！ boy！
The door opens。 AEACUS appears。
AEACUS
Who's there？
DIONYSUS
I； Heracles the strong！
AEACUS
O； you most shameless desperate ruffian； you
O； villain； villain； arrant vilest villain！
Who seized our Cerberus by the throat； and fled；
And ran； and rushed； and bolted； haling of
The dog； my charge！ But now I've got thee fast。
So close the Styx's inky…hearted rock；
The blood…bedabbled peak of Acheron
Shall hem thee in： the hell…hounds of Cocytus
Prowl round thee； whilst the hundred…headed Asp
Shall rive thy heart…strings： the Tartesian Lamprey
Prey on thy lungs： and those Tithrasian Gorgons
Mangle and tear thy kidneys； mauling them；
Entrails and all； into one bloody mash。
I'll speed a running foot to fetch them hither。
Exit AEACUS。
XANTHIAS
Hallo！ what now？
DIONYSUS
I've done it： call the god。
XANTHIAS
Get up； you laughing…stock； get up directly；
Before you're seen。
DIONYSUS
What； I get up？ I'm fainting。
Please dab a sponge of water on my heart。
XANTHIAS
Here！ Dab it on。
DIONYSUS
Where is it？
XANTHIAS
Ye golden gods；
Lies your heart there？
DIONYSUS
It got so terrified
It fluttered down into my stomach's pit。
XANTHIAS
Cowardliest of gods and men！
DIONYSUS
The cowardliest？ I？
What I； who asked you for a sponge； a thing
A coward never would have done！
XANTHIAS
What then？
DIONYSUS
A coward would have lain there wallowing；
But I stood up； and wiped myself withal。
XANTHIAS
Poseidon！ quite heroic。
DIONYSUS
'Deed I think so。
But weren't you frightened at those dreadful threats
And shoutings？
XANTHIAS
Frightened？ Not a bit。 I cared not。
DIONYSUS
Come then； if you're so very brave a man；
Will you be I； and take the hero's club
And lion's skin； since you're so monstrous plucky？
And I'll be now the slave； and bear the luggage。
XANTHIAS
Hand them across。 I cannot choose but take them。
And now observe the Xanthio…heracles
If I'm a coward and a sneak like you。
DIONYSUS
Nay； you're the rogue from Melite's own self。
And I'll pick up and carry on the traps。
Enter a MAID…SERVANT of Persephone； from the door。
MAID
O welcome； Heracles！ come in； sweetheart。
My Lidy； when they told her； set to work；
Baked mighty loaves； boiled two or three tureens
Of lentil soup； roasted a prime ox whole；
Made rolls and honey…cakes。 So come along。
XANTHIAS （declining）
You are too kind。
MAID
I will not let you go。
I will not let you！ Why； she's stewing slices
Of juicy bird's…flesh； and she's making comfits；
And tempering down her richest wine。 Come； dear；
Come along in。
XANTHIAS （still declining）
Pray thank her。
MAID
O you're jesting；
I shall not let you off： there's such a lovely
Flute…girl all ready； and we've two or three
Dancing…girls also。
XANTHIAS
Eh！ what！ Dancing…girls？
MAID
Young budding virgins； freshly tired and trimmed。
Come； dear； come in。 The cook was dishing up
The cutlets； and they are bringing in the tables。
XANTHIAS
Then go you in； and tell those dancing…girls
Of whom you spake； I'm coming in Myself。
Exit MAID。
Pick up the traps； my lad； and follow me。
DIONYSUS
Hi！ stop！ you're not in earnest； just because
I dressed you up； in fun； as Heracles？
Come； don't keep fooling； Xanthias； but lift
And carry in the traps yourself
You are never going to strip me of these togs
You gave me！
DIONYSUS
Going to？ No； I'm doing it now。
off with that lion…skin。
XANTHIAS
Bear witness all；
The gods shall judge between us。
DIONYSUS
Gods； indeed！
Why； how could you （the vain and foolish thought I）
A slave； a mortal； act Alemena's son？
XANTHIAS
All right then； take them； maybe； if God will；
You'll soon require my services again。
CHORUS
This is the part of a dexterous clever
Man with his wits about him ever；
One who has travelled the world to see；
Always to shift； and to keep through all
Close to the sunny side of the wall；
Not like a pictured block to be；
Standing always in one position；
Nay but to veer； with expedition；
And ever to catch the favouring breeze；
This is the part of a shrewd tactician；
This is to be a…Theramenes！
DIONYSUS
Truly an exquisite joke 'twould be；
Him with a dancing…girl to see；
Lolling at ease on Milesian rugs；
Me； like a slave； beside him standing；
Aught that he wants to his lordship handing；
Then as the damsel fair he hugs；
Seeing me all on fire to embrace her；
He would perchance （for there's no man baser）；
Turning him round like a lazy lout；
Straight on my mouth deliver a facer；
Knocking my ivory choirmen out。
Enter HOSTESS and PLATHANE。
Hostess。 O Plathane！ Plathane！ that naughty man；
That's he who got into our tavern once；
And ate up sixteen loaves。
PLATHANE
O； so he is！ The very man。
XANTHIAS
Bad luck for somebody！
HOSTESS
O and； besides； those twenty bits of stew；
Half…obol pieces。
XANTHIAS
Somebody's going to catch it！
HOSTESS
That garlic too。
DIONYSUS
Woman； you're talking nonsense。
You don't know what you're saying。
HOSTESS
O； you thought
I shouldn't know you with your buskins on！
Ah； and I've not yet mentioned all that fish；
No； nor the new…made cheese： he gulped it down；
Baskets and all； unlucky that we were。
And when I just alluded to the price；
He looked so fierce； and bellowed like a bull。
XANTHIAS
Yes； that's his way： that's what he always does。
HOSTESS
O； and he drew his sword； and seemed quite mad。
PLATHANE
O； that he did。
HOSTESS
And terrified us so
We sprang up to the cockloft； she and I。
Then out he hurled； decamping with the rugs。
XANTHIAS
That's his way too； something must be done。
HOSTESS
Quick； run and call my patron Cleon here
PLATHANE
O； if you meet him； call Hyperbolus！
We'll pay you out to…day。
HOSTESS
O filthy throat；
O how I'd like to take a stone； and hack
Those grinders out with which you chawed my wares。
PLATHANE
I'd like to pitch you in the deadman's pit。
HOSTESS
I'd like to get a reaping…hook and scoop
That gullet out with which you gorged my tripe。
But I'll to Cleon： he'll soon serve his writs；
He'll twist it out of you to…day； he will。
Exeunt HOSTESS and PLATHANE。
DIONYSUS
Perdition seize me； if I don't love Xanthias。
XANTHIAS
Aye； aye； I know your drift： stop； stop that talking
I won't be Heracles。
DIONYSUS
O； don't say so；
Dear； darling Xanthias。
XANTHIAS
Why； how can I；
A slave； a mortal； act Alemena's son！
DIONYSUS
Aye； aye； I know you are vexed； and I deserve
And if you pummel me； I won't complain。
But if I strip you of these togs again；
Perdition seize myself； my wife； my children；
And； most of all； that blear…eyed Archedemus。
XANTHIAS
That oath contents me： on those terms I take them。
CHORUS
Now that at last you appear once more；
Wearing the garb that at first you wore；
Wielding the club and the tawny skin；
Now it is yours to be up and doing；
Glaring like mad； and your youth renewing；
Mindful of him whose guise you are in。
If； when caught in a bit of a scrape； you
Suffer a word of alarm to escape you；
Showing yourself but a feckless knave；
Then will your master at once undrape you；
Then you'll again be the toiling slave。
XANTHIAS
There； I admit； you have given to me
Capital hint； and the like idea；
Friends； had occurred to myself before。
Truly if anything good befell
He would be wanting；