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George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 595…
Adam Bede 595
I felt as if I was strong enough to do anything 。 。 。 I thought I
should get rid of all my misery； and go back home； and never let
’em know why I ran away I put on my bonnet and shawl； and went
out into the dark street； with the baby under my cloak； and I
walked fast till I got into a street a good way off； and there was a
public； and I got some warm stuff to drink and some bread。 And I
walked on and on； and I hardly felt the ground I trod on； and it got
lighter； for there came the moon—oh； Dinah； it frightened me
when it first looked at me out o’ the clouds—it never looked so
before； and I turned out of the road into the fields； for I was afraid
o’ meeting anybody with the moon shining on me。 And I came to a
haystack； where I thought I could lie down and keep myself warm
all night。 There was a place cut into it； where I could make me a
bed； and I lay comfortable； and the baby was warm against me；
and I must have gone to sleep for a good while； for when I woke it
was morning； but not very light； and the baby was crying。 And I
saw a wood a little way off 。 。 。 I thought there’d perhaps be a ditch
or a pond there 。 。 。 and it was so early I thought I could hide the
child there； and get a long way off before folks was up。 And then I
thought I’d go home—I’d get rides in carts and go home and tell
’em I’d been to try and see for a place； and couldn’t get one。 I
longed so for it； Dinah； I longed so to be safe at home。 I don’t know
how I felt about the baby。 I seemed to hate it—it was like a heavy
weight hanging round my neck； and yet its crying went through
me； and I daredn’t look at its little hands and face。 But I went on to
the wood； and I walked about； but there was no water 。 。 。 ”
Hetty shuddered。 She was silent for some moments； and when
she began again； it was in a whisper。
“I came to a place where there was lots of chips and turf； and I
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
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Adam Bede 596
sat down on the trunk of a tree to think what I should do。 And all
of a sudden I saw a hole under the nut…tree； like a little grave。 And
it darted into me like lightning—I’d lay the baby there and cover it
with the grass and the chips。 I couldn’t kill it any other way。 And
I’d done it in a minute； and； oh； it cried so； Dinah—I couldn’t cover
it quite up—I thought perhaps somebody ’ud come and take care
of it； and then it wouldn’t die。 And I made haste out of the wood；
but I could hear it crying all the while； and when I got out into the
fields； it was as if I was held fast—I couldn’t go away； for all I
wanted so to go。 And I sat against the haystack to watch if anybody
’ud come。 I was very hungry； and I’d only a bit of bread left； but I
couldn’t go away。 And after ever such a while—hours and hours—
the man came—him in a smock…frock； and he looked at me so； I
was frightened； and I made haste and went on。 I thought he was
going to the wood and would perhaps find the baby。 And I went
right on； till I came to a village； a long way off from the wood； and I
was very sick； and faint； and hungry。 I got something to eat there；
and bought a loaf。 But I was frightened to stay。 I heard the baby
crying； and thought the other folks heard it too—and I went on。
But I was so tired； and it was getting towards dark。 And at last； by
the roadside there was a barn—ever such a way off any house—
like the barn in Abbot’s Close； and I thought I could go in there
and hide myself among the hay and straw； and nobody ’ud be
likely to come。 I went in； and it was half full o’ trusses of straw； and
there was some hay too。 And I made myself a bed； ever so far
behind； where nobody could find me； and I was so tired and weak；
I went to sleep 。 。 。 But oh； the baby’s crying kept waking me； and I
thought that man as looked at me so was come and laying hold of
me。 But I must have slept a long while at last； though I didn’t
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
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Adam Bede 597
know； for when I got up and went out of the barn； I didn’t know
whether it was night or morning。 But it was morning； for it kept
getting lighter； and I turned back the way I’d come。 I couldn’t help
it； Dinah； it was the baby’s crying made me go—and yet I was
frightened to death。 I thought that man in the smock…frock ’ud see
me and know I put the baby there。 But I went on； for all that。 I’d
left off thinking about going home—it had gone out o’ my mind。 I
saw nothing but that place in the wood where I’d buried the baby 。
。 。 I see it now。 Oh Dinah！ shall I allays see it？”
Hetty clung round Dinah and shuddered again。 The silence
seemed long before she went on。
“I met nobody； for it was very early； and I got into the wood 。 。 。
I knew the way to the place 。 。 。 the place against the nut…tree； and
I could hear it crying at every step 。 。 。 I thought it was alive 。 。 。 I
don’t know whether I was frightened or glad 。 。 。 I don’t know what
I felt。 I only know I was in the wood and heard the cry。 I don’t
know what I felt till I saw the baby was gone。 And when I’d put it
there； I thought I should like somebody to find it and save it from
dying； but when I saw it was gone； I was struck like a stone； with
fear。 I never thought o’ stirring； I felt so weak。 I knew I couldn’t
run away； and everybody as saw me ’ud know about the baby。 My
heart went like a stone。 I couldn’t wish or try for anything； it
seemed like as if I should stay there for ever； and nothing ’ud ever
change。 But they came and took me away。”
Hetty was silent； but she shuddered again； as if there was still
something behind； and Dinah waited； for her heart was so full that
tears must come before words。 At last Hetty burst out； with a sob；
“Dinah； do you think God will take away that crying and the place
in the wood； now I’ve told everything？”
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
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Adam Bede 598
“Let us pray； poor sinner。 Let us fall on our knees again； and
pray to the God of all mercy。”
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
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Adam Bede 599
Chapter XLVI
The Hours of Suspense
n Sunday morning； when the church bells in Stoniton
were ringing for morning service； Bartle Massey re…
O
entered Adam’s room； after a short absence； and said；
“Adam； here’s a visitor wants to see you。”
Adam was seated with is back towards the door； but he started
up and turned round instantly； with a flushed face and an eager
look。 His face was even thinner and more worn than we have seen
it before； but he was washed and shaven this Sunday morning。
“Is it any news？” he said。
“Keep yourself quiet； my lad；” said Bartle； “keep quiet。 It’s not
what you’re thinking of。 It’s the young Methodist woman come
from the prison。 She’s at the bottom o’ the stairs； and wants to
know if you think well to see her； for she has something to say to
you about that poor castaway； but she wouldn’t come in without
your leave； she said。 She thought you’d perhaps like to go out and
speak to her。 These preaching women are not so back’ard
commonly；” Bartle muttered to himself。
“Ask her to come in；” said Adam。
He was standing with his face towards the door； and as Dinah
entered； lifting up her mild grey eyes towards him； she saw at once
the great change that had come since the day when she had looked
up