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HARDCASTLE。 Here's a cup； sir。
MARLOW。 （Aside。） So this fellow； in his Liberty…hall； will only
let us have just what he pleases。
HARDCASTLE。 （Taking the cup。） I hope you'll find it to your
mind。 I have prepared it with my own hands； and I believe you'll own
the ingredients are tolerable。 Will you be so good as to pledge me； sir？
Here； Mr。 Marlow； here is to our better acquaintance。 ＇Drinks。＇
MARLOW。 （Aside。） A very impudent fellow this！ but he's a
character； and I'll humour him a little。 Sir； my service to you。 ＇Drinks。＇
HASTINGS。 （Aside。） I see this fellow wants to give us his
company； and forgets that he's an innkeeper； before he has learned to be a
gentleman。
MARLOW。 From the excellence of your cup； my old friend； I
suppose you have a good deal of business in this part of the country。
Warm work； now and then； at elections； I suppose。
HARDCASTLE。 No； sir； I have long given that work over。 Since
our betters have hit upon the expedient of electing each other； there is no
business 〃for us that sell ale。〃
HASTINGS。 So； then； you have no turn for politics； I find。
HARDCASTLE。 Not in the least。 There was a time； indeed； I
fretted myself about the mistakes of government； like other people； but
finding myself every day grow more angry； and the government growing
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no better； I left it to mend itself。 Since that； I no more trouble my head
about Hyder Ally； or Ally Cawn； than about Ally Croker。 Sir； my service
to you。
HASTINGS。 So that with eating above stairs； and drinking below；
with receiving your friends within； and amusing them without； you lead a
good pleasant bustling life of it。
HARDCASTLE。 I do stir about a great deal； that's certain。 Half the
differences of the parish are adjusted in this very parlour。
MARLOW。 （After drinking。） And you have an argument in your
cup； old gentleman； better than any in Westminster…hall。
HARDCASTLE。 Ay； young gentleman； that； and a little philosophy。
MARLOW。 （Aside。） Well； this is the first time I ever heard of an
innkeeper's philosophy。
HASTINGS。 So then； like an experienced general； you attack them
on every quarter。 If you find their reason manageable； you attack it with
your philosophy； if you find they have no reason； you attack them with
this。 Here's your health； my philosopher。 ＇Drinks。＇
HARDCASTLE。 Good； very good； thank you； ha！ ha！ Your
generalship puts me in mind of Prince Eugene； when he fought the Turks
at the battle of Belgrade。 You shall hear。
MARLOW。 Instead of the battle of Belgrade； I believe it's almost
time to talk about supper。 What has your philosophy got in the house for
supper？
HARDCASTLE。 For supper； sir！ （Aside。） Was ever such a
request to a man in his own house？
MARLOW。 Yes； sir； supper； sir； I begin to feel an appetite。 I shall
make devilish work to…night in the larder； I promise you。
HARDCASTLE。 （Aside。） Such a brazen dog sure never my eyes
beheld。 （To him。） Why； really； sir； as for supper I can't well tell。 My
Dorothy and the cook…maid settle these things between them。 I leave
these kind of things entirely to them。
MARLOW。 You do； do you？
HARDCASTLE。 Entirely。 By the bye； I believe they are in actual
consultation upon what's for supper this moment in the kitchen。
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MARLOW。 Then I beg they'll admit me as one of their privy council。
It's a way I have got。 When I travel； I always chose to regulate my own
supper。 Let the cook be called。 No offence I hope； sir。
HARDCASTLE。 O no； sir； none in the least； yet I don't know how；
our Bridget； the cook…maid； is not very communicative upon these
occasions。 Should we send for her； she might scold us all out of the
house。
HASTINGS。 Let's see your list of the larder then。 I ask it as a
favour。 I always match my appetite to my bill of fare。
MARLOW。 （To HARDCASTLE； who looks at them with surprise。）
Sir； he's very right； and it's my way too。
HARDCASTLE。 Sir； you have a right to command here。 Here；
Roger； bring us the bill of fare for to…night's supper： I believe it's drawn
outYour manner； Mr。 Hastings； puts me in mind of my uncle； Colonel
Wallop。 It was a saying of his； that no man was sure of his supper till he
had eaten it。
HASTINGS。 （Aside。） All upon the high rope！ His uncle a colonel！
we shall soon hear of his mother being a justice of the peace。 But let's
hear the bill of fare。
MARLOW。 （Perusing。） What's here？ For the first course； for the
second course； for the dessert。 The devil； sir； do you think we have
brought down a whole Joiners' Company； or the corporation of Bedford； to
eat up such a supper？ Two or three little things； clean and comfortable；
will do。
HASTINGS。 But let's hear it。
MARLOW。 （Reading。） For the first course； at the top； a pig and
prune sauce。
HASTINGS。 Damn your pig； I say。
MARLOW。 And damn your prune sauce； say I。
HARDCASTLE。 And yet； gentlemen； to men that are hungry； pig
with prune sauce is very good eating。
MARLOW。 At the bottom； a calf's tongue and brains。
HASTINGS。 Let your brains be knocked out； my good sir； I don't
like them。
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MARLOW。 Or you may clap them on a plate by themselves。 I do。
HARDCASTLE。 （Aside。） Their impudence confounds me。 （To
them。） Gentlemen； you are my guests； make what alterations you please。
Is there anything else you wish to retrench or alter； gentlemen？
MARLOW。 Item； a pork pie； a boiled rabbit and sausages； a
Florentine； a shaking pudding； and a dish of tifftafftaffety cream。
HASTINGS。 Confound your made dishes； I shall be as much at a
loss in this house as at a green and yellow dinner at the French
ambassador's table。 I'm for plain eating。
HARDCASTLE。 I'm sorry； gentlemen； that I have nothing you like；
but if there be anything you have a particular fancy to
MARLOW。 Why； really； sir； your bill of fare is so exquisite； that any
one part of it is full as good as another。 Send us what you please。 So
much for supper。 And now to see that our beds are aired； and properly
taken care of。
HARDCASTLE。 I entreat you'll leave that to me。 You shall not stir
a step。
MARLOW。 Leave that to you！ I protest； sir； you must excuse me； I
always look to these things myself。
HARDCASTLE。 I must insist； sir； you'll make yourself easy on that
head。
MARLOW。 You see I'm resolved on it。 （Aside。） A very
troublesome fellow this； as I ever met with。
HARDCASTLE。 Well； sir； I'm resolved at least to attend you。
（Aside。） This may be modem modesty； but I never saw anything look so
like old…fashioned impudence。 ＇Exeunt MARLOW and
HARDCASTLE。＇
HASTINGS。 （Alone。） So I find this fellow's civilities begin to
grow troublesome。 But who can be angry at those assiduities which are
meant to please him？ Ha！ what do I see？ Miss Neville； by all that's
happy！
Enter MISS NEVILLE。
MISS NEVILLE。 My dear Hastings！ To what unexpected good
fortune； to what accident； am I to ascribe this happy meeting？