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TONY。 That I can bear witness to。 They are missing； and not to be
found； I'll take my oath on't。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 You must learn resignation； my dear； for
though we lose our fortune； yet we should not lose our patience。 See me；
how calm I am。
MISS NEVILLE。 Ay； people are generally calm at the misfortunes of
others。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Now I wonder a girl of your good sense
should waste a thought upon such trumpery。 We shall soon find them；
and in the mean time you shall make use of my garnets till your jewels be
found。
MISS NEVILLE。 I detest garnets。
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MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 The most becoming things in the world to
set off a clear complexion。 You have often seen how well they look upon
me。 You SHALL have them。 ＇Exit。＇
MISS NEVILLE。 I dislike them of all things。 You shan't stir。Was
ever anything so provoking； to mislay my own jewels； and force me to
wear her trumpery？
TONY。 Don't be a fool。 If she gives you the garnets； take what you
can get。 The jewels are your own already。 I have stolen them out of her
bureau； and she does not know it。 Fly to your spark； he'll tell you more
of the matter。 Leave me to manage her。
MISS NEVILLE。 My dear cousin！
TONY。 Vanish。 She's here； and has missed them already。 ＇Exit
MISS NEVILLE。＇ Zounds！ how she fidgets and spits about like a
Catherine wheel。
Enter MRS。 HARDCASTLE。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Confusion！ thieves！ robbers！ we are
cheated； plundered； broke open； undone。
TONY。 What's the matter； what's the matter； mamma？ I hope
nothing has happened to any of the good family！
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 We are robbed。 My bureau has been
broken open； the jewels taken out； and I'm undone。
TONY。 Oh！ is that all？ Ha！ ha！ ha！ By the laws； I never saw it
acted better in my life。 Ecod； I thought you was ruined in earnest； ha！ ha！
ha！
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Why； boy； I AM ruined in earnest。 My
bureau has been broken open； and all taken away。
TONY。 Stick to that： ha！ ha！ ha！ stick to that。 I'll bear witness； you
know； call me to bear witness。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 I tell you； Tony； by all that's precious； the
jewels are gone； and I shall be ruined for ever。
TONY。 Sure I know they're gone； and I'm to say so。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 My dearest Tony； but hear me。 They're
gone； I say。
TONY。 By the laws； mamma； you make me for to laugh； ha！ ha！ I
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know who took them well enough； ha！ ha！ ha！
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Was there ever such a blockhead； that can't
tell the difference between jest and earnest？ I tell you I'm not in jest；
booby。
TONY。 That's right； that's right； you must be in a bitter passion； and
then nobody will suspect either of us。 I'll bear witness that they are gone。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Was there ever such a cross…grained brute；
that won't hear me？ Can you bear witness that you're no better than a
fool？ Was ever poor woman so beset with fools on one hand； and thieves
on the other？
TONY。 I can bear witness to that。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Bear witness again； you blockhead you； and
I'll turn you out of the room directly。 My poor niece； what will become
of her？ Do you laugh； you unfeeling brute； as if you enjoyed my
distress？
TONY。 I can bear witness to that。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Do you insult me； monster？ I'll teach you
to vex your mother； I will。
TONY。 I can bear witness to that。 ＇He runs off； she follows him。＇
Enter Miss HARDCASTLE and Maid。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 What an unaccountable creature is that
brother of mine； to send them to the house as an inn！ ha！ ha！ I don't
wonder at his impudence。
MAID。 But what is more； madam； the young gentleman； as you
passed by in your present dress； asked me if you were the bar…maid。 He
mistook you for the bar…maid； madam。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Did he？ Then as I live； I'm resolved to
keep up the delusion。 Tell me； Pimple； how do you like my present dress？
Don't you think I look something like Cherry in the Beaux Stratagem？
MAID。 It's the dress； madam； that every lady wears in the country；
but when she visits or receives company。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 And are you sure he does not remember my
face or person？
MAID。 Certain of it。
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MISS HARDCASTLE。 I vow； I thought so； for； though we spoke for
some time together； yet his fears were such； that he never once looked up
during the interview。 Indeed； if he had； my bonnet would have kept him
from seeing me。
MAID。 But what do you hope from keeping him in his mistake？
MISS HARDCASTLE。 In the first place I shall be seen； and that is
no small advantage to a girl who brings her face to market。 Then I shall
perhaps make an acquaintance； and that's no small victory gained over one
who never addresses any but the wildest of her sex。 But my chief aim is；
to take my gentleman off his guard； and； like an invisible champion of
romance； examine the giant's force before I offer to combat。
MAID。 But you are sure you can act your part； and disguise your
voice so that he may mistake that； as he has already mistaken your person？
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Never fear me。 I think I have got the true
bar cantDid your honour call？Attend the Lion therePipes and tobacco
for the Angel。The Lamb has been outrageous this half…hour。
MAID。 It will do； madam。 But he's here。 ＇Exit MAID。＇
Enter MARLOW。
MARLOW。 What a bawling in every part of the house！ I have
scarce a moment's repose。 If I go to the best room； there I find my host
and his story： if I fly to the gallery； there we have my hostess with her
curtsey down to the ground。 I have at last got a moment to myself； and
now for recollection。 ＇Walks and muses。＇
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Did you call； sir？ Did your honour call？
MARLOW。 （Musing。） As for Miss Hardcastle； she's too grave and
sentimental for me。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Did your honour call？ （She still places
herself before him； he turning away。）
MARLOW。 No； child。 （Musing。） Besides； from the glimpse I had
of her； I think she squints。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 I'm sure； sir； I heard the bell ring。
MARLOW。 No； no。 （Musing。） I have pleased my father； however；
by coming down； and I'll to…morrow please myself by returning。 ＇Taking
out his tablets； and perusing。＇
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MISS HARDCASTLE。 Perhaps the other gentleman called； sir？
MARLOW。 I tell you； no。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 I should be glad to know； sir。 We have
such a parcel of servants！
MARLOW。 No； no； I tell you。 （Looks full in her face。） Yes； child；
I think I did call。 I wantedI wantedI vow； child； you are vastly
handsome。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 O la； sir； you'll make one ashamed。
MARLOW。 Never saw a more sprightly malicious eye。 Yes； yes；
my dear； I did call。 Have you got any of yourawhat d'ye call it in the
house？
MISS HARDCASTLE。 No； sir； we have been out of that these ten
days。
MARLOW。 One may call in this house； I find； to very little purpose。
Suppose I should call for a tast