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the new machiavelli-第88章

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She stopped; with her distressed eyes regarding me。  Her expression 

changed to dread。  There was a tense stillness for a second; 

perhaps。



I turned my face towards the desk; and took up and dropped a handful 

of paper fasteners。



〃Margaret;〃 I said; 〃 I'm afraid you'll have to believe it。〃







5





Margaret sat very still。  When I looked at her again; her face was 

very white; and her distressed eyes scrutinised me。  Her lips 

quivered as she spoke。  〃You really meanTHAT?〃 she said。



I nodded。



〃I never dreamt。〃



〃I never meant you to dream。〃



〃And that is whywe've been apart?〃



I thought。  〃I suppose it is。〃



〃Why have you told me now?〃



〃Those rumours。  I didn't want any one else to tell you。〃



〃Or else it wouldn't have mattered?〃



〃No。〃



She turned her eyes from me to the fire。  Then for a moment she 

looked about the room she had made for me; and then quite silently; 

with a childish quivering of her lips; with a sort of dismayed 

distress upon her face; she was weeping。  She sat weeping in her 

dress of cloth of gold; with her bare slender arms dropped limp over 

the arms of her chair; and her eyes averted from me; making no 

effort to stay or staunch her tears。  〃I am sorry; Margaret;〃 I 

said。  〃I was in love。 。 。 。  I did not understand。 。 。 。〃



Presently she asked: 〃What are you going to do?〃



〃You see; Margaret; now it's come to be your affairI want to know 

what youwhat you want。〃



〃You want to leave me?〃



〃If you want me to; I must。〃



〃Leave Parliamentleave all the things you are doing;all this 

fine movement of yours?〃



〃No。〃 I spoke sullenly。  〃I don't want to leave anything。  I want to 

stay on。  I've told you; because I think weIsabel and I; I mean

have got to drive through a storm of scandal anyhow。  I don't know 

how far things may go; how much people may feel; and I can't; I 

can't have you unconscious; unarmed; open to any revelation〃



She made no answer。



〃When the thing beganI knew it was stupid but I thought it was a 

thing that wouldn't change; wouldn't be anything but itself; 

wouldn't unfoldconsequences。 。 。 。  People have got hold of these 

vague rumours。 。 。 。  Directly it reached any one else butbut us 

twoI saw it had to come to you。〃



I stopped。  I had that distressful feeling I have always had with 

Margaret; of not being altogether sure she heard; of being doubtful 

if she understood。  I perceived that once again I had struck at her 

and shattered a thousand unsubstantial pinnacles。  And I couldn't 

get at her; to help her; or touch her mind!  I stood up; and at my 

movement she moved。  She produced a dainty little handkerchief; and 

made an effort to wipe her face with it; and held it to her eyes。  

〃Oh; my Husband!〃 she sobbed。



〃What do you mean to do?〃 she said; with her voice muffled by her 

handkerchief。



〃We're going to end it;〃 I said。



Something gripped me tormentingly as I said that。  I drew a chair 

beside her and sat down。  〃You and I; Margaret; have been partners;〃 

I began。  〃We've built up this life of ours together; I couldn't 

have done it without you。  We've made a position; created a work〃



She shook her head。  〃You;〃 she said。



〃You helping。  I don't want to shatter itif you don't want it 

shattered。  I can't leave my work。  I can't leave you。  I want you 

to haveall that you have ever had。  I've never meant to rob you。  

I've made an immense and tragic blunder。  You don't know how things 

took us; how different they seemed!  My character and accident have 

conspiredWe'll payin ourselves; not in our public service。〃



I halted again。  Margaret remained very still。



〃I want you to understand that the thing is at an end。  It is 

definitely at an end。  Wewe talkedyesterday。  We mean to end it 

altogether。〃 I clenched my hands。  〃She'sshe's going to marry 

Arnold Shoesmith。〃



I wasn't looking now at Margaret any more; but I heard the rustle of 

her movement as she turned on me。



〃It's all right;〃 I said; clinging to my explanation。  〃We're doing 

nothing shabby。  He knows。  He will。  It's all as rightas things 

can be now。  We're not cheating any one; Margaret。  We're doing 

things straightnow。  Of course; you know。 。 。 。  We shallwe 

shall have to make sacrifices。  Give things up pretty completely。  

Very completely。 。 。 。  We shall have not to see each other for a 

time; you know。  Perhaps not a long time。  Two or three years。  Or 

writeor just any of that sort of thing ever〃



Some subconscious barrier gave way in me。  I found myself crying 

uncontrollablyas I have never cried since I was a little child。  I 

was amazed and horrified at myself。  And wonderfully; Margaret was 

on her knees beside me; with her arms about me; mingling her weeping 

with mine。  〃Oh; my Husband!〃 she cried; my poor Husband!  Does it 

hurt you so?  I would do anything!  Oh; the fool I am!  Dear; I love 

you。  I love you over and away and above all these jealous little 

things!〃



She drew down my head to her as a mother might draw down the head of 

a son。  She caressed me; weeping bitterly with me。  〃Oh! my dear;〃 

she sobbed; 〃my dear!  I've never seen you cry!  I've never seen you 

cry。  Ever!  I didn't know you could。  Oh! my dear!  Can't you have 

her; my dear; if you want her?  I can't bear it!  Let me help you; 

dear。  Oh! my Husband!  My Man!  I can't bear to have you cry!〃  For 

a time she held me in silence。



〃I've thought this might happen; I dreamt it might happen。  You two; 

I mean。  It was dreaming put it into my head。  When I've seen you 

together; so glad with each other。 。 。 。  Oh!  Husband mine; believe 

me! believe me!  I'm stupid; I'm cold; I'm only beginning to realise 

how stupid and cold; but all I want in all the world is to give my 

life to you。〃 。 。 。







6





〃We can't part in a room;〃 said Isabel。



〃We'll have one last talk together;〃 I said; and planned that we 

should meet for a half a day between Dover and Walmer and talk 

ourselves out。  I still recall that day very well; recall even the 

curious exaltation of grief that made our mental atmosphere 

distinctive and memorable。  We had seen so much of one another; had 

become so intimate; that we talked of parting even as we parted with 

a sense of incredible remoteness。  We went together up over the 

cliffs; and to a place where they fall towards the sea; past the 

white; quaint…lanterned lighthouses of the South Foreland。  There; 

in a kind of niche below the crest; we sat talking。  It was a 

spacious day; serenely blue and warm; and on the wrinkled water 

remotely below a black tender and six hooded submarines came 

presently; and engaged in mysterious manoeuvers。  Shrieking gulls 

and chattering jackdaws circled over us and below us; and dived and 

swooped; and a skerry of weedy; fallen chalk appeared; and gradually 

disappeared again; as the tide fell and rose。



We talked and thought that afternoon on every aspect of our 

relations。  It seems to me now we talked so wide and far that 

scarcely an issue in the life between man and woman can arise that 

we did not at least touch upon。  Lying there at Isabel's feet; I 

have become for myself a symbol of all this world…wide problem 

between duty and conscious; passionate love the world has still to 

solve。  Because it isn't solved; there's a wrong in it either way。 。 

。 。  The sky; the wide horizon; seemed to lift us out of ourselves 

until we were something representative and general。  She was 

womanhood become articulate; talking to her lover。



〃I ought;〃 I said; 〃never to have loved you。〃



〃It wasn't a thing planned;〃 she said。



〃I ought never to have let our talk slip to that; never to have 

turned back from America。〃



〃I'm glad we did it;〃 she said。  〃Don't think I repent。〃



I looked at her。



〃I will never repent;〃 she said。  〃Never!〃 as though she clung to 

her life in saying it。



I remember we talked for a long time of divorce。  It seemed to us 

then; and it seems to us still; that it ought to have been possible 

for Margaret to divorce me; and for me to marry without the 

scandalous and ugly publicity; the taint and ostracism that follow 

such a readjustment。  We went on to the whole perplexing riddle of 

marriage。  We criticised the current code; how muddled and 

conventionalised it had become; how modified by subterfuges and 

concealments and new necessities; and the increasing freedom of 

women。  〃It's all like Bromstead when the building came;〃 I said; 

for I had often talked to her of that early impression of purpose 

dissolving again into chaotic forces。  〃There is no clear right in 

the world any more。  The world is Byzantine。  The justest man to…day 

must practise a tainted goodness。〃



These questions need discussiona magnificent frankness of 

discussionif any s
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