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She leant back against the bookcases under the window。
〃We've had some good times； Master；〃 she said； with a sigh in her
voice。
And then for a long time we stared at one another in silence。
〃We haven't much time left；〃 she said。
〃Shall we bolt？〃 I said。
〃And leave all this？〃 she asked； with her eyes going round the room。
〃And that？〃 And her head indicated Westminster。 〃No！〃
I said no more of bolting。
〃We've got to screw ourselves up to surrender；〃 she said。
〃Something。〃
〃A lot。〃
〃Master；〃 she said； 〃it isn't all sex and stuff between us？〃
〃No！〃
〃I can't give up the work。 Our work's my life。〃
We came upon another long pause。
〃No one will believe we've ceased to be loversif we simply do；〃
she said。
〃We shouldn't。〃
〃We've got to do something more parting than that。〃
I nodded； and again we paused。 She was coming to something。
〃I could marry Shoesmith；〃 she said abruptly。
〃But〃 I objected。
〃He knows。 It wasn't fair。 I told him。〃
〃Oh； that explains；〃 I said。 〃There's been a kind of sulkiness
Butyou told him？〃
She nodded。 〃He's rather badly hurt；〃 she said。 〃He's been a good
friend to me。 He's curiously loyal。 But something； something he
said one dayforced me to let him know。 。 。 。 That's been the
beastliness of all this secrecy。 That's the beastliness of all
secrecy。 You have to spring surprises on people。 But he keeps on。
He's steadfast。 He'd already suspected。 He wants me very badly to
marry him。 。 。 。〃
〃But you don't want to marry him？〃
〃I'm forced to think of it。〃
〃But does he want to marry you at that？ Take you as a present from
the world at large？against your will and desire？ 。 。 。 I don't
understand him。〃
〃He cares for me。〃
〃How？〃
〃He thinks this is a fearful mess for me。 He wants to pull it
straight。〃
We sat for a time in silence； with imaginations that obstinately
refused to take up the realities of this proposition。
〃I don't want you to marry Shoesmith；〃 I said at last。
〃Don't you like him？〃
〃Not as your husband。〃
〃He's a very clever and sturdy personand very generous and devoted
to me。〃
〃And me？〃
〃You can't expect that。 He thinks you are wonderfuland；
naturally； that you ought not to have started this。〃
〃I've a curious dislike to any one thinking that but myself。 I'm
quite ready to think it myself。〃
〃He'd let us be friendsand meet。〃
〃Let us be friends！〃 I cried； after a long pause。 〃You and me！〃
〃He wants me to be engaged soon。 Then； he says； he can go round
fighting these rumours； defending us bothand force a quarrel on
the Baileys。〃
〃I don't understand him；〃 I said； and added； 〃I don't understand
you。〃
I was staring at her face。 It seemed white and set in the dimness。
〃Do you really mean this； Isabel？〃 I asked。
〃What else is there to do； my dear？what else is there to do at
all？ I've been thinking day and night。 You can't go away with me。
You can't smash yourself suddenly in the sight of all men。 I'd
rather die than that should happen。 Look what you are becoming in
the country！ Look at all you've built up！me helping。 I wouldn't
let you do it if you could。 I wouldn't let youif it were only for
Margaret's sake。 THIS 。 。 。 closes the scandal； closes everything。〃
〃It closes all our life together；〃 I cried。
She was silent。
〃It never ought to have begun；〃 I said。
She winced。 Then abruptly she was on her knees before me； with her
hands upon my shoulder and her eyes meeting mine。
〃My dear；〃 she said very earnestly； 〃don't misunderstand me！ Don't
think I'm retreating from the things we've done！ Our love is the
best thing I could ever have had from life。 Nothing can ever equal
it； nothing could ever equal the beauty and delight you and I have
had together。 Never！ You have loved me； you do love me。 。 。 。
No one could ever know how to love you as I have loved you； no one
could ever love me as you have loved me； my king。 And it's just
because it's been so splendid； dear； it's just because I'd die
rather than have a tithe of all this wiped out of my life againfor
it's made me； it's all I amdear； it's years since I began loving
youit's just because of its goodness that I want not to end in
wreckage now； not to end in the smashing up of all the big things I
understand in you and love in you。 。 。 。
〃What is there for us if we keep on and go away？〃 she went on。 〃All
the big interests in our lives will vanisheverything。 We shall
become specialised peoplepeople overshadowed by a situation。 We
shall be an elopement； a romanceall our breadth and meaning gone！
People will always think of it first when they think of us； all our
work and aims will be warped by it and subordinated to it。 Is it
good enough； dear？ Just to specialise。 。 。 。 I think of you。
We've got a case； a passionate case； the best of cases； but do we
want to spend all our lives defending it and justifying it？ And
there's that other life。 I know now you care for Margaretyou care
more than you think you do。 You have said fine things of her。 I've
watched you about her。 Little things have dropped from you。 She's
given her life for you； she's nothing without you。 You feel that to
your marrow all the time you are thinking about these things。 Oh；
I'm not jealous； dear。 I love you for loving her。 I love you in
relation to her。 But there it is； an added weight against us；
another thing worth saving。〃
Presently； I remember； she sat back on her heels and looked up into
my face。 〃We've done wrongand parting's paying。 It's time to
pay。 We needn't have paid； if we'd kept to the track。 。 。 。 You
and I； Master； we've got to be men。〃
〃Yes；〃 I said； 〃we've got to be men。〃
4
I was driven to tell Margaret about our situation by my intolerable
dread that otherwise the thing might come to her through some stupid
and clumsy informant。 She might even meet Altiora； and have it from
her。
I can still recall the feeling of sitting at my desk that night in
that large study of mine in Radnor Square； waiting for Margaret to
come home。 It was oddly like the feeling of a dentist's reception…
room； only it was for me to do the dentistry with clumsy； cruel
hands。 I had left the door open so that she would come in to me。
I heard her silken rustle on the stairs at last； and then she was in
the doorway。 〃May I come in？〃 she said。
〃Do；〃 I said； and turned round to her。
〃Working？〃 she said。
〃Hard；〃 I answered。 〃Where have YOU been？〃
〃At the Vallerys'。 Mr。 Evesham was talking about you。 They were
all talking。 I don't think everybody knew who I was。 Just Mrs。
Mumble I'd been to them。 Lord Wardenham doesn't like you。〃
〃He doesn't。〃
〃But they all feel you're rather big； anyhow。 Then I went on to
Park Lane to hear a new pianist and some other music at Eva's。〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Then I looked in at the Brabants' for some midnight tea before I
came on here。 They'd got some writersand Grant was there。〃
〃You HAVE been flying round。 。 。 。〃
There was a little pause between us。
I looked at her pretty； unsuspecting face； and at the slender grace
of her golden…robed body。 What gulfs there were between us！
〃You've been amused；〃 I said。
〃It's been amusing。 You've been at the House？〃
〃The Medical Education Bill kept me。〃 。 。 。
After all； why should I tell her？ She'd got to a way of living that
fulfilled her requirements。 Perhaps she'd never hear。 But all that
day and the day before I'd been making up my mind to do the thing。
〃I want to tell you something；〃 I said。 〃I wish you'd sit down for
a moment or so。〃 。 。 。
Once I had begun； it seemed to me I had to go through with it。
Something in the quality of my voice gave her an intimation of
unusual gravity。 She looked at me steadily for a moment and sat
down slowly in my armchair。
〃What is it？〃 she said。
I went on awkwardly。 〃I've got to tell yousomething
extraordinarily distressing；〃 I said。
She was manifestly altogether unaware。
〃There seems to be a good deal of scandal abroadI've only recently
heard of itabout myselfand Isabel。〃
〃Isabel！〃
I nodded。
〃What do they say？〃 she asked。
It was difficult； I found； to speak。
〃They say she's my mistress。〃
〃Oh！ How abominable！〃
She spoke with the most natural indignation。 Our eyes met。
〃We've been great friends；〃 I said。
〃Yes。 And to make THAT of it。 My poor dear！ But how can they？〃
She paused and looked at me。 It's so incredible。 How can any one
believe it？ I couldn't。〃
She stopped； with her distressed eyes regarding me。 Her expression
changed