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But the whole affair proved a false alarm； and our men； when they heard it；
were as well pleased that they had been constrained to sleep in their warm
beds at home； instead of lying on coils of cables； like the gallant Greenock
sharp…shooters。
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ANNALS OF THE PARISH
CHAPTER XLVI YEAR 1805
For some time I had meditated a reformation in the parish； and this
year I carried the same into effect。 I had often noticed with concern； that；
out of a mistaken notion of paying respect to the dead； my people were
wont to go to great lengths at their burials； and dealt round short…bread and
sugar…biscuit； with wine and other confections； as if there had been no ha'd
in their hands； which straitened many a poor family； making the
dispensation of the Lord a heavier temporal calamity than it should
naturally have been。 Accordingly； on consulting with Mrs Balwhidder；
who has a most judicious judgment； it was thought that my interference
would go a great way to lighten the evil。 I therefore advised with those
whose friends were taken from them； not to make that amplitude of
preparation which used to be the fashion； nor to continue handing about as
long as the folk would take； but only at the very most to go no more than
three times round with the service。 Objections were made to this； as if it
would be thought mean； but I put on a stern visage； and told them； that if
they did more I would rise up； and rebuke and forbid the extravagance。
So three services became the uttermost modicum at all burials。 This was
doing much； but it was not all that I wished to do。
I considered that the best reformations are those which proceed step by
step； and stop at that point where the consent to what has been established
becomes general； and so I governed myself； and therefore interfered no
farther； but I was determined to set an example。 Accordingly； at the very
next dregy； after I partook of one service； I made a bow to the servitors
and they passed on； but all before me had partaken of the second service；
some； however； of those after me did as I did； so I foresaw that in a quiet
canny way I would bring in the fashion of being satisfied with one service。
I therefore； from that time； always took my place as near as possible to the
door； where the chief mourner sat； and made a point of nodding away the
second service； which has now grown into a custom； to the great
advantage of surviving relations。
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ANNALS OF THE PARISH
But in this reforming business I was not altogether pleased with our
poet； for he took a pawkie view of my endeavours； and indited a ballad on
the subject； in the which he makes a clattering carlin describe what took
place； so as to turn a very solemn matter into a kind of derision。 When
he brought his verse and read it to me； I told him that I thought it was
overly natural； for I could not find another term to designate the cause of
the dissatisfaction that I had with it； but Mrs Balwhidder said that it might
help my plan if it were made public； so upon her advice we got some of
Mr Lorimore's best writers to make copies of it for distribution； which was
not without fruit and influence。 But a sore thing happened at the very
next burial。 As soon as the nodding away of the second service began； I
could see that the gravity of the whole meeting was discomposed； and
some of the irreverent young chiels almost broke out into even…down
laughter； which vexed me exceedingly。 Mrs Balwhidder； howsoever；
comforted me by saying； that custom in time would make it familiar； and
by…and…by the thing would pass as a matter of course； until one service
would be all that folk would offer； and truly the thing is coming to that； for
only two services are now handed round； and the second is regularly
nodded by。
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ANNALS OF THE PARISH
CHAPTER XLVII YEAR 1806
Mr Cayenne of Wheatrig having for several years been in a declining
way； partly brought on by the consuming fire of his furious passion； and
partly by the decay of old age； sent for me on the evening of the first
Sabbath of March in this year。 I was surprised at the message； and went
to the Wheatrig House directly； where； by the lights in the windows as I
gaed up through the policy to the door； I saw something extraordinary was
going on。 Sambo； the blackamoor servant； opened the door； and； without
speaking； shook his head； for it was an affectionate creature； and as fond
of his master as if he had been his own father。 By this sign I guessed that
the old gentleman was thought to be drawing near his latter end； so I
walked softly after Sambo up the stair； and was shown into the chamber
where Mr Cayenne； since he had been confined to the house； usually sat。
His wife had been dead some years before。
Mr Cayenne was sitting in his easy chair； with a white cotton nightcap
on his head； and a pillow at his shoulders to keep him straight。 But his
head had fallen down on his breast； and he breathed like a panting baby。
His legs were swelled； and his feet rested on a footstool。 His face； which
was wont to be the colour of a peony rose； was of a yellow hue； with a
patch of red on each cheek like a wafer； and his nose was shirpit and sharp；
and of an unnatural purple。 Death was evidently fighting with nature for
the possession of the body。 〃Heaven have mercy on his soul！〃 said I to
myself； as I sat down beside him。
When I had been seated some time； the power was given him to raise
his head as it were a…jee； and he looked at me with the tail of his eye；
which I saw was glittering and glassy。 〃Doctor；〃 for he always called me
doctor； though I am not of that degree； 〃I am glad to see you；〃 were his
words； uttered with some difficulty。
〃How do you find yourself； sir？〃 I replied； in a sympathising manner。
〃Damned bad；〃 said he； as if I had been the cause of his suffering。 I
was daunted to the very heart to hear him in such an unregenerate state；
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ANNALS OF THE PARISH
but after a short pause I addressed myself to him again； saying； that 〃I
hoped he would soon be more at ease； and he should bear in mind that the
Lord chasteneth whom he loveth。〃
〃The devil take such love！〃 was his awful answer； which was to me as
a blow on the forehead with a mell。 However； I was resolved to do my
duty to the miserable sinner； let him say what he would。 Accordingly； I
stooped towards him with my hands on my knees； and said in a
compassionate voice； 〃It's very true； sir； that you are in great agony； but
the goodness of God is without bound。〃
〃Curse me if I think so； doctor！〃 replied the dying uncircumcised
Philistine。 But he added at whiles； his breathlessness being grievous； and
often broken by a sore hiccup； 〃I am； however； no saint； as you know；
doctor； so I wish you to put in a word for me； doctor； for you know that in
these times； doctor； it is the duty of every good subject to die a Christian。〃
This was a poor account of the state of his soul； but it was plain I
could make no better o't； by entering into any religious discourse or
controversy with him； he being then in the last gasp； so I knelt down and
prayed for him with great sincerity； imploring the Lord； as an awakening
sense of grace to the dying man； that it would please him to lift up； though
it were but for the season of a minute； the chastening hand which was laid
so heavily upon his aged servant； at which Mr Cayenne； as if； indeed； the
hand had been then lifted； cried out； 〃None of that stuff； doctor； you know
that I cannot call myself his servant。〃
Was