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Tallant； too； added something； and Berringer；I've forgotten what。 I
was tired； too tired to meet their advances halfway。 I said that I had a
speech to get ready for that night； and other affairs to attend to； and
left them grouped together like crestfallen conspiratorsall save Miller
Gorse； whose pervasive gaze seemed to follow me after I had closed the
door。
An elevator took me down to the lobby of the Corn Bank Building。 I
paused for a moment； aimlessly regarding the streams of humanity hurrying
in and out； streaking the white marble floor with the wet filth of the
streets。 Someone spoke my name。 It was Bitter； Judd Jason's 〃legal〃
tool； and I permitted myself to be dragged out of the eddies into a quiet
corner by the cigar stand。
〃Say； I guess we've got Krebs's goat all right； this time；〃 he told me
confidentially； in a voice a little above a whisper； 〃he was busy with
the shirt…waist girls last year； you remember； when they were striking。
Well； one of 'em； one of the strike leaders； has taken to easy street；
she's agreed to send him a letter to…night to come 'round to her room
after his meeting； to say that she's sick and wants to see him。 He'll
go； all right。 We'll have some fun； we'll be ready for him。 Do you get
me？ So long。 The old man's waiting for me。〃
It may seem odd that this piece of information did not produce an
immediately revolting effect。 I knew that similar practices had been
tried on Krebs； but this was the first time I had heard of a definite
plan； and from a man like Bitter。 As I made my way out of the building I
had； indeed； a nauseated feeling； Jason's 〃lawyer〃 was a dirty little
man； smelling of stale cigars； with a blue…black； unshaven face。 In
spite of the shocking nature of his confidence； he had actually not
succeeded in deflecting the current of my thoughts； these were still
running over the scene in the directors' room。 I had listened to him
passively while he had held my buttonhole； and he had detained me but an
instant。
When I reached the street I was wondering whether Gorse and Dickinson and
the others； Grierson especially； could possibly have entertained the
belief that I would turn traitor？ I told myself that I had no intention
of this。 How could I turn traitor？ and what would be the object？
revenge？ The nauseated feeling grew more acute。。。。 Reaching my office；
I shut the door； sat down at my desk； summoned my will； and began to jot
down random notes for the part of my speech I was to give the newspapers；
notes that were mere silly fragments of arguments I had once thought
effective。 I could no more concentrate on them than I could have written
a poem。 Gradually； like the smoke that settled down on our city until we
lived in darkness at midday； the horror of what Bitter had told me began
to pervade my mind； until I was in a state of terror。
Had I； Hugh Paret； fallen to this； that I could stand by consenting to an
act which was worse than assassination？ Was any cause worth it？ Could
any cause survive it？ But my attempts at reasoning might be likened to
the strainings of a wayfarer lost on a mountain side to pick his way in
the gathering dusk。 I had just that desperate feeling of being lost； and
with it went an acute sense of an imminent danger； the ground； no longer
firm under my feet； had become a sliding shale sloping toward an unseen
precipice。 Perhaps； like the wayfarer； my fears were the sharper for the
memory of the beauty of the morning on that same mountain； when； filled
with vigour； I had gazed on it from the plain below and beheld the sun
breaking through the mists。。。。
The necessity of taking some action to avert what I now realized as an
infamy pressed upon me； yet in conflict with the pressure of this
necessity there persisted that old rebellion； that bitterness which had
been growing all these years against the man who； above all others；
seemed to me to represent the forces setting at nought my achievements；
bringing me to this pass。。。。
I thought of appealing to Leonard Dickinson； who surely； if he knew of
it； would not permit this thing to be done； and he was the only man with
the possible exception of Miller Gorse who might be able to restrain Judd
Jason。 But I delayed until after the luncheon hour； when I called up the
bank on the telephone； to discover that it was closed。 I had forgotten
that the day was Saturday。 I was prepared to say that I would withdraw
from the campaign； warn Krebs myself if this kind of tactics were not
suppressed。 But I could not get the banker。 Then I began to have doubts
of Dickinson's power in the matter。 Judd Jason had never been tractable；
by any means； he had always maintained a considerable independence of the
financial powers； and to…day not only financial control； but the
dominance of Jason himself was at stake。 He would fight for it to the
last ditch； and make use of any means。 No； it was of no use to appeal to
him。 What then？ Well； there was a reaction； or an attempt at one。
Krebs had not been born yesterday； he had avoided the wiles of the
politicians heretofore； he wouldn't be fool enough to be taken in now。 I
told myself that if I were not in a state bordering on a nervous
breakdown； I should laugh at such morbid fears； I steadied myself
sufficiently to dictate the extract from my speech that was to be
published。 I was to make addresses at two halls； alternating with Parks；
the mayoralty candidate。 At four o'clock I went back to my room in the
Club to try to get some rest。。。。
Seddon's Hall； the place of my first meeting； was jammed that Saturday
night。 I went through my speech automatically； as in a dream； the habit
of long years asserting itself。 And yetso I was told afterwardsmy
delivery was not mechanical； and I actually achieved more emphasis； gave
a greater impression of conviction than at any time since the night I had
lost my control and violently denounced the reformers。 By some
astonishing subconscious process I had regained my manner； but the
applause came to me as from a distance。 Not only was my mind not there；
it did not seem to be anywhere。 I was dazed； nor did I feelsave once
a fleeting surge of contempt for the mob below me with their silly faces
upturned to mine。 There may have been intelligent expressions among
them； but they failed to catch my eye。
I remember being stopped by Grierson as I was going out of the side
entrance。 He took my hand and squeezed it； and there was on his face an
odd； surprised look。
〃That was the best yet； Hugh；〃 he said。
I went on past him。 Looking back on that evening now； it would almost
seem as though the volition of another possessed me； not my own：
seemingly； I had every intention of going on to the National Theatre； in
which Parks had just spoken； and as I descended the narrow stairway and
emerged on the side street I caught sight of my chauffeur awaiting me by
the curb。
〃I'm not going to that other meeting；〃 I found myself saying。 〃I'm
pretty tired。〃
〃Shall I drive you back to the Club； sir？〃 he inquired。
〃NoI'll walk back。 Wait a moment。〃 I entered the ear； turned on the
light and scribbled a hasty note to Andrews； the chairman of the meeting
at the National； telling him that I was too tired to speak again that
night； and to ask one of the younger men there to take my place。 Then I
got out of the car and gave the note to the chauffeur。
〃You're all right； sir？〃 he asked； with a note of anxiety in his voice。
He had been with me a long time。
I reassured him。 He started the car； and I watched it absently as it
gathered speed and turned the corner。 I began to walk； slowly at first；
then more and more rapidly until I had gained a breathless pace； in ten
minutes I was in West Street； standing in front of the Templar's Hall
where the meeting of the Citizens Union west in progress。 Now that I had
arrived there； doubt and uncertainty assailed me。 I had come as it were
in spite of myself； thrust onward by an impulse I did not understand；
which did not seem to be mine。 What was I going to do？ The proceeding
suddenly appeared to me as ridiculous； tinged with the weirdness of
somnambulism。 I revolted； walked away； got as far as the corner and
stood beside a lamp post； pretending to be waiting for a car。 The street
lights were reflected in perpendicular； wavy…yellow ribbons on the wet
asphalt； and I stood staring with foolish intentness at this phenomenon；
wondering how a painter would get the effect in oils。 Again I was
walking back towards the hall； combating the acknowledgment to myself
that I had a plan； a plan that I did not for a moment believe I would
carry out。 I was shivering。
I climbed the steps。 The wide vestibule was empty except for two men who
stopped a low…toned conversation to look at me。 I wondered whether they
recognized me； that I might be recognized was an alarming possibility
which had not occurred to me。
〃Who is speaking？〃 I asked。
〃Mr。 Krebs；〃 answered the taller man of the two。
The hum of applause came from behind the swinging doors。 I pushed them
open cautiously； passing suddenly out of the cold into the reeking；
heated atmosphere of a building packe