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villa rubein and other stories-第44章

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in nineteen battlesseveral times in positions of some danger; when

the lifting of a finger perhaps meant death; but I have never felt

what I was feeling at that moment。  I knew something was coming; and

I was paralysed with terror lest it should not come!〃  He drew a long

breath。



〃The servant came in with a light and broke the spell。  All that

night I lay awake and thought of how she had looked at me; with the

colour coming slowly up in her cheeks



〃It was three days before I plucked up courage to go again; and then

I felt her eyes on me at onceshe was making a 'cat's cradle' with a

bit of string; but I could see them stealing up from her hands to my

face。  And she went wandering about the room; fingering at

everything。  When her father called out: 'What's the matter with you;

Elie?' she stared at him like a child caught doing wrong。  I looked

straight at her then; she tried to look at me; but she couldn't; and

a minute later she went out of the room。  God knows what sort of

nonsense I talkedI was too happy。



〃Then began our love。  I can't tell you of that time。  Often and

often Dalton said to me: 'What's come to the child?  Nothing I can do

pleases her。'  All the love she had given him was now for me; but he

was too simple and straight to see what was going on。  How many times

haven't I felt criminal towards him!  But when you're happy; with the

tide in your favour; you become a coward at once。。。。









V



〃Well; sir;〃 he went on; 〃we were married on her eighteenth birthday。

It was a long time before Dalton became aware of our love。  But one

day he said to me with a very grave look:



〃'Eilie has told me; Brune; I forbid it。  She's too young; and

you'retoo old!' I was then forty…five; my hair as black and thick

as a rook's feathers; and I was strong and active。  I answered him:

'We shall be married within a month!'  We parted in anger。  It was a

May night; and I walked out far into the country。  There's no remedy

for anger; or; indeed; for anything; so fine as walking。  Once I

stoppedit was on a common; without a house or light; and the stars

shining like jewels。  I was hot from walking; I could feel the blood

boiling in my veinsI said to myself 'Old; are you?' And I laughed

like a fool。  It was the thought of losing herI wished to believe

myself angry; but really I was afraid; fear and anger in me are very

much the same。  A friend of mine; a bit of a poet; sir; once called

them 'the two black wings of self。'  And so they are; so they are。。。!

The next morning I went to Dalton again; and somehow I made him

yield。  I'm not a philosopher; but it has often seemed to me that no

benefit can come to us in this life without an equal loss somewhere;

but does that stop us?  No; sir; not often。。。。



〃We were married on the 3oth of June 1876; in the parish church。  The

only people present were Dalton; Lucy; and Lucy's husbanda big;

red…faced fellow; with blue eyes and a golden beard parted in two。

It had been arranged that we should spend the honeymoon down at their

inn on the river。  My wife; Dalton and I; went to a restaurant for

lunch。  She was dressed in grey; the colour of a pigeon's feathers。〃

He paused; leaning forward over the crutch handle of his stick;

trying to conjure up; no doubt; that long…ago image of his young

bride in her dress 〃the colour of a pigeon's feathers;〃 with her blue

eyes and yellow hair; the little frown between her brows; the firmly

shut red lips; opening to speak the words; 〃For better; for worse;

for richer; for poorer; in sickness and in health。〃



〃At that time; sir;〃 he went on suddenly; 〃I was a bit of a dandy。  I

wore; I remember; a blue frock…coat; with white trousers; and a grey

top hat。  Even now I should always prefer to be well dressed。。。。



〃We had an excellent lunch; and drank Veuve Clicquot; a wine that you

cannot get in these days!  Dalton came with us to the railway

station。  I can't bear partings; and yet; they must come。



〃That evening we walked out in the cool under the aspen…trees。  What

should I remember in all my life if not that nightthe young

bullocks snuffling in the gatewaysthe campion flowers all lighted

up along the hedgesthe moon with a halo…bats; too; in and out among

the stems; and the shadows of the cottages as black and soft as that

sea down there。  For a long time we stood on the river…bank beneath a

lime…tree。  The scent of the lime flowers!  A man can only endure

about half his joy; about half his sorrow。  Lucy and her husband;〃 he

went on; presently; 〃his name was Frank Tora man like an old

Viking; who ate nothing but milk; bread; and fruitwere very good to

us!  It was like Paradise in that innthough the commissariat; I am

bound to say; was limited。  The sweetbriar grew round our bedroom

windows; when the breeze blew the leaves across the openingit was

like a bath of perfume。  Eilie grew as brown as a gipsy while we were

there。  I don't think any man could have loved her more than I did。

But there were times when my heart stood still; it didn't seem as if

she understood how much I loved her。  One day; I remember; she coaxed

me to take her camping。  We drifted down…stream all the afternoon;

and in the evening pulled into the reeds under the willow…boughs and

lit a fire for her to cook bythough; as a matter of fact; our

provisions were cooked alreadybut you know how it is; all the

romance was in having a real fire。  'We won't pretend;' she kept

saying。  While we were eating our supper a hare came to our clearing…

…a big fellowhow surprised he looked!  'The tall hare;' Eilie

called him。  After that we sat by the ashes and watched the shadows;

till at last she roamed away from me。  The time went very slowly; I

got up to look for her。  It was past sundown。  I called and called。

It was a long time before I found herand she was like a wild thing;

hot and flushed; her pretty frock torn; her hands and face scratched;

her hair down; like some beautiful creature of the woods。  If one

loves; a little thing will scare one。  I didn't think she had noticed

my fright; but when we got back to the boat she threw her arms round

my neck; and said; 'I won't ever leave you again!'



〃Once in the night I wokea water…hen was crying; and in the

moonlight a kingfisher flew across。  The wonder on the riverthe

wonder of the moon and trees; the soft bright mist; the stillness! It

was like another world; peaceful; enchanted; far holier than ours。

It seemed like a vision of the thoughts that come to onehow seldom!

and go if one tries to grasp them。  Magicpoetry…sacred!〃  He was

silent a minute; then went on in a wistful voice: 〃I looked at her;

sleeping like a child; with her hair loose; and her lips apart; and I

thought: 'God do so to me; if ever I bring her pain!'  How was I to

understand her? the mystery and innocence of her soul!  The river has

had all my light and all my darkness; the happiest days; and the

hours when I've despaired; and I like to think of it; for; you know;

in time bitter memories fade; only the good remain。。。。  Yet the good

have their own pain; a different kind of aching; for we shall never

get them back。  Sir;〃 he said; turning to me with a faint smile;

〃it's no use crying over spilt milk。。。。  In the neighbourhood of

Lucy's inn; the Rose and MaybushCan you imagine a prettier name?  I

have been all over the world; and nowhere found names so pretty as in

the English country。  There; too; every blade of grass; and flower;

has a kind of pride about it; knows it will be cared for; and all the

roads; trees; and cottages; seem to be certain that they will live

for ever。。。。  But I was going to tell you: Half a mile from the inn

was a quiet old house which we used to call the 'Convent'though I

believe it was a farm。  We spent many afternoons there; trespassing

in the orchardEilie was fond of trespassing; if there were a long

way round across somebody else's property; she would always take it。

We spent our last afternoon in that orchard; lying in the long grass。

I was reading Childe Harold for the first timea wonderful; a

memorable poem!  I was at that passagethe bull…fightyou remember:



〃'Thrice sounds the clarion; lo! the signal falls;

The din expands; and expectation mute'



when suddenly Eilie said: 'Suppose I were to leave off loving you?'

It was as if some one had struck me in the face。  I jumped up; and

tried to take her in my arms; but she slipped away; then she turned;

and began laughing softly。  I laughed too。  I don't know why。。。。









VI



〃We went back to London the next day; we lived quite close to the

school; and about five days a week Dalton came to dine with us。  He

would have come every day; if he had not been the sort of man who

refuses to consult his own pleasure。  We had more pupils than ever。

In my leisure I taught my wife to fence。  I have never seen any one

so lithe and quick; or so beautiful as she looked in her fencin
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