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forge； and those who brought fuel to the engine； when they began to
draw short breath； positively emitted smoke from their mouth and
nostrils。
Among the idlers about the train； most of whom were puffing
cigars which they had lighted at the flame of the crater； I was
perplexed to notice several who； to my certain knowledge； had
heretofore set forth by railroad for the Celestial City。 They looked
dark； wild； and smoky； with a singular resemblance； indeed； to the
native inhabitants； like whom； also； they had a disagreeable
propensity to ill…natured gibes and sneers； the habit of which had
wrought a settled contortion of their visages。 Having been on speaking
terms with one of these persons… an indolent； good…for…nothing fellow；
who went by the name of Take…it…easy… I called him； and inquired
what was his business there。
〃Did you not start；〃 said I； 〃for the Celestial City？〃
〃That's a fact；〃 said Mr。 Take…it…easy； carelessly puffing some
smoke into my eyes。 〃But I heard such bad accounts； that I never
took pains to climb the hill； on which the city stands。 No business
doing… no fun going on… nothing to drink； and no smoking allowed…
and a thrumming of church…music from morning till night！ I would not
stay in such a place； if they offered me house…room and living free。〃
〃But； my good Mr。 Take…it…easy；〃 cried I； 〃why take up your
residence here； of all places in the world？〃
〃Oh；〃 said the loafer； with a grin； 〃it is very warm hereabouts；
and I meet with plenty of old acquaintances； and altogether the
place suits me。 I hope to see you back again； some day soon。 A
pleasant journey to you！〃
While he was speaking； the bell of the engine rang； and we dashed
away； after dropping a few passengers； but receiving no new ones。
Rattling onward through the Valley； we were dazzled with the
fiercely gleaming gas…lamps； as before。 But sometimes； in the dark
of intense brightness； grim faces； that bore the aspect and expression
of individual sins； or evil passions； seemed to thrust themselves
through the veil of light； glaring upon us； and stretching forth a
great dusky hand； as if to impede our progress。 I almost thought； that
they were my own sins that appalled me there。 These were freaks of
imagination… nothing more； certainly… mere delusions； which I ought to
be heartily ashamed of… but； all through the Dark Valley； I was
tormented； and pestered； and dolefully bewildered； with the same
kind of waking dreams。 The mephitic gases of that region intoxicate
the brain。 As the light of natural day； however； began to struggle
with the glow of the lanterns； these vain imaginations lost their
vividness； and finally vanished with the first ray of sunshine that
greeted our escape from the Valley of the Shadow of Death。 Ere we
had gone a mile beyond it； I could well nigh have taken my oath；
that this whole gloomy passage was a dream。
At the end of the Valley； as John Bunyan mentions； is a cavern；
where； in his days； dwelt two cruel giants； Pope and Pagan； who had
strewn the ground about their residence with the bones of
slaughtered pilgrims。 These vile old troglodytes are no longer
there； but in their deserted cave another terrible giant has thrust
himself； and makes it his business to seize upon honest travellers；
and fat them for his table with plentiful meals of smoke； mist；
moonshine； raw potatoes； and saw…dust。 He is a German by birth； and is
called Giant Transcendentalist； but as to his form； his features；
his substance； and his nature generally； it is the chief peculiarity
of this huge miscreant； that neither he for himself； nor anybody for
him； has ever been able to describe them。 As we rushed by the cavern's
mouth； we caught a hasty glimpse of him； looking somewhat like an
ill…proportioned figure； but considerably more like a heap of fog
and duskiness。 He shouted after us but in so strange a phraseology；
that we knew not what he meant； nor whether to be encouraged or
affrighted。
It was late in the day； when the train thundered into the ancient
city of Vanity； where Vanity Fair is still at the height of
prosperity； and exhibits an epitome of whatever is brilliant； gay； and
fascinating； beneath the sun。 As I purposed to make a considerable
stay here； it gratified me to learn that there is no longer the want
of harmony between the townspeople and pilgrims； which impelled the
former to such lamentably mistaken measures as the persecution of
Christian； and the fiery martyrdom of Faithful。 On the contrary； as
the new railroad brings with it great trade and a constant influx of
strangers； the lord of Vanity Fair is its chief patron； and the
capitalists of the city are among the largest stockholders。 Many
passengers stop to take their pleasure or make their profit in the
Fair； instead of going onward to the Celestial City。 Indeed； such
are the charms of the place； that people often affirm it to be the
true and only heaven； stoutly contending that there is no other；
that those who seek further are mere dreamers； and that； if the fabled
brightness of the Celestial City lay but a bare mile beyond the
gates of Vanity； they would not be fools enough to go thither。 Without
subscribing to these； perhaps； exaggerated encomiums； I can truly say；
that my abode in the city was mainly agreeable； and my intercourse
with the inhabitants productive of much amusement and instruction。
Being naturally of a serious turn； my attention was directed to the
solid advantages derivable from a residence here； rather than to the
effervescent pleasures； which are the grand object with too many
visitants。 The Christian reader； if he have no accounts of the city
later than Bunyan's time； will be surprised to hear that almost
every street has its church； and that the reverend clergy are
nowhere held in higher respect than at Vanity Fair。 And well do they
deserve such honorable estimation； for the maxims of wisdom and virtue
which fall from their lips； come from as deep a spiritual source；
and tend to as lofty a religious aim； as those of the sagest
philosophers of old。 In justification of this high praise； I need only
mention the names of the Rev。 Mr。 Shallow…deep； the Rev。 Mr。
Stumble…at…Truth； that fine old clerical character； the Rev。 Mr。
This…to…day； who expects shortly to resign his pulpit to the Rev。
Mr。 That…to…morrow； together with the Rev。 Mr。 Bewilderment； the
Rev。 Mr。 Clog…the…spirit； and； last and greatest； the Rev。 Dr。
Wind…of…doctrine。 The labors of these eminent divines are aided by
those of innumerable lecturers； who diffuse such a various profundity；
in all subjects of human or celestial science； that any man may
acquire an omnigenous erudition； without the trouble of even
learning to read。 Thus literature is etherealized by assuming for
its medium the human voice； and knowledge； depositing all its
heavier particles… except； doubtless； its gold… becomes exhaled into a
sound； which forthwith steals into the ever…open ear of the community。
These ingenious methods constitute a sort of machinery； by which
thought and study are done to every person's hand； without his putting
himself to the slightest inconvenience in the matter。 There is another
species of machine for the wholesale manufacture of individual
morality。 This excellent result is effected by societies for all
manner of virtuous purposes； with which a man has merely to connect
himself； throwing； as it were； his quota of virtue into the common
stock； and the president and directors will take care that the
aggregate amount be well applied。 All these； and other wonderful
improvements in ethics； religion； and literature； being made plain
to my comprehension； by the ingenious Mr。 Smooth…it…away； inspired
me with a vast admiration of Vanity Fair。
It would fill a volume； in an age of pamphlets； were I to record
all my observations in this great capital of human business and
pleasure。 There was an unlimited range of society… the powerful； the
wise； the witty； and the famous in every walk of life… princes；
presidents； poets； generals； artists； actors； and philanthropists； all
making their own market at the Fair； and deeming no price too
exorbitant for such commodities as hit their fancy。 It was well
worth one's while； even if he had no idea of buying or selling； to
loiter through the bazaars； and observe the various sorts of traffic
that were going forward。
Some of the purchasers； I thought； made very foolish bargains。
For instance； a young man having inherited a splendid fortune； laid
out a considerable portion of it in the purchase of diseases； and
finally spent all the rest for a heavy lot of repentance and a suit of
rags。 A very pretty girl bartered a heart as clear as crystal； and
which seemed her most valuable possession； for another jewel of the
same kind； but so worn and defaced as to be utterly worthless。 In
one shop； there were a great many crowns of laurel and myrtle； which
soldiers； authors； statesmen； and various other people； pressed
eagerly to buy； some purchased these paltry wreaths with their
lives； others by a