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and to stake his eternal hopes on the event。
Then he took up a notion that the day of grace for Bedford and the
neighbouring villages was past： that all who were to be saved in that part
of England were already converted； and that he had begun to pray and
strive some months too late。
Then he was harassed by doubts whether the Turks were not in the
right； and the Christians in the wrong。 Then he was troubled by a maniacal
impulse which prompted him to pray to the trees； to a broom…stick； to the
parish bull。 As yet； however； he was only entering the Valley of the
Shadow of Death。 Soon the darkness grew thicker。 Hideous forms floated
before him。 Sounds of cursing and wailing were in his ears。 His way ran
through stench and fire； close to the mouth of the bottomless pit。 He began
to be haunted by a strange curiosity about the unpardonable sin； and by a
morbid longing to commit it。 But the most frightful of all the forms which
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THE MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS AND SPEECHES OF LORD MACAULAY。
his disease took was a propensity to utter blasphemy； and especially to
renounce his share in the benefits of the redemption。 Night and day； in bed；
at table； at work； evil spirits； as he imagined； were repeating close to his
ear the words； 〃Sell him； sell him。〃 He struck at the hobgoblins； he pushed
them from him； but still they were ever at his side。 He cried out in answer
to them； hour after hour： 〃Never； never； not for thousands of worlds； not
for thousands。〃 At length； worn out by this long agony； he suffered the
fatal words to escape him； 〃Let him go； if he will。〃 Then his misery
became more fearful than ever。 He had done what could not be forgiven。
He had forfeited his part of the great sacrifice。 Like Esau； he had sold his
birthright； and there was no longer any place for repentance。 〃None；〃 he
afterwards wrote； 〃knows the terrors of those days but myself。〃 He has
described his sufferings with singular energy； simplicity； and pathos。 He
envied the brutes； he envied the very stones in the street； and the tiles on
the houses。 The sun seemed to withhold its light and warmth from him。
His body； though cast in a sturdy mould； and though still in the highest
vigour of youth； trembled whole days together with the fear of death and
judgment。 He fancied that this trembling was the sign set on the worst
reprobates； the sign which God had put on Cain。 The unhappy man's
emotion destroyed his power of digestion。 He had such pains that he
expected to burst asunder like Judas； whom he regarded as his prototype。
Neither the books which Bunyan read； nor the advisers whom he
consulted； were likely to do much good in a case like his。 His small library
had received a most unseasonable addition； the account of the lamentable
end of Francis Spira。 One ancient man of high repute for piety； whom the
sufferer consulted； gave an opinion which might well have produced fatal
consequences。 〃I am afraid；〃 said Bunyan； 〃that I have committed the sin
against the Holy Ghost。〃 〃Indeed；〃 said the old fanatic； 〃I am afraid that
you have。〃
At length the clouds broke； the light became clearer and clearer； and
the enthusiast； who had imagined that he was branded with the mark of the
first murderer； and destined to the end of the arch traitor； enjoyed peace
and a cheerful confidence in the mercy of God。 Years elapsed； however；
before his nerves； which had been so perilously overstrained； recovered
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THE MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS AND SPEECHES OF LORD MACAULAY。
their tone。 When he had joined a Baptist society at Bedford； and was for
the first time admitted to partake of the Eucharist； it was with difficulty
that he could refrain from imprecating destruction on his brethren while
the cup was passing from hand to hand。 After he had been some time a
member of the congregation； he began to preach； and his sermons
produced a powerful effect。 He was indeed illiterate； but he spoke to
illiterate men。 The severe training through which he had passed had given
him such an experimental knowledge of all the modes of religious
melancholy as he could never have gathered from books； and his vigorous
genius； animated by a fervent spirit of devotion； enabled him； not only to
exercise a great influence over the vulgar； but even to extort the half
contemptuous admiration of scholars。 Yet it was long before he ceased to
be tormented by an impulse which urged him to utter words of horrible
impiety in the pulpit。
Counter…irritants are of as great use in moral as in physical diseases。 It
should seem that Bunyan was finally relieved from the internal sufferings
which had embittered his life by sharp persecution from without。 He had
been five years a preacher； when the Restoration put it in the power of the
Cavalier gentlemen and clergymen all over the country to oppress the
Dissenters； and of all the Dissenters whose history is known to us； he was
perhaps the most hardly treated。 In November 1660； he was flung into
Bedford gaol； and there he remained； with some intervals of partial and
precarious liberty； during twelve years。 His persecutors tried to extort from
him a promise that he would abstain from preaching； but he was
convinced that he was divinely set apart and commissioned to be a teacher
of righteousness； and he was fully determined to obey God rather than
man。 He was brought before several tribunals； laughed at； caressed； reviled；
menaced； but in vain。 He was facetiously told that he was quite right in
thinking that he ought not to hide his gift； but that his real gift was skill in
repairing old kettles。 He was compared to Alexander the coppersmith。 He
was told that； if he would give up preaching； he should be instantly
liberated。 He was warned that； if he persisted in disobeying the law； he
would be liable to banishment； and that； if he were found in England after
a certain time his neck would be stretched。 His answer was； 〃If you let me
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THE MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS AND SPEECHES OF LORD MACAULAY。
out to…day； I will preach again to…morrow。〃 Year after year he lay patiently
in a dungeon； compared with which the worse prison now to be found in
the island is a palace。 His fortitude is the more extraordinary； because his
domestic feelings were unusually strong。 Indeed； he was considered by his
stern brethren as somewhat too fond and indulgent a parent。 He had
several small children； and among them a daughter who was blind； and
whom he loved with peculiar tenderness。 He could not； he said； bear even
to let the wind blow on her； and now she must suffer cold and hunger； she
must beg； she must be beaten； 〃yet；〃 he added； 〃I must； I must do it。〃
While he lay in prison he could do nothing in the way of his old trade for
the support of his family。 He determined； therefore； to take up a new trade。
He learned to make long tagged thread laces； and many thousands of these
articles were furnished by him to the hawkers。 While his hands were thus
busied； he had other employment for his mind and his lips。 He gave
religious instruction to his fellow… captives； and formed from among them
a little flock； of which he was himself the pastor。 He studied indefatigably
the few books which he possessed。 His two chief companions were the
Bible and Fox's Book of Martyrs。 His knowledge of the Bible was such
that he might have been called a living concordance； and on the margin of
his copy of the Book of Martyrs are still legible the ill spelt lines of
doggrel in which he expressed his reverence for the brave sufferers； and
his implacable enmity to the mystical Babylon。
At length he began to write； and though it was some time before he
discovered where his strength lay； his writings were not unsuccessful。
They were coarse； indeed； but they showed a keen mother wit； a great
com