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ERMYNTRUDE ＇shocked＇。 Oh； Captain！ Take care！ Incadisparagement。
THE INCA。 I repeat； grossly overrated。 Strictly between
ourselves； I do not believe all this about Providence entrusting
the care of sixty million human beings to the abilities of Chips
and the Piffler and Jack Johnson。 I believe in individual genius。
That is the Inca's secret。 It must be。 Why； hang it all； madam；
if it were a mere family matter； the Inca's uncle would have been
as great a man as the Inca。 Andwell； everybody knows what the
Inca's uncle was。
ERMYNTRUDE。 My experience is that the relatives of men of genius
are always the greatest duffers imaginable。
THE INCA。 Precisely。 That is what proves that the Inca is a man
of genius。 His relatives ARE duffers。
ERMYNTRUDE。 But bless my soul； Captain； if all the Inca's
generals are incapables； and all his relatives duffers； Perusalem
will be beaten in the war； and then it will become a republic；
like France after 1871； and the Inca will be sent to St Helena。
THE INCA ＇triumphantly＇。 That is just what the Inca is playing
for； madam。 It is why he consented to the war。
ERMYNTRUDE。 What！
THE INCA。 Aha！ The fools talk of crushing the Inca； but they
little know their man。 Tell me this。 Why did St Helena extinguish
Napoleon？
ERMYNTRUDE。 I give it up。
THE INCA。 Because； madam； with certain rather remarkable
qualities； which I should be the last to deny； Napoleon lacked
versatility。 After all； any fool can be a soldier： we know that
only too well in Perusalem； where every fool is a soldier。 But
the Inca has a thousand other resources。 He is an architect。
Well； St Helena presents an unlimited field to the architect。 He
is a painter： need I remind you that St Helena is still without a
National Gallery？ He is a composer： Napoleon left no symphonies
in St Helena。 Send the Inca to St Helena； madam； and the world
will crowd thither to see his works as they crowd now to Athens
to see the Acropolis； to Madrid to see the pictures of Velasquez；
to Bayreuth to see the music dramas of that egotistical old rebel
Richard Wagner； who ought to have been shot before he was forty；
as indeed he very nearly was。 Take this from me： hereditary
monarchs are played out： the age for men of genius has come： the
career is open to the talents： before ten years have elapsed
every civilized country from the Carpathians to the Rocky
Mountains will be a Republic。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Then goodbye to the Inca。
THE INCA。 On the contrary； madam； the Inca will then have his
first real chance。 He will be unanimously invited by those
Republics to return from his exile and act as Superpresident of
all the republics。
ERMYNTRUDE。 But won't that be a come…down for him？ Think of it！
after being Inca； to be a mere President！
THE INCA。 Well； why not！ An Inca can do nothing。 He is tied hand
and foot。 A constitutional monarch is openly called an
India…rubber stamp。 An emperor is a puppet。 The Inca is not
allowed to make a speech： he is compelled to take up a screed of
flatulent twaddle written by some noodle of a minister and read
it aloud。 But look at the American President！ He is the
Allerhochst； if you like。 No； madam； believe me； there is nothing
like Democracy； American Democracy。 Give the people voting
papers： good long voting papers； American fashion； and while the
people are reading the voting papers the Government does what it
likes。
ERMYNTRUDE。 What！ You too worship before the statue of Liberty；
like the Americans？
THE INCA。 Not at all； madam。 The Americans do not worship the
statue of Liberty。 They have erected it in the proper place for a
statue of Liberty： on its tomb ＇he turns down his moustaches。＇
ERMYNTRUDE ＇laughing＇。 Oh！ You'd better not let them hear you say
that； Captain。
THE INCA。 Quite safe； madam： they would take it as a joke。 ＇He
rises。 And now； prepare yourself for a surprise。 ＇She rises＇。 A
shock。 Brace yourself。 Steel yourself。 And do not be afraid。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Whatever on earth can you be going to tell me；
Captain？
THE INCA。 Madam； I am no captain。 I
ERMYNTRUDE。 You are the Inca in disguise。
THE INCA。 Good heavens！ how do you know that？ Who has betrayed
me？
ERMYNTRUDE。 How could I help divining it； Sir？ Who is there in
the world like you？ Your magnetism
THE INCA。 True： I had forgotten my magnetism。 But you know now
that beneath the trappings of Imperial Majesty there is a Man：
simple； frank； modest； unaffected； colloquial： a sincere friend；
a natural human being； a genial comrade； one eminently calculated
to make a woman happy。 You； on the other hand； are the most
charming woman I have ever met。 Your conversation is wonderful。 I
have sat here almost in silence； listening to your shrewd and
penetrating account of my character； my motives； if I may say so；
my talents。 Never has such justice been done me： never have I
experienced such perfect sympathy。 Will youI hardly know how to
put thiswill you be mine？
ERMYNTRUDE。 Oh； Sir； you are married。
THE INCA。 I am prepared to embrace the Mahometan faith； which
allows a man four wives； if you will consent。 It will please the
Turks。 But I had rather you did not mention it to the Inca…ess。
if you don't mind。
ERMYNTRUDE。 This is really charming of you。 But the time has come
for me to make a revelation。 It is your Imperial Majesty's turn
now to brace yourself。 To steel yourself。 I am not the princess。
I am
THE INCA。 The daughter of my old friend Archdeacon Daffodil
Donkin； whose sermons are read to me every evening after dinner。
I never forget a face。
ERMYNTRUDE。 You knew all along！
THE INCA ＇bitterly； throwing himself into his chair＇。 And you
supposed that I； who have been condemned to the society of
princesses all my wretched life； believed for a moment that any
princess that ever walked could have your intelligence！
ERMYNTRUDE。 How clever of you； Sir！ But you cannot afford to
marry me。
THE INCA ＇springing up＇。 Why not？
ERMYNTRUDE。 You are too poor。 You have to eat war bread。 Kings
nowadays belong to the poorer classes。 The King of England does
not even allow himself wine at dinner。
THE INCA ＇delighted＇。 Haw！ Ha ha！ Haw！ haw！ ＇He is convulsed with
laughter； and ；finally has to relieve his feelings by waltzing
half round the room。＇
ERMYNTRUDE。 You may laugh； Sir； but I really could not live in
that style。 I am the widow of a millionaire； ruined by your
little war。
THE INCA。 A millionaire！ What are millionaires now； with the
world crumbling？
ERMYNTRUDE。 Excuse me： mine was a hyphenated millionaire。
THE INCA。 A highfalutin millionaire； you mean。 ＇Chuckling＇。 Haw！
ha ha！ really very nearly a pun； that。 ＇He sits down in her
chair。＇
ERMYNTRUDE ＇revolted； sinking into his chair＇。 I think it quite
the worst pun I ever heard。
THE INCA。 The best puns have all been made years ago： nothing
remained but to achieve the worst。 However； madam ＇he rises
majestically； and she is about to rise also＇。 No： I prefer a
seated audience ＇she falls back into her seat at the imperious
wave of his hand＇。 So ＇he clicks his heels＇。 Madam； I recognize
my presumption in having sought the honor of your hand。 As you
say； I cannot afford it。 Victorious as I am； I am hopelessly
bankrupt； and the worst of it is； I am intelligent enough to know
it。 And I shall be beaten in consequence； because my most
implacable enemy； though only a few months further away from
bankruptcy than myself； has not a ray of intelligence； and will
go on fighting until civilization is destroyed； unless I； out of
sheer pity for the world； condescend to capitulate。
ERMYNTRUDE。 The sooner the better； Sir。 Many fine young men are
dying while you wait。
THE INCA ＇flinching painfully＇。 Why？ Why do they do it？
ERMYNTRUDE。 Because you make them。
THE INCA。 Stuff！ How can I？ I am only one man； and they are
millions。 Do you suppose they would really kill each other if
they didn't want to； merely for the sake of my beautiful eyes？ Do
not be deceived by newspaper claptrap； madam。 I was swept away by
a passion not my own； which imposed itself on me。 By myself I am
nothing。 I dare not walk down the principal street of my own
capital in a coat two years old； though the sweeper of that
street can wear one ten years old。 You talk of death as an
unpopular thing。 You are wrong： for years I gave them art；
literature； science； prosperity； that they might live more
abundantly； and they hated me； ridiculed me； caricatured
me。 Now that I give them death in its frightfullest forms； they
are devoted to me。 If you doubt me； ask those who for years have
begged our taxpayers in vain for a few paltry thousands to spend
on Life： on the bodies and minds of the nation's children； on the
beauty and healthfulness of its cities； on the honor and comfort
of its worn…out workers。 They refused： and because they refused；
death is let loose on them。 They grudged a few hundreds a year
for their salvation： they now pay millions a day for their own
destruction and damnation。 And this they call my doing！ Let them
say it； if they dare； before the judgment…seat at which they and
I shall answer at last for what we have left undone no less than
for what we have done。 ＇Pulling himself