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would be dismissed from this disagreeable office； but the event
turned out contrary to his expectation。 His master declared he
was the best scratcher in the family； and now he will not suffer
any other servant to draw a nail upon his carcase。
The 'squire's lady is very proud； without being stiff or
inaccessible。 She receives even her inferiors in point of fortune
with a kind of arrogant civility； but then she thinks she has a
right to treat them with the most ungracious freedoms of speech；
and never fails to let them know she is sensible of her own
superior affluence。 In a word； she speaks well of no living soul；
and has not one single friend in the world。 Her husband hates her
mortally； but； although the brute is sometimes so very powerful
in him that he will have his own way； he generally truckles to
her dominion； and dreads； like a school…boy； the lash of her
tongue。 On the other hand； she is afraid of provoking him too
far； lest he should make some desperate effort to shake off her
yoke。 She； therefore； acquiesces in the proofs he daily gives of
his attachment to the liberty of an English freeholder； by saying
and doing； at his own table； whatever gratifies the brutality of
his disposition； or contributes to the case of his person。 The
house； though large； is neither elegant nor comfortable。 It
looks like a great inn； crowded with travellers； who dine at the
landlord's ordinary； where there is a great profusion of victuals
and drink； but mine host seems to be misplaced； and I would
rather dine upon filberts with a hermit； than feed upon venison
with a hog。 The footmen might be aptly compared to the waiters of
a tavern； if they were more serviceable and less rapacious； but
they are generally insolent and inattentive； and so greedy； that；
I think； I can dine better； and for less expence； at the Star and
Garter in Pall mall； than at our cousin's castle in Yorkshire。
The 'squire is not only accommodated with a wife； but he is also
blessed with an only son； about two and twenty； just returned
from Italy； a complete fidler and dillettante； and he slips no
opportunity of manifesting the most perfect contempt for his own
father。
When we arrived； there was a family of foreigners at the house；
on a visit to this virtuoso； with whom they had been acquainted
at the Spa； it was the count de Melville； with his lady； on their
way to Scotland。 Mr Burdock had met with an accident； in
consequence of which both the count and I would have retired but
the young gentleman and his mother insisted upon our staying
dinner； and their serenity seemed to be so little ruffled by what
had happened； that we complied with their invitation。 The 'squire
had been brought home over night in his post…chaise； so terribly
belaboured about the pate； that he seemed to be in a state of
stupefaction； and had ever since remained speechless。 A country
apothecary； called Grieve； who lived in a neighbouring village；
having been called to his assistance； had let him blood； and
applied a poultice to his head； declaring； that he had no fever；
nor any other bad symptom but the loss of speech； if he really
had lost that faculty。 But the young 'squire said this
practitioner was an ignorantaccio； that there was a fracture in
the cranium； and that there was a necessity for having him
trepanned without loss of time。 His mother； espousing this
opinion； had sent an express to York for a surgeon to perform the
operation； and he was already come with his 'prentice and
instruments。 Having examined the patient's head； he began to
prepare his dressings； though Grieve still retained his first
opinion that there was no fracture； and was the more confirmed in
it as the 'squire had passed the night in profound sleep；
uninterrupted by any catching or convulsion。 The York surgeon
said he could not tell whether there was a fracture； until he
should take off the scalp； but； at any rate； the operation might
be of service in giving vent to any blood that might be
extravasated； either above or below the dura mater。 The lady and
her son were clear for trying the experiment； and Grieve was
dismissed with some marks of contempt； which； perhaps； he owed to
the plainness of his appearance。 He seemed to be about the middle
age； wore his own black hair without any sort of dressing； by his
garb； one would have taken him for a quaker； but he had none of
the stiffness of that sect； on the contrary he was very
submissive； respectful； and remarkably taciturn。
Leaving the ladies in an apartment by themselves； we adjourned to
the patient's chamber； where the dressings and instruments were
displayed in order upon a pewter dish。 The operator； laying aside
his coat and periwig； equipped himself with a night…cap； apron；
and sleeves； while his 'prentice and footman； seizing the
'squire's head； began to place it in a proper posture。 But mark
what followed。 The patient； bolting upright in the bed； collared
each of these assistants with the grasp of Hercules； exclaiming；
in a bellowing tone； 'I ha'n't lived so long in Yorkshire to be
trepanned by such vermin as you；' and leaping on the floor； put
on his breeches quietly； to the astonishment of us all。 The
Surgeon still insisted upon the operation； alleging it was now
plain that the brain was injured； and desiring the servants put
him into bed again； but nobody would venture to execute his
orders； or even to interpose： when the 'squire turned him and his
assistants out of doors； and threw his apparatus out at the
window。 Having thus asserted his prerogative； and put on his
cloaths with the help of a valet； the count； with my nephew and
me； were introduced by his son； and received with his usual stile
of rustic civility； then turning to signor Macaroni； with a
sarcastic grin； 'I tell thee what； Dick （said he）； a man's scull
is not to be bored every time his head is broken； and I'll
convince thee and thy mother； that I know as many tricks as e'er
an old fox in the West Riding。'
We afterwards understood he had quarrelled at a public house with
an exciseman； whom he challenged to a bout at single stick； in
which he had been worsted； and that the shame of this defeat had
tied up his tongue。 As for madam； she had shewn no concern for
his disaster； and now heard of his recovery without emotion She
had taken some little notice of my sister and niece； though
rather with a view to indulge her own petulance； than out of any
sentiment of regard to our family。 She said Liddy was a fright；
and ordered her woman to adjust her head before dinner； but she
would not meddle with Tabby； whose spirit； she soon perceived；
was not to be irritated with impunity。 At table； she acknowledged
me so far as to say she had heard of my father； though she
hinted； that he had disobliged her family by making a poor match
in Wales。 She was disagreeably familiar in her enquiries about
our circumstances； and asked； if I intended to bring up my nephew
to the law。 I told her； that； as he had an independent fortune；
he should follow no profession but that of a country gentleman；
and that I was not without hopes of procuring for him a seat in
parliament 'Pray cousin （said she）； what may his fortune be？'
When I answered； that； with what I should be able to give him； he
would have better than two thousand a year； she replied； with a
disdainful toss of her head； that it would be impossible for him
to preserve his independence on such a paultry provision。
Not a little nettled at this arrogant remark； I told her； I had
the honour to sit in parliament with her father； when he had
little more than half that income； and I believed there was not a
more independent and incorruptible member in the house。 'Ay； but
times are changed （cried the 'squire） Country gentlemen now…a…days
live after another fashion。 My table alone stands me in a
cool thousand a quarter； though I raise my own stock； import my
own liquors； and have every thing at the first hand。 True it
is； I keep open house； and receive all corners； for the honour of
Old England。' 'If that be the case （said I）； 'tis a wonder you
can maintain it at so small an expence； but every private
gentleman is not expected to keep a caravanserai for the
accommodation of travellers： indeed； if every individual lived in
the same stile； you would not have such a number of guests at
your table； of consequence your hospitality would not shine so
bright for the glory of the West Riding。' The young 'squire；
tickled by this ironical observation； exclaimed； 'O che burla！'
his mother eyed me in silence with a supercilious air； and the
father of the feast； taking a bumper of October； 'My service to
you； cousin Bramble （said he）； I have always heard there was
something keen and biting in the air of the Welch mountains。'
I was much pleased with the count de Melville； who is sensible；
easy； and polite； and the countess is the most amiable woman I
ever beheld。 In the afternoon they took leave of their
entertainers； and the young gentleman； mounting his horse；
undertook to conduct their coach through the park； while one of
their servants rode round to give notice to the rest； whom they
had left at a public house on the road。 The moment t