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Heark ye； Mrs Tabitha Bramble； I will now propose an alternative
in my turn。 Either discard your four…footed favourite； or give me
leave to bid you eternally adieu For I am determined that he and
I shall live no longer under the same roof； and to dinner with
what appetite you may' Thunderstruck at this declaration； she
sat down in a corner； and； after a pause of some minutes； 'Sure I
don't understand you； Matt！ （said she）' 'And yet I spoke in plain
English' answered the 'squire； with a peremptory look。 'Sir
（resumed this virago； effectually humbled）； it is your
prerogative to command； and my duty to obey。 I can't dispose of
the dog in this place； but if you'll allow him to go in the coach
to London； I give you my word； he shall never trouble you again。'
Her brother； entirely disarmed by this mild reply； declared； she
could ask him nothing in reason that he would refuse； adding； 'I
hope； sister； you have never found me deficient in natural
affection。'
Mrs Tabitha immediately rose； and； throwing her arms about his
neck； kissed him on the cheek： he returned her embrace with great
emotion。 Liddy sobbed； Win。 Jenkins cackled； Chowder capered； and
Clinker skipped about； rubbing his hands for joy of this
reconciliation。
Concord being thus restored； we finished our meal with comfort；
and in the evening arrived at London； without having met with any
other adventure。 My aunt seems to be much mended by the hint she
received from her brother。 She has been graciously pleased to
remove her displeasure from Clinker； who is now retained as a
footman； and in a day or two will make his appearance in a new
suit of livery； but as he is little acquainted with London； we
have taken an occasional valet； whom I intend hereafter to hire
as my own servant。 We lodge in Goldensquare； at the house of one
Mrs Notion； a decent sort of a woman； who takes great pains to
make us all easy。 My uncle proposes to make a circuit of all the
remarkable scenes of this metropolis； for the entertainment of
his pupils； but as both you and I are already acquainted with
most of those he will visit； and with some others he little
dreams of； I shall only communicate what will be in some measure
new to your observation。 Remember me to our Jesuitical friends；
and believe me ever；
Dear knight；
Yours affectionately；
J。 MELFORD
LONDON； May 24。
To Dr LEWIS。
DEAR DOCTOR；
London is literally new to me； new in its streets； houses； and
even in its situation； as the Irishman said； 'London is now gone
out of town。' What I left open fields； producing hay and corn； I
now find covered with streets and squares； and palaces； and
churches。 I am credibly informed； that in the space of seven
years； eleven thousand new houses have been built in one quarter
of Westminster； exclusive of what is daily added to other parts
of this unwieldy metropolis。 Pimlico and Knightsbridge are now
almost joined to Chelsea and Kensington； and if this infatuation
continues for half a century； I suppose the whole county of
Middlesex will be covered with brick。
It must be allowed； indeed； for the credit of the present age；
that London and Westminster are much better paved and lighted
than they were formerly。 The new streets are spacious； regular；
and airy； and the houses generally convenient。 The bridge at
Blackfriars is a noble monument of taste and public…spirit。 I
wonder how they stumbled upon a work of such magnificence and
utility。 But； notwithstanding these improvements； the capital is
become an overgrown monster； which； like a dropsical head； will
in time leave the body and extremities without nourishment and
support。 The absurdity will appear in its full force； when we
consider that one sixth part of the natives of this whole
extensive kingdom is crowded within the bills of mortality。 What
wonder that our villages are depopulated； and our farms in want
of day…labourers？ The abolition of small farms is but one cause
of the decrease of population。 Indeed； the incredible increase of
horses and black cattle； to answer the purposes of luxury；
requires a prodigious quantity of hay and grass； which are raised
and managed without much labour； but a number of hands will
always be wanted for the different branches of agriculture；
whether the farms be large or small。 The tide of luxury has swept
all the inhabitants from the open country The poorest squire； as
well as the richest peer； must have his house in town； and make a
figure with an extraordinary number of domestics。 The plough…boys；
cow…herds； and lower hinds are debauched and seduced by the
appearance and discourse of those coxcombs in livery； when they
make their summer excursions。 They desert their dirt and
drudgery； and swarm up to London； in hopes of getting into
service； where they can live luxuriously and wear fine clothes；
without being obliged to work； for idleness is natural to man
Great numbers of these； being disappointed in their expectation；
become thieves and sharpers； and London being an immense
wilderness； in which there is neither watch nor ward of any
signification； nor any order or police； affords them lurking…places
as well as prey。
There are many causes that contribute to the daily increase of
this enormous mass； but they may be all resolved into the grand
source of luxury and corruption About five and twenty years ago；
very few； even of the most opulent citizens of London； kept any
equipage； or even any servants in livery。 Their tables produced
nothing but plain boiled and roasted； with a bottle of port and a
tankard of beer。 At present； every trader in any degree of
credit； every broker and attorney； maintains a couple of footmen；
a coachman； and postilion。 He has his town…house； and his
country…house； his coach； and his post…chaise。 His wife and
daughters appear in the richest stuffs； bespangled with diamonds。
They frequent the court； the opera； the theatre； and the
masquerade。 They hold assemblies at their own houses： they make
sumptuous entertainments； and treat with the richest wines of
Bordeaux； Burgundy； and Champagne。 The substantial tradesman； who
wont to pass his evenings at the ale…house for fourpence half…penny；
now spends three shillings at the tavern； while his wife
keeps card…tables at home； she must likewise have fine clothes；
her chaise； or pad； with country lodgings； and go three times a
week to public diversions。 Every clerk； apprentice； and even
waiter of tavern or coffeehouse； maintains a gelding by himself；
or in partnership； and assumes the air and apparel of a petit
maitre The gayest places of public entertainment are filled with
fashionable figures； which； upon inquiry； will be found to be
journeymen taylors； serving…men； and abigails； disguised like
their betters。
In short； there is no distinction or subordination left The
different departments of life are jumbled together The hod…carrier；
the low mechanic； the tapster； the publican； the
shopkeeper； the pettifogger； the citizen； and courtier； all tread
upon the kibes of one another： actuated by the demons of
profligacy and licentiousness； they are seen every where
rambling； riding； rolling； rushing； justling； mixing； bouncing；
cracking； and crashing in one vile ferment of stupidity and
corruption All is tumult and hurry； one would imagine they were
impelled by some disorder of the brain； that will not suffer them
to be at rest。 The foot…passengers run along as if they were
pursued by bailiffs。 The porters and chairmen trot with their
burthens。 People； who keep their own equipages； drive through the
streets at full speed。 Even citizens； physicians； and
apothecaries； glide in their chariots like lightening。 The
hackney…coachmen make their horses smoke； and the pavement shakes
under them； and I have actually seen a waggon pass through
Piccadilly at the hand…gallop。 In a word； the whole nation seems
to be running out of their wits。
The diversions of the times are not ill suited to the genius of
this incongruous monster； called the public。 Give it noise；
confusion； glare； and glitter； it has no idea of elegance and
propriety What are the amusements of Ranelagh？ One half of the
company are following at the other's tails； in an eternal circle；
like so many blind asses in an olive…mill； where they can neither
discourse； distinguish； nor be distinguished； while the other
half are drinking hot water； under the denomination of tea； till
nine or ten o'clock at night； to keep them awake for the rest of
the evening。 As for the orchestra； the vocal music especially； it
is well for the performers that they cannot be heard distinctly。
Vauxhall is a composition of baubles； overcharged with paltry
ornaments； ill conceived； and poorly executed； without any unity
of design； or propriety of disposition。 It is an unnatural
assembly of objects； fantastically illuminated in broken masses；
seemingly contrived to dazzle the eyes and divert the imagination
of the vulgar Here a wooden lion； there a stone statue； in one
place； a range of things like coffeehouse boxes； covered a…top；
in another； a parcel of ale…house benches； in a third； a puppet…show
representation of a tin cascade； in a fourth； a gloomy cave
of a ci