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what you see I have no friend nor relation upon earth to help me
out I have had the fever and ague these six months； and spent
all I had in the world upon doctors； and to keep soul and body
together； and； saving your ladyship's good presence； I han't
broke bread these four and twenty hours。'
Mrs Bramble； turning from him； said； she had never seen such a
filthy tatterdemalion； and bid him begone； observing； that he
would fill the room full of vermin Her brother darted a
significant glance at her； as she retired with Liddy into another
apartment； and then asked the man if he was known to any person
in Marlborough？ When he answered； that the landlord of the inn
had known him from his infancy； mine host was immediately called；
and being interrogated on the subject； declared that the young
fellow's name was Humphry Clinker。 That he had been a love
begotten babe； brought up in the work…house； and put out
apprentice by the parish to a country black…smith； who died
before the boy's time was out： that he had for some time worked
under his ostler； as a helper and extra postilion； till he was
taken ill of the ague； which disabled him from getting his bread：
that； having sold or pawned every thing he had in the world for
his cure and subsistence； he became so miserable and shabby； that
he disgraced the stable； and was dismissed； but that he never
heard any thing to the prejudice of his character in other
respects。 'So that the fellow being sick and destitute （said my
uncle） you turned him out to die in the streets。' 'I pay the
poor's rate （replied the other） and I have no right to maintain
idle vagrants； either in sickness or health； besides； such a
miserable object would have brought a discredit upon my house。'
'You perceive （said the 'squire； turning to me） our landlord is a
Christian of bowels Who shall presume to censure the morals of
the age； when the very publicans exhibit such examples of
humanity？ Heark ye； Clinker； you are a most notorious offender
You stand convicted of sickness； hunger； wretchedness； and want
But； as it does not belong to me to punish criminals； I will only
take upon me the task of giving you a word of advice。 Get a shirt
with all convenient dispatch； that your nakedness may not
henceforward give offence to travelling gentlewomen； especially
maidens in years。'
So saying； he put a guinea into the hand of the poor fellow； who
stood staring at him in silence； with his mouth wide open； till
the landlord pushed him out of the room。
In the afternoon； as our aunt stept into the coach； she observed；
with some marks of satisfaction； that the postilion； who rode
next to her； was not a shabby wretch like the ragamuffin who had
them into Marlborough。 Indeed； the difference was very
conspicuous： this was a smart fellow； with a narrow brimmed hat；
with gold cording； a cut bob； a decent blue jacket； leather…breaches；
and a clean linen shirt； puffed above the waist…band。
When we arrived at the Castle； on Spin…hill； where we lay； this
new postilion was remarkably assiduous in bringing in the loose
parcels； and； at length； displayed the individual countenance of
Humphry Clinker； who had metamorphosed himself in this manner； by
relieving from pawn part of his own clothes； with the money he
had received from Mr Bramble。
Howsoever pleased the rest of the company were with such a
favourable change in the appearance of this poor creature it
soured on the stomach of Mrs Tabby； who had not yet digested the
affront of his naked skin She tossed her nose in disdain；
saying； she supposed her brother had taken him into favour；
because he had insulted her with his obscenity： that a fool and
his money were soon parted； but that if Matt intended to take the
fellow with him to London； she would not go a foot further that
way My uncle said nothing with his tongue； though his looks were
sufficiently expressive； and next morning Clinker did not appear；
so that we proceeded without further altercation to Salthill；
where we proposed to dine There； the first person that came to
the side of the coach； and began to adjust the footboard； was no
other than Humphry Clinker When I handed out Mrs Bramble； she
eyed him with a furious look； and passed into the house My uncle
was embarrassed； and asked him peevishly； what had brought him
hither？ The fellow said； his honour had been so good to him； that
he had not the heart to part with him； that he would follow him
to the world's end； and serve him all the days of his life；
without fee or reward。
Mr Bramble did not know whether to chide or laugh at this
declaration He foresaw much contradiction on the side of
Tabby； and on the other hand； he could not but be pleased with
the gratitude of Clinker； as well as with the simplicity of his
character 'Suppose I was inclined to take you into my service
（said he） what are your qualifications？ what are you good for？'
'An please your honour （answered this original） I can read and
write； and do the business of the stable indifferent well I can
dress a horse； and shoe him； and bleed and rowel him； and； as for
the practice of sow…gelding； I won't turn my back on e'er a he in
the county of Wilts Then I can make hog's puddings and hob…nails；
mend kettles and tin sauce…pans。' Here uncle burst out a…laughing；
and inquired what other accomplishments he was master
of 'I know something of single…stick； and psalmody （proceeded
Clinker）； I can play upon the jew's…harp； sing Black…ey'd Susan；
Arthur…o'Bradley； and divers other songs； I can dance a Welsh
jig； and Nancy Dawson； wrestle a fall with any lad of my inches；
when I'm in heart； and； under correction I can find a hare when
your honour wants a bit of game。' 'Foregad！ thou are a complete
fellow （cried my uncle； still laughing） I have a good mind to
take thee into my family Prithee； go and try if thou can'st make
peace with my sister Thou ha'st given her much offence by
shewing her thy naked tail。'
Clinker accordingly followed us into the room； cap in hand；
where； addressing himself to Mrs Tabitha； 'May it please your
ladyship's worship （cried he） to pardon and forgive my offences；
and； with God's assistance； I shall take care that my tail shall
never rise up in judgment against me； to offend your ladyship
again。 Do； pray； good； sweet； beautiful lady； take compassion on a
poor sinner God bless your noble countenance； I am sure you are
too handsome and generous to bear malice I will serve you on my
bended knees； by night and by day； by land and by water； and all
for the love and pleasure of serving such an excellent lady。'
This compliment and humiliation had some effect upon Tabby； but
she made no reply； and Clinker； taking silence for consent； gave
his attendance at dinner。 The fellow's natural aukwardness and
the flutter of his spirits were productive of repeated blunders
in the course of his attendance At length； he spilt part of a
custard upon her right shoulder； and； starting back； trod upon
Chowder； who set up a dismal howl Poor Humphry was so
disconcerted at this double mistake； that he dropt the china
dish； which broke into a thousand pieces； then； falling down upon
his knees； remained in that posture gaping； with a most ludicrous
aspect of distress。 Mrs Bramble flew to the dog； and； snatching
him in her arms； presented him to her brother saying； 'This is
all a concerted scheme against this unfortunate animal； whose
only crime is its regard for me Here it is； kill it at once； and
then you'll be satisfied。'
Clinker； hearing these words； and taking them in the literal
acceptation； got up in some hurry； and seizing a knife from the
side…board； cried； 'Not here； an please your ladyship It will
daub the room Give him to me； and I'll carry him to the ditch by
the roadside' To this proposal he received no other answer； than
a hearty box on the ear； that made him stagger to the other side
of the room。 'What！ （said she to her brother） am I to be
affronted by every mangy hound that you pick up on the highway？ I
insist upon your sending this rascallion about his business
immediately' 'For God's sake； sister； compose yourself （said my
uncle） and consider that the poor fellow is innocent of any
intention to give you offence' 'Innocent as the babe unborn'
（cried Humphry）。 'I see it plainly （exclaimed this implacable
maiden）； he acts by your direction； and you are resolved to
support him in his impudence This is a bad return for all the
services I have done you； for nursing you in your sickness；
managing your family； and keeping you from ruining yourself by
your own imprudence But now you shall part with that rascal or
me； upon the spot； without farther loss of time； and the world
shall see whether you have more regard for your own flesh and
blood； or for a beggarly foundling taken from the dunghill。'
Mr Bramble's eyes began to glisten； and his teeth to chatter。 'If
stated fairly （said he； raising his voice） the question is；
whether I have spirit to shake off an intolerable yoke； by one
effort of resolution； or meanness enough to do an act of cruelty
and injustice； to gratify the rancour of a capricious woman
Heark ye； Mrs Tabitha Bramble； I will now prop