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he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me
sleep。 The anxiety seemed
to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head。
Edward was waiting for me at school； as usual； but his face was still wrong。
There was something buried
in his eyes that I couldn't be sure of—and it scared me。 I didn't want to
bring up last night； but I wasn't
sure if avoiding the subject would be worse。
He opened my door for me。
〃How do you feel？〃
〃Perfect；〃 I lied； cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my
head。
We walked in silence； he shortening his stride to match mine。 There were so
many questions I wanted to
ask； but most of those questions would have to wait； because chey were for
Alice： How was Jasper this
morning？ What had they said when I was gone？ What had Rosalie said？ And most
importantly； what
could she see happening now in her strange； imperfect visions of the future？
Could she guess what
Edward was thinking； why he was so gloomy？ Was there a foundation for the
tenuous； instinctive fears
that I couldn't seem to shake？
The morning passed slowly。 I was impatient to see Alice； though I wouldn't be
able to really talk to her
with Edward there。 Edward remained aloof。 Occasionally he would ask about my
arm； and I would lie。
Alice usually beat us to lunch； she didn't have to keep pace with a sloth like
me。 But she wasn't at the
table； waiting with a tray of food she wouldn't eat。
Edward didn't say anything about her absence。 I wondered to myself if her
class was running late—until I
saw Conner and Ben； who were in her fourth hour French class。
〃Where's Alice？〃 I asked Edward anxiously。
He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips
while he answered。 〃She's
with Jasper。〃
〃Is he okay？〃
〃He's gone away for a while。〃
〃What？ Where？〃
Edward shrugged。 〃Nowhere in particular。〃
〃And Alice； too；〃 I said with quiet desperation。 Of course； if Jasper needed
her； she would go。
〃Yes。 She'll be gone for a while。 She was trying to convince him to go to
Denali。〃
Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires—good ones like the
Cullens—lived。 Tanya and
her family。 I'd heard of them now and again。 Edward had run to them last
winter when my arrival had
made Forks difficult for him。 Laurent； the most civilized member of James's
little coven； had gone there
rather than siding with James against the Cullens。 It made sense for Alice to
encourage Jasper to go
there。
I swallowed； trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat。 The guilt made
my head bow and my
shoulders slump。 I'd run them out of their home； just like Rosalie and Emmett。
I was a plague。
〃Is your arm bothering you？〃 he asked solicitously。
〃Who cares about my stupid arm？〃 I muttered in disgust。
He didn't answer； and I put my head down on the table。
By the end of the day； the silence was being ridiculous。 I didn't want to
be the one to break it； but
apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again。
〃You'll e over later tonight？〃 I asked as he walked me—silently—to my
truck。 He always came over。
〃Later？〃
It pleased me that he seemed surprised。 〃I have to work。 I had to trade with
Mrs。 Newton to get
yesterday off。〃
〃Oh；〃 he murmured。
〃So you'll e over when I'm home； though； right？〃 I hated that I felt
suddenly unsure about this。
〃If you want me to。〃
〃I always want you；〃 I reminded him； with perhaps a little more intensity than
the conversation required。
I expected he would laugh； or smile； or react somehow to my words。
〃All right； then；〃 he said indifferently。
He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me。 Then he turned his
back and loped
gracefully toward his car。
I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit； but I
was hyperventilating by the time
I got to Newton's。
He just needed time； I told myself。 He would get over this。 Maybe he was sad
because his family was
disappearing。 But Alice and Jasper would e back soon； and Rosalie and
Emmett； too。 If it would
help； I would stay away from the big white house on the river—I'd never set
foot there again。 That didn't
matter。 I'd still see Alice at school。 She would have to e back for school；
right？ And she was at my
place all the time anyway。 She wouldn't want to hurt Charlie's feelings by
staying away。
No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity—in the emergency
room。
After all； what had happened last night was nothing。 Nothing had happened。 So
I fell down—that was
the story of my life。 pared to last spring； it seemed especially
unimportant。 James had left me broken
and nearly dead from loss of blood—and yet Edward had handled the
interminable weeks in the hospital
much better than this。 Was it because； this time； it wasn't an enemy he'd had
to protect me from？
Because it was his brother？
Maybe it would be better if he took me away； rather than his family being
scattered。 I grew slightly less
depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time。 If he could just
last through the school year；
Charlie wouldn't be able to object。 We could go away to college； or pretend
that's what we were doing；
like Rosalie and Emmett this year。 Surely Edward could wait a year。 What was a
year to an immortal？ It
didn't even seem like that much to me。
I was able to talk myself into enough posure to handle getting out of the
truck and walking to the
store。 Mike Newton had beaten me here today； and he smiled and waved when I
came in。 I grabbed my
vest； nodding vaguely in his direction。 I was still imagining pleasant
scenarios that consisted of me running
away with Edward to various exotic locales。
Mike interrupted my fantasy。 〃How was your birthday？〃
〃Ugh；〃 I mumbled。 〃I'm glad it's over。〃
Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy。
Work dragged。 I wanted to see Edward again； praying that he would be past the
worst of this； whatever
it was exactly； by the time I saw him again。 It's nothing； I told myself over
and over again。 Everything will
go back to normal。
The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Edward's silver car
parked in front of my house
was an overwhelming； heady thing。 And it bothered me deeply that it should be
that way。
I hurried through the front door； calling out before I was pletely inside。
〃Dad？ Edward？〃
As I spoke； I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's SportsCenter
ing from the living
room。
〃In here；〃 Charlie called。
I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner。
Edward was in the armchair； my father on the sofa。 Both had their eyes trained
on the TV。 The focus was
normal for my father。 Not so much for Edward。
〃Hi；〃 I said weakly。
〃Hey； Bella；〃 my father answered； eyes never moving。 〃We just had cold pizza。
I think it's still on the
table。〃
〃Okay。〃
I waited in the doorway。 Finally； Edward looked over at me with a polite
smile。 〃I'll be right behind you；〃
he promised。 His eyes strayed back to the TV。
I stared for another minute； shocked。 Neither one seemed to notice。 I could
feel something； panic maybe；
building up in my chest。 I escaped to the kitchen。
The pizza held no interest for me。 I sat in my chair； pulled my knees up； and
wrapped my arms around
them。 Something was very wrong； maybe more wrong than I'd realized。 The sounds
of male bonding and
banter continued from the TV set。
I tried to get control of myself； to reason with myself。
What's the worst that can happen？ I flinched。 That was definitely the wrong
question to ask。 I was
having a hard time breathing right。
Okay； I thought again； what's the worst I can live through？ I didn't like that
question so much； either。
But I thought through the possibilities I'd considered today。
Staying away from Edward's family。 Of course； he wouldn't expect Alice to be
part of that。 But if Jasper
was off limits； that would lessen the time I could have with her。 I nodded to
myself—I could live with
that。
Or going away。 Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the school year；
maybe it would have to
be now。
In front of me； on the table； my presents from Charlie and Renee were where I
had left them； the camera
I hadn't had the chance to use at the Cullens' sitting beside the album。 I
touched the pretty cover of the
scrapbook my mother had given me； and sighed； thinking of Renee。 Somehow；
living without her for as
long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier。 And
Charlie would be left all
alone here； abandoned。 They would both be so hurt
But we'd e back； right？ We'd visit； of course； wouldn't we？
I couldn't be certain about the answer to that。
I leaned my cheek against my knee； staring at the physical tokens of my
parents' love。 I'd known this path
I'd chosen was going to be hard。 And； after all； I was thinking about the
worst…case scenario—the very
worst I could live through。
I touched the scrapbook again； flipping the front cover over。 Little metal
corners were already in place to
hold