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I frowned； and turned for the window。 It wasn't really that far to the ground；
and it was mostly grass
beneath
〃Okay；〃 he sighed。 〃I'll give you a ride。〃
I shrugged。 〃Either way。 But you probably should be there； too。〃
〃And why is that？〃
〃Because you're extraordinarily opinionated； and I'm sure you'll want a chance
to air your views。〃
〃My views on which subject？〃 He asked through his teeth。
〃This isn't just about you anymore。 You're not the center of the universe； you
know。〃 My own personal
universe was； of course； a different story。 〃If you're going to bring the
Volturi down on us over something
as stupid as leaving me human； then your family ought to have a say。〃
〃A say in what？〃 he asked； each word distinct。
〃My mortality。 I'm putting it to a vote。〃
24。 VOTE
HE WAS NOT PLEASED； THAT MUCH WAS EASY TO READ in his face。 But； without
further
argument； he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window； landing
without the slightest jolt；
like a cat。 It was a little bit farther down than I'd imagined。
〃All right then；〃 he said； his voice seething with disapproval。 〃Up you go。〃
He helped me onto his back； and took off running。 Even after all this time； it
felt routine。 Easy。 Evidently
this was something you never forgot； like riding a bicycle。
It was so very quiet and dark as he ran through the forest； his breathing slow
and even—dark enough
that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible； and only the rush of air
in my face truly gave away our
speed。 The air was damp； it didn't burn my eyes the way the wind in the big
plaza had； and that was
forting。 As was the night； too； after that terrifying brightness。 Like the
thick quilt I'd played under as a
child； the dark felt familiar and protecting。
I remembered that running through the forest like this used to frighten me；
that I used to have to close my
eyes。 It seemed a silly reaction to me now。 I kept my eyes wide； my chin
resting on his shoulder； my
cheek against his neck。 The speed was exhilarating。 A hundred times better
than the motorcycle。
I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of
his neck。
〃Thank you；〃 he said； as the vague； black shapes of trees raced past us。 〃Does
that mean you've decided
you're awake？〃
I laughed。 The sound was easy； natural； effortless。 It sounded right。 〃Not
really。 More that； either way；
I'm not trying to wake up。 Not tonight。〃
〃I'll earn your trust back somehow；〃 he murmured； mostly to himself。 〃If it's
my final act。〃
〃I trust you；〃 I assured him。 〃It's me I don't trust。〃
〃Explain that； please。〃
He'd slowed to a walk—I could only tell because the wind ceased—and I
guessed that we weren't far
from the house。 In fact； I thought I could make out the sound of the river
rushing somewhere close by in
the darkness。
〃Well—〃 I struggled to find the right way to phrase it。 〃I don't trust myself
to be enough。 To deserve
you。 There's nothing about me that could hold you。〃
He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back。 His gentle hands did
not release me； after he'd
set me on my feet again； he wrapped his arms tightly around me； hugging me to
his chest。
〃Your hold is permanent and unbreakable；〃 he whispered。 〃Never doubt that。〃
But how could I not？
〃You never did tell me〃 he murmured。
〃What？〃
〃What your greatest problem is。〃
〃I'll give you one guess。〃 I sighed； and reached up to touch the tip of his
nose with my index finger。
He nodded。 〃I'm worse than the Volturi；〃 he said grimly。 〃I guess I've earned
that。〃
I rolled my eyes。 〃The worst the Volturi can do is kill me。〃
He waited with tense eyes。
〃You can leave me；〃 I explained。 〃The Volturi； Victoria they're nothing
pared to that。〃
Even in the darkness； I could see the anguish twist his face—it reminded me
of his expression under
Jane's torturing gaze； I felt sick； and regretted speaking the truth。
〃Don't；〃 I whispered； touching his face。 〃Don't be sad。〃
He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly； but the expression didn't
touch his eyes。 〃If there was
only some way to make you see that I can't leave you；〃 he whispered。 〃Time； I
suppose； will be the way
to convince you。〃
I liked the idea of time。 〃Okay；〃 I agreed。
His face was still tormented。 I tried to distract him with inconsequentials。
〃So—since you're staying。 Can I have my stuff back？〃 I asked； making my tone
as light as I could
manage。
My attempt worked； to an extent： he laughed。 But his eyes retained the misery。
〃Your things were never
gone；〃 he told me。 〃I knew it was wrong； since I promised you peace without
reminders。 It was stupid
and childish； but I wanted to leave something of myself with you。 The CD； the
pictures； the
tickets—they're all under your floorboards。〃
〃Really？〃
He nodded； seeming slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure in this trivial
fact。 It wasn't enough to heal
the pain in his face pletely。
〃I think；〃 I said slowly； 〃I'm not sure； but I wonder I think maybe I knew
it the whole time。〃
〃What did you know？〃
I only wanted to take away the agony in his eyes； but as I spoke the words；
they sounded truer than I
expected they would。
〃Some part of me； my subconscious maybe； never stopped believing that you
still cared whether I lived
or died。 That's probably why I was hearing the voices。〃
There was a very deep silence for a moment。 〃Voices？〃 he asked flatly。
〃Well； just one voice。 Yours。 It's a long story。〃 The wary look on his face
made me wish that I hadn't
brought that up。 Would he think I was crazy； like everyone else？ Was everyone
else right about that？ But
at least that expression—the one that made him look like something was
burning him—faded。
〃I've got time。〃 His voice was unnaturally even。
〃It's pretty pathetic。〃
He waited。
I wasn't sure how to explain。 〃Do you remember what Alice said about extreme
sports？〃
He spoke the words without inflection or emphasis。 〃You jumped off a cliff for
fun。〃
〃Er； right。 And before that； with the motorcycle—〃
〃Motorcycle？〃 he asked。 I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing
behind the calm。
〃I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part。〃
〃No。〃
〃Well； about that See； I found that when I was doing something dangerous
or stupid I could
remember you more clearly；〃 I confessed； feeling pletely mental。 〃I could
remember how your voice
sounded when you were angry。 I could hear it； like you were standing right
there next to me。 Mostly I
tried not to think about you； but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you
were protecting me again。 Like
you didn't want me to be hurt。
〃And； well； I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because；
underneath it all。 I always
knew that you hadn't stopped loving me。〃
Again； as I spoke； the words brought with them a sense of conviction。 Of
rightness。 Some deep place
inside me recognized truth。
His words came out half…strangled。 〃You were risking your life to hear—
〃
〃Shh；〃 I interrupted him。 〃Hold on a second。 I think I'm having an epiphany
here。〃
I thought of that night in Port Angeles when I'd had my first delusion。 I'd
e up with two options。
Insanity or wish fulfillment。 I'd seen no third option。
But what if
What if you sincerely believed something was true； but you were dead wrong？
What if you were so
stubbornly sure that you were right； that you wouldn't even consider the
truth？ Would the truth be
silenced； or would it try to break through？
Option three： Edward loved me。 The bond forged between us was not one that
could be broken by
absence； distance； or time。 And no matter how much more special or beautiful
or brilliant or perfect than
me he might be； he was as irreversibly altered as I was。 As I would always
belong to him； so would he
always be mine。
Was that what I'd been trying to tell myself？
〃Oh！〃
〃Bella？〃
〃Oh。 Okay。 I see。〃
〃Your epiphany？〃 he asked； his voice uneven and strained。
〃You love me；〃 I marveled。 The sense of conviction and Tightness washed
through me again。
Though his eyes were still anxious； the crooked smile I loved best flashed
across his face。 〃Truly； I do。〃
My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs。 It filled
my chest and blocked my throat
so that I could not speak。
He really did want me the way I wanted him—forever。 It was only fear for my
soul； for the human things
he didn't want to take from me； that made him so desperate to leave me mortal。
pared to the fear
that he didn't want me； this hurdle—my soul—seemed almost insignificant。
He took my face tightly between his cool hands and kissed me until I was so
dizzy the forest was
spinning。 Then he leaned his forehead against mine； and I was not the only one
breathing harder than
usual。
〃You were better at it than I was； you know；〃 he told me。
〃Better at what？〃
〃Surviving。 You； at least； made an effort。 You got up in the morning； tried to
be normal for Charlie；
followed the pattern of your life。 When I wasn't actively tracking； I was
totally useless。 I couldn't be
around my family—I couldn't be around anyone。