按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
m giving it； tell God you are sorry you have offended him。' He began to speak in Latin。 I recognized the words 'ego te absolvo in nomine Patris。。。' and saw the priest make the sign of the cross。 Then I knelt； too； and prayed： 'O God；。if there is a God； forgive him his sins； if there is such thing as sin；' and the man on the bed opened his eyes and gave a sigh； the sort of sigh I had imagined people made at the moment of death； but his eyes moved so that we knew there was still life in him。
I suddenly felt the longing for a sign； if only of courtesy； if only for the sake of the woman I loved； who knelt in front of me； praying； I knew； for a sign。 It seemed so small a thing that was asked； the bare acknowledgement of a present； a nod in the crowd。 I prayed more simply； 'God forgive him his sins' and 'Please God； make him accept your forgiveness。'
So small a thing to ask。
The priest took the little silver box from his pocket and spoke again in Latin； touching the dying man with an oil wad； he finished what he had to do； put away the box and gave the final blessing。 Suddenly Lord Marchmain moved his hand to his forehead； I thought he had felt the touch of the chrism and was wiping it away。 'O God；' I prayed； 'don't let him do that。' But there was no need for fear； the hand moved slowly down his breast； then to his shoulder； and Lord Marchmain made the sign of the cross。 Then I knew that the sign I had asked for was not a little thing； not a passing nod of recognition； and a phrase came back to me from my childhood of the veil of the temple being rent from top to bottom。
It was over； we stood up； the nurse went back to the oxygen cylinder； the doctor bent over his patient。 Julia whispered to me： 'Will you see Father Mackay out？ I'm staying here for a little。'
Outside the door Father Mackay became the simple； genial man I had known before。 'Well； now； and that was a beautiful thing to me。 I've known it happen that way again and again。 The devil resists to the last moment and then the Grace of God is too much for him。 You're not a Catholic I think； Mr Ryder； but at least you'll be glad for the ladies to have the fort of it。'
As we were waiting for the chauffeur； it occurred to me that Father Mackay should be paid for his services。 I asked him awkwardly。 'Why； don't think about it； Mr Ryder。 It was a pleasure；' he said； 'but anything you care to give is useful in a parish like mine。'。I found I had three pounds in my note…case and gave them to him。 'Why； indeed； that's more than generous。 God bless you； Mr Ryder。 I'll call again； but I don't think the poor soul has 1ong for this world。'
Julia remained in the Chinese drawing…room until； at five o'clock that evening； her father died proving both； sides right in the dispute； priest and doctor。
Thus I e to the broken sentences which were the last words spoken between Julia and me； the last memories。
When her father died Julia remained some minutes with his body； the nurse came to the next room to announce the news and I had a glimpse of her through the open door； kneeling at the foot of the bed； and of Cara sitting by her。 Presently the two women came out together； and Julia said to me： 'Not now； I'm just taking Cara up to her room； later。'
While she was still upstairs Brideshead and Cordelia arrived from London； when at last we met alone it was by stealth； like young lovers。
Julia said： 'Here in the shadow； in the corner of the stair … a minute to say good…bye。'
'So long to say so little。'
'You knew？'
'Since this morning； since before this morning； all this year。'
'I didn't know till today。 Oh； my dear； if you could only understand。 Then I could bear to part； or bear it better。 I should say my heart was breaking； if I believed in broken hearts。 I can't marry you； Charles； I can't be with you ever again。'
'I know。'
'How can you know？'
'What will you do？'
'Just go on … alone。 How can I tell what I shall do？ You know the whole of me。 You know I'm not one for a life of mourning。 I've always been bad。 Probably I shall be bad again； punished again。 But the worse I am； the more I need God。 I can't shut myself out from his mercy。 That is what it would mean； starting a life with you； without him。 One can only hope to see one step ahead。 But I saw today there was one thing unforgivable … like things in the school…room； so bad they were unpunishable； that only mummy could deal with … the bad thing I was on the point of doing； that I'm not quite bad enough to do； to set up a rival good to God's。 Why should I be allowed to understand that； and not you； Charles？ It may be because of mummy； nanny； Cordelia； Sebastian … perhaps Bridey and Mrs Muspratt … keeping my name in their prayers； or it may be a private bargain between me and God； that if I give up this one thing I want so much； however bad I am； he won't quite despair of me in the end。
'Now we shall both be alone； and I shall have no way of making you understand。'
'I don't want to make it easier for you；' I said； 'I hope your heart may break； but I do understand。'
The avalanche was down； the hillside swept bare behind it； the last echoes died on the white slopes； the new mound glittered and lay still in the silent valley。
EPILOGUE
BRIDESHEAD REVISITED
'THE worst place we've struck yet；' said the manding officer； 'no facilities； no amenities； and Brigade sitting right on top of us。 There's one pub in Flyte St Mary with capacity for about twenty … that； of course； will be out of bounds for officers； there's a Naafi in the camp area。 I hope to run transport once a week to Melstead Carbury。 Marchmain is ten miles away and damn…all when you get there。 It will therefore be the first concern of pany officers to organize recreation for their men。 M。O。； I want you to take a look at the lakes to see if they're fit for bathing。'
'Very good； sir。'
'Brigade expects us to clean up the house for them。 I should have thought some of those half…shaven scrim…shankers I see lounging round Headquarters might have saved us the trouble； however。。。Ryder； you will find a party of fifty and report to the Quartering andant at the house at 1045 hours； he'll show you what we're taking over。'
'Very good； sir。'
'Our predecessors do not seem to have been very enterprising。 The valley has great potentialities for an assault course and a mortar range。 Weapon…training officer； make a recce this morning and get something laid on before Brigade arrives。'
'Very good； sir。'
'I'm going out myself with the adjutant to recce training areas。 Anyone happen to know this district？'
I said nothing。
'That's all then； get cracking。'
'Wonderful old place in its way；' said the Quartering mandant； 'pity to knock it about too much。'
He was an old； retired； re…appointed lieutenant…colonel from some miles away。 We met in the space before the main doors； where I had my half…pany fallen…in； waiting for orders。 'e in。 I'll soon show you over。 It's a great warren of a place； but we've only requisitioned the ground floor and half a dozen bedrooms。 Everything else upstairs is still private property； mostly cram…full of furniture； you never saw such stuff； priceless some of it。
'There's a caretaker and a couple of old servants live at the top … they won't be any trouble to you … and a blitzed R。C。 padre whom Lady Julia gave a home to …jittery old bird； but no trouble。 He's opened the chapel； that's in bounds for the troops； surprising lot use it； too。
'The place belongs to Lady Julia Flyte； as she calls herself now。 She was married to Mottram； the Minister of…whatever…it…is。 She's abroad in some woman's service； and I try to keep an eye on things for her。 Queer thing the old marquis leaving everything to her … rough on the boys。
'Now this is where the last lot put the clerks； plenty of room； anyway。 I've had the walls and fireplaces boarded up you see valuable old work underneath。 Hullo； someone seems to have been making a beast of himself here； destructive beggars； soldiers are！ Lucky we spotted it； or it would have been charged to you chaps。
'This is another good…sized room； used to be full of tapestry。 I'd advise you to use this for conferences。'
'I'm only here to clean up； sir。 Someone from Brigade will allot the rooms。'
'Oh； well； you've got an easy job。 Very decent fellows the last lot。 They shouldn't have done that to the fireplace though。 How did they manage it？ Looks solid enough。 I wonder if it can be mended？
'I expect the brigadier will take this for his office； the last did。 It's got a lot of painting that can't be moved； done on the walls。 As you see； I've covered it up as best I can； but soldiers get through anything … as the brigadier's done in the corner。 There was another painted room； outside under pillars … modern work but； if you ask me； the prettiest in the place； it was the signal office and they made absolute hay of it； rather a shame。
'This eyesore is what they used as the mess； that's why I didn't cover it up； not that it would matter much if it did get damaged； always reminds me of one of the costlier knocking…shops； you know … 〃 Maison Japonaise〃。。。and this was the ante…room。。。'