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the darkness； ing to in acrid wisps of smoke that oozed under hatches and billowed suddenly from the scuttles and air pipes … with Brideshead； I was in a strange world； a dead world to me； in a moon…landscape of barren lava； a high place of toiling lungs。
He said： 'I hope it is dipsomania。 That is simply a great misfortune that we must all help him bear。 What I used to fear was that he just got drunk deliberately when he liked and because he liked。'
'That's exactly what he did … what we both did。 It's what he does with me now。 I can keep him to that； if only your mother would trust me。 If you worry him with keepers and cures he'll be a physical wreck in a few years。'
'There's nothing wrong in being a physical wreck； you know。 There's no moral obligation to be Postmaster…General or Master of Foxhounds or to live to walk ten miles at eighty。'
'Wrong；' I said。 'Moral obligation … now you're back on religion again。
'I never left it； said Brideshead。
'D'you know； Bridey； if I ever felt for a moment like being a Catholic； I should only have to talk to you for five minutes to be cured。 You manage to reduce what seem quite sensible propositions to stark nonsense。'
'It's odd you should say that。 I've heard it before from other people。 It's one of the many reasons why I don't think I should make a good priest。 It's something in the way my mind works； I suppose。'
At luncheon Julia had no thoughts except for her guest who was ing that day。 She drove to the station to meet him and brought him home to tea。
'Mummy； do look at Rex's Christmas present。'
It was a small tortoise with Julia's initials set in diamonds in the living shell； and this slightly obscene object； now slipping impotently on the polished boards； now striding across the card…table； now lumbering over a rug； now withdrawn at a touch； now stretching its neck and swaying its withered； antediluvian head； became a memorable part of the evening； one of those needle…hooks of experience which catch the attention when larger matters are at stake。
'Dear me；' said Lady Marchmain。 'I wonder if it eats the same sort of things as an ordinary tortoise。'
'What will you do when it's dead？' asked Mr Samgrass。 'Can you have another tortoise fitted into the shell？'
Rex had been told about the problem of Sebastian … he could scarcely have endured in that atmosphere without … and had a solution pat。 He propounded it cheerfully and openly at tea； and after a day of whispering it was a relief to hear the thing discussed。 'Send him to Borethus at Zurich。 Borethus is the man。 He works miracles every day at that sanatorium of his。 You know how Charlie Kilcartney used to drink。'
'No；' said Lady Marchmain； with that sweet irony of hers。 'No； I'm afraid I don't know how Charlie Kilcartney drank。'
Julia； hearing her lover mocked； frowned at the tortoise； but Rex Mottram was impervious to such delicate mischief。
'Two wives despaired of him；' he said。 'When he got engaged to Sylvia； she made it a condition that he should take the cure at Zurich。 And it worked。 He came back in three months a different man。 And he hasn't touched a drop since； even though Sylvia walked out on him。'
'Why did she do that？'
'Well； poor Charlie got rather a bore when he stopped drinking。 But that's not really the point of the story。'
'No； I suppose not。 In fact； I suppose； really； it's meant to be an encouraging story。'
Julia scowled at her jewelled tortoise。
'He takes sex cases； too； you know。'
'Oh dear； what very peculiar friends poor Sebastian will make in Zurich。'
'He's booked up for months ahead； but I think he'd find room if I asked him。 I could telephone him from here tonight。'
（In his kindest moments Rex displayed a kind of hectoring zeal as if he were thrusting a vacuum cleaner on an unwilling housewife。）
'We'll think about it。'
And we were thinking about it when Cordelia returnd from hunting。
'Oh； Julia； what's that？ How beastly。'
'It's Rex's Christmas present。'
'Oh； sorry。 I'm always putting my foot in it。 But how cruel！ It must have hurt frightfully。'
'They can't feel。'
'How d'you know？ Bet they can。'
She kissed her mother； whom she had not seen that day； shook hands with Rex； and rang for eggs。
'I had one tea at Mrs Bamey's； where I telephoned for the car； but I'm still hungry。 It was a spiffing day。 Jean Strickland…Venables fell in the mud。 We ran from Bengers to Upper Eastrey without a check。 I reckon that's five miles； don't you； Bridey？'
'Three。'
'Not as he ran。。。' Between mouthfuls of scrambled egg she told us about the hunt。 '。。。You should have seen Jean when she came out of the mud。'
'Where's Sebastian？'
'He's in disgrace。' The words； in that clear； child's voice had the ring of a bell tolling； but she went on： 'ing out in that beastly rat…catcher coat and mean little tie like something from Captain Morvin's Riding Academy。 I just didn't recognize him at the meet； and I hope nobody else did。 Isn't he back？ I expect he got lost。'
When Wilcox came to clear the tea； Lady Marchmain asked： 'No sign of Lord Sebastian？'
'No； my Lady。'
'He must have stopped for tea with someone。 How very unlike him。'
Half an hour later； when Wilcox brought in the cocktail tray； he said： 'Lord Sebastian has just rung up to be fetched from South Twining。'
'South Twining？ Who lives there？'
'He was speaking from the hotel； my Lady。'
'South Twining。？' said Cordelia。 'Goodness； he did get lost！'
When he arrived he was flushed and his eyes were feverishly bright； I saw that he was two…thirds drunk。
'Dear boy；' said Lady Marchmain。 'How nice to see you looking so well again。 Your day in the open has done you good。 The drinks are on the table； do help yourself'
There was nothing unusual in her speech but the fact of her saying it。 Six months ago it would not have been said。
'Thanks； ' said Sebastian。 'I will。'
A blow； expected； repeated； falling on a bruise； with no smart or shock of surprise； only a dull and sickening pain and the doubt whether another like it could be borne … that was how it felt； sitting opposite Sebastian at dinner that night； seeing his clouded eye and groping movements； hearing his thickened voice breaking in； ineptly； after long brutish silences。 When at length Lady Marchmain and Julia and the servants left us； Brideshead said： 'You'd best go to bed； Sebastian。'
'Have some port first。'
'Yes； have some port if you want it。 But don't e into the drawing…room。'
'Too bloody drunk；' said Sebastian nodding heavily。 'Like olden times。 Gentlemen always too drunk join ladies in olden times。'
（'And；yet； you know； it wasn't；' said Mr Samgrass； trying to be chatty with me about it afterwards； 'it wasn't at all like olden times。 I wonder where the difference lies。 The lack of good humour？ The lack of panionship？ You know I think he must have been drinking by himself today。 Where did he get the money？'）
Sebastian's gone up；' said Brideshead when we reached the drawing…room。
'Yes？ Shall I read？'
Julia and Rex played bezique； the tortoise； teased by the pekinese； withdrew into his shell； Lady Marchmain read The Diaiy of a Nobody aloud until； quite early； she said it was time for bed。
'Can't I stay up and play a little longer； mummy ？ Just three games？'
'Very well； darling。 e in and see me before you go to bed。 I shan't be asleep。'
It was plain to Mr Samgrass and me that Julia and Rex wanted to be left alone； so we went； too； it was not plain to； Brideshead； who settled down to read The Times； which he had not yet seen that day。 Then； going to our side of the house； Mr Samgrass said： 'It wasn't at all like olden times。'
Next morning I said to Sebastian： 'Tell me honestly； do you want me to stay on here？'
'No； Charles； I don't believe I do。'
'I'm no help？'
'No help。'
So I went to make my excuses to his mother。
'There's something I must ask you； Charles。 Did you give Sebastian money yesterday？'
'Yes。'
'Knowing how he was likely to spend it？'
'Yes。'
'I don't understand it；' she said。 'I simply don't understand how anyone can be so callously wicked。'
She paused； but I do not think she expected any answer； there was nothing I could say unless I were to start all over again on that familiar； endless argument。
'I'm not going to reproach you；' she said。 'God knows it's not for me to reproach anyone。 Any failure in my children is my failure。 But I don't understand it。 I don't understand how you can have been so nice in so many ways； and then do something so wantonly cruel。 I don't understand how we all liked you so much。 Did you hate us all the time？ I don't understand how we deserved it。'
I was unmoved； there was no part of me remotely touched by her distress。 It was as I had often imagined being expelled from school。 I almost expected to hear her say： 'I have already written to inform your unhappy father。' But as I drove away and turned back in the car to take what promised to be my last view of the house； I felt that I was leaving part of myself behind； and that wherever I went afterwards I should fe