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Love of truth is the first thing that goes。
'After that happy luncheon together。 When you left he was so sweet to me； just as he used to be as a little boy； and I agreed to all he wanted。 You know I had been doubtful about his sharing rooms with you。 I know you'll understand me； when I say that。 You know that we are all fond of you apart from your being Sebastian's friend。 We should miss you so much if you ever stopped ing to stay with us。 But I want Sebastian to have all sorts of friends； not just one。 Mgr Bell tells me he never mixes with the other Catholics； never goes to the Newman； very rarely goes to mass even。 Heaven forbid that he should only know Catholics； but he must know some。 It needs a very strong faith to stand entirely alone and Sebastian's isn't strong。
'But I was so happy at luncheon on Tuesday that I gave up all my objections； I went round with him and saw the rooms you had chosen。 They are charming。 And we decided on some furniture you could have from London to make them nicer。 And then； on the very night after I had seen him！ … No Charles； it is not in the Logic of the Thing。'
As she said it I thought； 'That's a phrase she's picked up from one of her intellectual hangers…on。'
'Well；' I said； 'have you a remedy？'
'The college are being extraordinarily kind。 They say they will not send him down provided he goes to live with Mgr Bell。 It's not a thing I could have suggested myself； but it was the Monsignor's own idea。 He specially sent a message to you to say how wele you would always be。 There's not room for you actually in the Old Palace； but I daresay you wouldn't want that yourself'
'Lady Marchmain； if you want to make him a drunkard that's the way to do it。 Don't you see that any idea of his being watched would be fatal？'
'Oh； dear； it's no good trying to explain。 Protestants always think Catholic priests are spies。'
'I don't mean that。' I tried to explain but made a poor business of it。 'He must feel free。'
'But he's been free； always； up till now； and look at the result。' We had reached the ferry； we had reached a deadlock。 With scarcely another word I saw her to the convent； then took the bus back to Carfax。
Sebastian was in my rooms waiting for me。 'I'm going to cable to papa；' he said。 'He won't let them force me into this priest's house。'
'But if they make it a condition of your ing up？'
'I shan't e up。 Can you imagine me … serving mass twice a week； helping at tea parties for shy Catholic freshmen； dining with the visiting lecturer at the Newman； drinking a glass of port when we have guests； with Mgr Bell's eye on me to see I don't get too much； being explained； when I was out of the room； as the rather embarrassing local inebriate who's being taken in because his mother is so charming？'
'I told her it wouldn't do；' I said。
'Shall we get really drunk tonight？'
'It's the one time it could do no conceivable harm；' I said。
'Contra mundum？'
'Contra mundum。'
'Bless you； Charles。 There aren't many evenings left to us。'
And that night； the first time for many weeks； we got deliriously drunk together； I saw him to the gate as all the bells were striking midnight； and reeled back to my rooms under a starry heaven which swam dizzily among the towers； and fell asleep in my clothes as I had not done for a year。
Next day Lady Marchmain left Oxford； taking Sebastian with her。 Brideshead and I went to his rooms to sort out what he would have sent on and what leave behind。
Brideshead was as grave and impersonal as ever。 'It's a pity Sebastian doesn't know Mgr Bell better；' he said。 'He'd find him a charming man to live with。 I was there my last year。 My mother believes Sebastian is a confirmed drunkard。 Is he？'
'He's in danger of being one。'
'I believe God prefers drunkards to a lot of respectable people。'
'For God's sake。' I said； for I was near to tears that morning； why bring God into everything？'
'I'm sorry。 I forgot。 But you know that's an extremely funny question。'
'Is it？'
'To me。 Not to you。'
'No； not to me。 It seems to me that without your religion Sebastian would have the chance to be a happy and healthy man。
'It's arguable；' said Brideshead。 'Do you think he will need this elephant's foot again？'
That evening I went across the quad to visit Collins。 He was alone with his texts； working by the failing light at his open window。 'Hullo；' he said。 'e in。 I haven't seen you all the term。 I'm afraid I've nothing to offer you。 Why have you deserted the smart set？'
'I'm the loneliest man in Oxford；' I said。 'Sebastian Flyte's been sent down。'
Presently I asked him what he was doing in the long vacation。 He told me； it sounded excruciatingly dull。 Then I asked him if he had got digs for next term。 Yes； he told me； rather far out but very fortable。 He was sharing with Tyngate； the secretary of the college Essay Society。
。'There's one room we haven't filled yet。 Barker was ing； but he feels； now he's standing for president of the Union； he ought to be nearer in。'
It was in both our minds that perhaps I might take that room。
'Where are you going。？'
'I was going to Merton Street with Sebastian Flyte。 That's no use now。'
Still neither of us made the suggestion and the moment passed。 When I left he said： 'I hope you find someone for Merton Street；' and I said； 'I hope you find someone for the Iffley Road；' and I never spoke to him again。
There was only ten days of term to go； I got through them somehow and returned to London as I had done in such different circumstances the year before； with no plans made。
'That very good…looking friend of yours；' asked my father。 'Is he not with you？'
'No。'
'I quite thought he had taken this over as his home。 I'm sorry； I liked him。'
'Father； do you particularly want me to take my degree？'
'I want you to？ Good gracious； why should I want such a thing？ No use to me。 Not much use to you either； as far as I've seen。'
'That's exactly what I've been thinking。 I thought perhaps it was rather a waste of time going back to Oxford。'
Until then my father had taken only a limited interest in what I was saying： now he put down his book； took off his spectacles； and looked at me hard。 'You've been sent down；' he said。 'My brother warned me of this。'
'No； I've not。'
'Well； then； what's all the talk about？ he asked testily； resuming his spectacles； searching for his place on the page。 'Everyone stays up at least three years。 I knew one man who took seven to get a pass degree in theology。'
'I only thought that if I was not going to take up one of the professions where a degree is necessary； it might be best to start now on what I intend doing。 I intend to be a painter。'
But to this my father made no answer at the time。
The idea； however； seemed to take root in his mind； by the time we spoke of the matter again it was firmly established。
'When you're a painter；' he said at Sunday luncheon； 'You'll need a studio。'
'Yes。'
'Well； there isn't a studio here。 There isn't even a room you could use decently as a studio。 I'm not going to have you painting in the gallery。'
'No。 I never meant to。'
'Nor will I have undraped models all over the house； nor critics with their horrible jargon。 And I don't like the smell of turpentine。 I presume you intend to do the thing thoroughly and use oil paint？' My father belonged to a generation which divided painters into the serious and the amateur； according as they used oil or water。
'I don't suppose I should do much painting the first year。 Anyway； I should be working at a school。'
'Abroad？' asked my father hopefully。 'There are some excellent schools abroad； I believe。'
It was all happening rather faster than I intended。
'Abroad or here。 I should have to look round first。'
'Look round abroad；' he said。
'Then you agree to my leaving Oxford？'
'Agree？ Agree？ My dear boy； you're twenty…two。'
'Twenty；' I said； 'twenty…one in October。'
'Is that all？ It seems much longer。'
A letter from Lady Marchmain pletes this episode。
'My dear Charles；' she wrote； 'Sebastian left me this morning to join his father abroad。 Before he went I asked him if he had written to you。 He said no； so I must write； tho' I can hardly hope to say in a letter what I could not say on our last walk。 But you must not be left in silence。
'The college has sent Sebastian down for a term only； and will take him back after Christmas on condition he goes to live with Mgr Bell。 It is for him to decide。 Meanwhile Mr Samgrass has very kindly consented to take charge of him。 As soon as his visit to his father is over Mr Samgrass will pick him up and the will go together to the Levant； where Mr Samgrass has long been anxious to investigate a number of orthodox monasteries。 He hopes this may be a new interest for Sebastian。
'Sebastian's stay here has not been happy。
'When they e home at Christmas I know Sebastian will want to see you； and so shall we all。 I hope your arrangements for next term have not been too much upset and that everything will go well with you。
Yours sincerely；