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Suddenly the child began to giggle。 '〃Marquis's Son Unused to Wine〃；' she quoted。 〃'Model Student's Career Threatened〃。'
'Charles； is this true？' asked Lady Marchmain。
'Yes。'
Then dinner was announced； and we went to the dining…room where the subject was not mentioned。
When； Brideshead and I were left alone he said： 'Did you say Sebastian was drunk？'
'Yes。'
'Extraordinary time to choose。 Couldn't you stop him？'
'No。'
'No；' said Brideshead； 'I don't suppose you could。 I once saw my father drunk； in this room。 I wasn't more than about ten at the time。 You can't stop people if they want to get drunk。 My mother couldn't stop my father； you know。'
He spoke in his odd； impersonal way。 The more I saw of this family； I reflected； the more singular I found them。 'I shall ask my mother to read to us tonight。'
It was the custom； I learned later； always to ask Lady Marchmain to read aloud on evenings of family tension。 She had a beautiful voice and great humour of expression。 That night she read part of The Wisdom of Father Brown。 Julia sat with a stool covered with manicure things and carefully revarnished her nails； Cordelia nursed Julia's Pekinese； Brideshead played patience； I sat unoccupied studying the pretty group they made； and mourning my friend upstairs。
But the horrors of that evening were not yet over。
It was sometimes Lady Marchmain's practice； when the family were alone； to visit the chapel before going to bed。 She had just closed her book and proposed going there when the door opened and Sebastian appeared。 He was dressed as I had last seen him； but now instead of being flushed he was deathly pale。
'e to apologize；' he said。
'Sebastian； dear； do go back to your room；' said Lady Marchmain。 'We can talk about it in the morning。'
'Not to you。 e to apologize to Charles。 I was bloody to him and he's my guest。 He's my guest and my only friend and I was bloody to him。'
A chill spread over us。 I led him back to his room； his family went to their prayers。 I noticed when we got upstairs that the decanter was now empty。 'It's time you were in bed；' I said。
Sebastian began to weep。 'Why do you take their side against me？ I knew you would if I let you meet them。 Why do you spy on me？'
He said more than 1 can bear to remember； even at twenty years' distance。 At last I got him to sleep and very sadly went to bed myself。
Next morning； he came to my room very early； while the house still slept； he drew the curtains and the sound of it woke me； to find him there fully dressed； smoking； with his back to me； looking out of the windows to where the long dawn…shadows lay across the dew and the first birds were chattering in the budding tree…tops。 When I spoke he turned a face which showed no ravages of the evening before； but was fresh and sullen as a disappointed child's。
。'Well；' I said。 'How do you feel？'
'Rather odd。 I think perhaps I'm still a little drunk。 I've just been down to the stables trying to get a car but everything was locked。 We're off。'
He drank from the water…bottle by my pillow； threw his cigarette from the window； and lit another with hands which trembled like an old man's。
'Where are you going？'
'I don't know。 London； I suppose。 Can I e and stay with you？'
'Of course。'
'Well； get dressed。 They can send our luggage on by train。'
'We can't just go like this。'
'We can't stay。'
He sat on the window seat looking away from me； out of the window。 Presently he said： 'There's smoke ing from some of the chimneys。 They must have opened the stables now。 e on。'
I can't go；' I said。 'I must say good…bye to your mother。'
'Sweet bulldog。'
'Well； I don't happen to like running away。'
'And I couldn't care less。 And I shall go on running away； as far and as fast as I can。 You can hatch up any plot you like with my mother； I shan't e back。'
'That's how you talked last night。'
'I know。 I'm sorry； Charles。 I told you I was still drunk。 If it's any fort to you； I absolutely detest myself。'
'It's no fort at all。'
'It must be a little； I should have thought。 Well； if you won't e； give my love to nanny。'
'You're really going？'
'Of course。'
'Shall I see you in London？'
'Yes； I'm ing to stay with you。'
He left me but I did not sleep again； nearly two hours later a footman came with tea and bread and butter and set my clothes out for a new day。
Later that morning I sought Lady Marchmain； the wind had freshened and we stayed indoors； I sat near her before the fire in her room； while she bent over her needlework and the budding creeper rattled on the window panes。
'I wish I had not seen him； she said。 'That was cruel。 I do not mind the idea of his being drunk。 It is a thing all men do when they are young。 I am used to the idea of it。 My brothers were wild at。 his age。 What hurt last night was that there was nothing happy about him。'
'I know；' I said。 'I've never seen him like that before。'
And last night of all nights。。。when everyone had gone and there were only ourselves here … you see； Charles； I look on you very much as one of ourselves。 Sebastian loves you … when there was no need for him to make an effort to be gay。 And he wasn't gay。 I slept very little last night； and all the time I kept ing back to that one thing； he was so unhappy。'
It was impossible for me to explain to her what I only half understood myself； even then I felt； 'She will learn it soon enough。 Perhaps she knows it now。'
'It was horrible；' I said。 'But please don't think that's his usual way。'
'Mr Samgrass told me he was drinking too much all last term。'
'Yes； but not like that … never before。'
'Then why now？ here？ with us？ All night I have been thinking and praying and wondering what I was to say to him； and now； this morning； he isn't here at all。 That was cruel of him； leaving without a word。 I don't want him to be ashamed … it's being ashamed that makes it all so wrong of him。'
'He's ashamed of being unhappy；' I said。
'Mr Samgrass says he is noisy and high…spirited。 I believe；' she said； with a faint light of humour streaking the clouds； 'I believe you and he tease Mr Samgrass rather。 It's naughty of you。 I'm very fond of Mr Samgrass； and you should be too； after all he's done for you。 But I think perhaps if I were your age and a man I might be just a little inclined to tease Mr Samgrass myself。 No； I don't mind that； but last night and this morning are something quite different。 You see； it's all happened before。'
'I can only say I've seen him drunk often and I've been drunk with him often； but last night was quite new to me。'
'Oh； I don't mean with Sebastian。 I mean years ago。 I've been through it all before with someone else whom I loved。 Well； you must know what I mean … with his father。 He used to be drunk in just that way。 Someone told me he is not like that now。 I pray God it's true and thank God for it with all my heart； if it is。 But the running away … he ran away； too； you know。 It was as you said just now； he was ashamed of being unhappy。 Both of them unhappy； ashamed； and running away。 It's too pitiful。 The men I grew up with' … and her great eyes moved from the embroidery to the three miniatures in the folding leathecase on the chimney…piece … 'were not like that。 I simply don't understand it。 Do you； Charles？'
'Only very little。'
'And yet Sebastian is fonder of you than of any of us； you know。 You've got to help him。 I can't。'
I have here pressed into a few sentences what； there； required many。 Lady Marchmain was not diffuse； but she took hold of her subject in a feminine； flirtatious way； circling； approaching； retreating； feinting； she hovered over it like a butterfly； she played 'grandmother's steps' with it； getting nearer the real point imperceptibly while one's back was turned； standing rooted when she was observed。 The unhappiness； the running away … these made up her sorrow； and in her own way she exposed the whole of it； before she was done。 It was an hour before she had said all she meant to say。 Then； as I rose to leave her； she added as though in an afterthought： 'I wonder have you seen my brothers' book？ It has just e out。'
I told her I had looked through it in Sebastian's room。
'I should like you to have a copy。 May I give you one？ They were three splendid men； Ned was the best of them。 He was the last to be killed； and when the telegram came； as I knew it would e； I thought： 〃Now it's my son's turn to do what Ned can never do now。〃 I was alone then。 He was just going to Eton。 If you read Ned's book you'll understand。'
She had a copy lying ready on her bureau。 I thought at the time； 'She planned this parting before ever I came in。 Had she rehearsed all the interview？ If things had gone differently would she have put the book back in the drawer？'
She wrote her name and mine on the fly leaf； the date and place。
'I prayed for you； too； in the night；' she said。
I closed the door behind me； shutting out the bondieuserie； the low ceiling； the chintz； the lambskin bindings； the views of Florence； the bowls of hyacinth and potpourri； the petit…poin