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Sleep innocently。'
But I slept ill。 Within an hour of tumbling drowsily to bed I was awake again； thirsty； restless； hot and cold by turns； and unnaturally excited。 I had drunk a lot； but neither the mixture nor the Chartreuse； nor the Mavrodaphne Trifle nor even the fact that I had sat immobile and almost silent throughout the evening instead of clearing the fumes； as we normally did； in puppyish romps and tumbles； explains the distress of that hagridden night。 No dream distorted the images of the evening into horrific shapes。 I lay awake and clear…headed。 I repeated to myself Anthony's words； catching his accent； soundlessly； and the stress and cadence of his speech； while under my closed lids I saw his pale； candle…lit face as it had fronted me across the dinner table。 Once during the hours of darkness I brought to light the drawings in my sitting…room and sat at the open window； turning them over。 Everything was black and dead…still in the quadrangle； only at the quarter…hours the bells awoke and sang over the gables。 I drank soda…Water and smoked and fretted； until light began to break and the rustle of a rising breeze turned me back to my bed。
When I awoke Lunt was at the open door。 'I let you lie；' he said。 'I didn't think you'd be going to the Corporate munion。'
'You were quite right'
'Most of the freshmen went and quite a few second and third year men。 It's all on account of the new chaplain。 There was never Corporate munion before just Holy munion for those that wanted it and Chapel and Evening Chapel。'
It was the last Sunday of term； the last of the year。 As I went to my bath； the quad filled with gowned and surpliced undergraduates drifting from chapel to hall。 As I came back they standing in groups； smoking； Jasper had bicycled in from his digs to be among them。
I walked down the empty Broad to breakfast as I often did on Sundays at a tea…shop opposite Balliol。 The air was full of bells from the surrounding spires and the sun； casting long shadows across the open spaces； dispelled the fears of night。 The tea…shop was hushed as a library； a few solitary men in bedroom slippers from Balliol and Trinity looked up as I entered； then turned back to their Sunday newspapers。 I ate my scrambled eggs and bitter marmalade with the zest which in youth follows a restless night。 I lit a cigarette and sat on； while one by one the Balliol and Trinity men paid their bills and shuffled away； slip…slop； across the street to their colleges。 It was nearly eleven when I left； and during my walk I heard the change…ringing cease and； all over the town； give place to the single chime which warned the city that service was about to start。
None but churchgoers seemed abroad that morning； undergraduates and graduates and wives and tradespeople； walking with that unmistakable English church…going pace which eschewed equally both haste and idle sauntering； holding； bound in black lamb…skin and white celluloid； the liturgics of half a dozen conflicting sects； on their way to St Barnabas； St Columba； St Aloysius； St Mary's； Pusey House； Blackfriars； and heaven knows where besides； to restored Norman and revived Gothic； to travesties of；Venice and Athens； all in the summer sunshine going to the temples of their race。 Four proud infidels alone proclaimed their dissent； four Indians from the gates of Balliol； in freshly…laundered white flannels and neatly pressed blazers with snow…white turbans on their； heads； and in their plump； brown hands bright cushions； a picnic basket and the Plays Unpleasant of Bernard Shaw； making for the river。
In the Cornmarket a party of tourists stood on the steps of the Clarendon Hotel discussing a road map with their chauffeur； while opposite； through the venerable arch of the Golden Cross； I greeted a group of undergraduates from my college who had breakfasted there and now lingered with their pipes in the creeper…hung courtyard。 A troop of boy scouts； church…bound； too； bright with Coloured ribbons and badges； loped past in unmilitary array； and at Carfax I met the Mayor and corporation； in scarlet gowns and gold chains； preceded by wand…bearers and followed by no curious glances； in procession to the preaching at the City Church。 In St Aldates I passed a crocodile of choir boys； in starched collars and peculiar caps； on their way to Tom Gate and the Cathedral。 So through a world of piety I made my way to Sebastian。
He was out。 I read the letters； none of them very revealing； that littered his writing table and scrutinized the invitation cards on his chimney…piece … there were no new additions。 Then I read Lady into Fox until he returned。
'I've been to at the Old Palace；' he said。 'I haven't been all this term； and Monsignor Bell asked me to dinner twice last week； and I know what that means。 Mummy's been writing to him。 So I sat bang in front where he couldn't help seeing me and absolutely shouted the Hail Marys at the end so that's over。 How was dinner with Antoine？ What did you talk about？ '
'Well； he did most of the talking。 Tell me； did you know him at Eton？'
'He was sacked my first half。 I remember seeing him about。 He always has been a noticeable figure。'
'Did he go to church with you？'
'I don't think so； why？'
'Has he met any of your family？'
'Charles； how very peculiar you're being today。 No。 I don't suppose so。
'Not your mother at Venice？'
'I believe she did say something about it。 I forget what。 I think she was staying with some Italian cousins of ours； the Foglieres； and Anthony turned up with his family at the hotel； and there was some party the Foglieres gave that they weren't asked to。 I know Mummy said something about it when I told her he was a friend of mine。 I can't think why he should want to go to a party at the Foglieres … the princess is so proud of her English blood that she talks of nothing else。 Anyway； no one objected to Antoine … much； I gather。 It was his mother they thought difficult。'
'And who is the Duchesse of Vincennes？'
'Poppy？'
'Stefanie。'
'You must ask Antoine that。 He claims to have had an affair with her。'
'Did he？'
'I dare say。 I think it's more or less pulsory at Cannes。 Why all this interest？'
'I just wanted to find out how much truth there was in what Anthony said last night。'
'I shouldn't； think a word。 That's his great charm。'
'You may think it charming。 I think it's devilish。 Do you know he spent the whole of yesterday evening trying to turn me against you； and almost succeeded？'
'Did he？ How silly。 Aloysius wouldn't approve of that at all； would you； you pompous old bear？'
And then Boy Mulcaster came into the room。
＇3＇
I RETURNED home for the Long Vacation without plans and without money。 To cover end…of…term expenses I had sold my Omega screen to Collins for ten pounds； of which I now kept four； my last cheque overdrew my account my a few shillings； and I had been told that； without my father's authority； I must draw no more。 My next allowance was not due until October。 I was thus faced with a bleak prospect and； turning the matter over in my mind； I felt something not far off remorse for the prodigality；of the preceding weeks。
I had started the term with my battels paid and over a hundred pounds in hand。 All that had gone； and not a penny paid out where I could get credit。 There had been no reason for it； no great pleasure unattainable else； it had gone in ducks and drakes。 Sebastian used to tease me … 'You spend money； like a bookie' … but all of it went on and with him。 His own finances were perpetually； vaguely distressed。 'It's all done by lawyers；' he said helplessly； 'and I suppose they embezzle a lot。 Anyway； I never seem to get much。 Of course； mummy would give me anything I asked for。'
'Then why don't you ask her for a proper allowance？'
'Oh； mummy likes everything to be a present。 She's so sweet；' he said； adding one more line to the picture I was forming of her。
Now Sebastian had disappeared into that other life of his where I was not asked to follow； and I was left； instead； forlorn and regretful。
How ungenerously in later life we disclaim the virtuous moods of our youth； living in retrospect long； summer days of unreflecting dissipation。 There is no candour in a story of early manhood which leaves out of account the home…sickness for nursery morality； the regrets and resolutions of amendment； the black hours which； like zero on the roulette table； turn up with roughly calculable regularity。
Thus I spent the first afternoon at home； wandering from room to room； looking from the plate…glass windows in turn on the garden and the street； in a mood of vehement self…reproach。
My father； I knew； was in the house； but his library was inviolable； and it was not until just before dinner that he appeared to greet me。 He was then in his late fifties； but it was his idiosyncrasy to seem much older than his years； to see him one might have put him at seventy； to hear him speak at nearly eighty。 He came to me now； with the shuffling； mandarin…tread which he affected； and a shy smile of wele。 When he dined at home … and he seldom dined elsewhere … he wore a frogged velvet smoking suit of the