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to cast her out； then she could have done things to us； even from such a distance。 We are the only two of her line that ever left her side willingly。 Some were exiled； but none simply left； and she is not a woman that takes rejection well。〃
That was an understatement。 〃She saw Asher through my eyes。 I felt her regret that she'd let him go； that she hadn't seen him the way I did。〃
He turned his head to one side。 〃Then perhaps even a very old dog can learn new tricks。〃
I swallowed； and something about it made me very aware of the taste of blood and other things in my mouth。 I had to get cleaned up。
I went to the sink and watched him in the mirror behind me。 I'd known I was nude； but it wasn't until I saw myself in the mirror that I really noticed it。 I'd managed to wipe most of the blood off my mouth with toilet paper； but it was still clinging to my chest and my neck。 〃I really need a robe of my own；〃 I said。
〃I would offer you mine；〃 he said。
I shook my head； reaching for the toothbrush。 Normally； I would have washed the blood off first； but I wanted that taste out of my mouth more。 〃You naked around me right now is not what I need。〃
〃I will send 。。。 〃 he hesitated； 〃Asher for a robe for you。〃
〃You started to say Jason； didn't you？〃
He looked at me in the mirror。
〃I know he'll heal； but 。。。 I could have really hurt him；〃 I said。
〃But you didn't； and that is what matters。〃
〃Pretty to think so；〃 I said。
He smiled； but not like he was happy。 〃I will send Asher for a robe。〃
〃Great。 Thank you。〃
I squeezed toothpaste onto the brush as he went for the door。 He stopped with his hand on the doorknob。 〃Normally you would owe your pomme de sangs some gift or show of gratitude for serving you。〃
〃I think they've had all the gratitude they're getting from me for one day。〃
He laughed； and the sound rode over my body like a caress of silk。 〃Oh； yes； ma petite； and I think they would agree； but I tell you this for later。 You must reward your pomme de sang for his； or her； services。〃
〃Money wouldn't do it？〃 I asked。
The look on his face said he was truly insulted； outraged； in fact。 〃You have just shared something more intimate than most people will ever know with another being。 They have given us a great gift this day； and they are not whores； Anita。〃 My real name； I was in trouble。 〃They are pommes de sang； think of them as beloved mistresses。〃
I frowned at him。
〃Today the sharing of pleasure was reward enough； but you will need to feed the ardeur every day； and unless it is a feeding worthy of the thirst； more than once a day for a few weeks。〃
〃What are you saying？〃 I asked。
〃I am saying that it would be best if you chose a pomme de sang and kept him near you； for you do not truly know yet what your hunger is like。 It may be a light thing； easily tended； or it may not。〃
〃You're saying I'll need to do this every day？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Fuck。〃
He shook his head。 〃Was today so horrible； ma petite？ Was the pleasure you gained so very small？〃
〃It's not that。 It was glorious； and you know it。 But we'll never be able to duplicate that； not without Belle Morte； and I don't want a return visit from her。〃
〃Nor do I。 But there are many things that can be done to feed； and when you have some control I will teach you to feed from a distance。〃
〃When？〃
〃A few weeks。〃
〃Shit。〃 I turned back to the mirror； not looking at him。 〃How do I pick a pomme de sang？〃
〃I think you already have；〃 he said。
I looked at him。 〃You mean Nathaniel。〃
He nodded。
〃No； I 。。。 I don't trust myself not to lose control and 。。。 you know what I mean。〃
〃He is lovely to the eye； and he cares for you。 Would it be so very wrong？〃
〃Yes； yes； it would be like child molesting。 He can't say no。 If a person can't say no； then it's the same as rape。〃
〃Perhaps what you do not wish to acknowledge； ma petite； is that Nathaniel knows exactly what he wants； and what he wants is you。〃
〃He wants me to dominate him in every sense of the word。〃
〃It is best if a pomme de sang is submissive to you。〃
I shook my head。
〃Then who else would you want to risk being carried away with； your Nimir…Raj？〃 This time there was something in his voice。
〃You are jealous。〃
〃The Nimir…Raj is not a pomme de sang； a mistress； a dessert； no matter how delectable。 He is an entree； a very； very main course； and I wish to be the only entree at your table。〃
〃You were sharing me with Richard； and he certainly wasn't just dessert。〃
〃Very true； but he also had ties to me。 He is my wolf to call； and that is a different 。。。 relationship to me； to you； than some stranger。〃
〃I know it was the ardeur； but damn； I've never 。。。 〃
〃You are not a woman of casual lusts。 No； ma petite； you are not。 And I fear that this Nimir…Raj is no more casual than the rest of your lusts。〃 He looked so serious when he said it； solemn。
〃What do you mean？〃
〃If you are truly his Nimir…Ra； then you will be drawn to him。 There is no help for it。 And truthfully； I cannot fault your taste。 He is not as fair of face as our Richard； but he does have certain pensations。〃 The look on his face made me blush again。
I turned to the sink and started brushing my teeth； and he took it as a dismissal。 He went out laughing。 When the door was closed behind him and I was alone I stood for a long time looking at myself in the mirror。 It still looked like me。 But I could taste Jason's blood underneath the toothpaste。 I started scrubbing and spitting and running the cold water； listening to the sound of the water instead of the screaming inside my head。
When Jean…Claude came back into the room I was rinsing the blood out of the washrag I'd used and had three different kinds of mouthwash sitting beside the sink。 I'd used all three； and I couldn't taste anything but minty freshness。 You could scrub yourself clean of the blood and the taste of it in your mouth； but the stains that really mattered were the ones that no amount of soap or water could touch。 I'd have said that things couldn't get any worse； but I knew they could； and rapidly。 If I locked myself away for a few days until I could control the ardeur； the werewolves would vote without me there； and they'd execute Gregory。 If they killed Gregory； it wasn't just Jacob that I'd kill。 It would be war between me； my pard； and Richard's pack。 Richard was just Boy Scout enough to get in my way； and maybe force me to kill him。 Something inside of me would die if Richard died； and if I pulled the trigger 。。。 some things you recover from； some things you don't。 Killing Richard would be one of those things I wouldn't recover from。
Jean…Claude said softly； 〃Are you alright； ma petite？〃
I shook my head； but said； 〃Sure。〃
He held a bundle of blue satin out to me。 〃Then you need to get dressed； and I will escort you back outside。〃
I looked at him。 〃Is it that obvious that I don't want to go back out there？〃
〃Jason has been taken to his room。 He will heal。 But we thought it would upset you to see him。 Nathaniel awaits your pleasure； since he did drive you。〃
〃What about Asher？〃
〃He took Jason away。〃
〃You know we have the answer to the question you've been wanting to know；〃 I said。
We looked at each other。 〃I felt his release； ma petite。 I know that he has been tormenting me； allowing me to believe he was ruined。 But we still do not know how badly scarred he is； and that is a ruin of a different sort。〃
〃You mean he may feel he's so scarred that he doesn't want anyone to see him； or touch him？〃
〃Oui。〃
〃Until the two of you touched the boys； the ardeur didn't spread to you。 Belle Morte didn't spread to you。 It's like a disease；〃 I said。
〃I have seen that particular disease set loose in a banquet room the size of a football field and spread from person to person until all fell upon each other in a 。。。 well； orgy is too mild a word。〃
〃What did she gain from making a whole room of humans lose control like that？〃
〃She gains power from every feeding around her； but it was not that alone。 She wished to see if there were limits to the number of people she could spread the desire through。〃
〃Did she find her limit？〃
〃No。〃
〃So hundreds of people；〃 I said。
He nodded。
〃And she fed off of the lust from them all？〃
〃Oui。〃
〃What did she do with all that power？〃
〃She helped a marquis seduce a king and changed the trade routes and alliances of three countries。〃
I widened my eyes。 〃Well； at least it didn't go to waste。〃
〃Belle has many faults； but the wasting of an advantage is not one of them。〃
〃What did she gain through all the political maneuvering？〃
〃Land； titles； and a king that adored her。 Remember； ma petite； that this was at a time in history when to be king of a nation meant to be absolute monarch。 His word was life and death； and she ruled him through the sweet secrets of her body。〃
〃No one is that good in bed。〃
A look passed over his face a small smile that he tried to hide。
〃If she was that wonderful； then why did you and Asher leave her the first time？〃
〃Asher had been with Belle for many years before I arrived； and more beyond that before he found Julianna。 He and I were in the circle of innermost power； where many strived