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t he had thought it a separate piece of clothing。 Her arms were swathed to the elbows in gore。
She raised her hands and showed him what she held。 Trevor saw a gelatinous glob of blood shot through with dark veins； the black dot of an eye； five tiny curled fingers。
〃I didn't have the money for a doctor；〃 she said； 〃so I hit myself in the stomach until it bled。 I just wanted the damn thing out of me。 Do you hear？ Out！〃
Trevor advanced on her； stared her down。 A quick hot vein of anger pulsed in his head。 Zach had suffered unforgivably at the hands of this woman。 〃You did not；〃 he said。 〃You didn't want him but you had him anyway； and you two tortured him as long as you could get away with it。 That was nineteen years ago and your baby's doing fine。 Where are you now； you fucking evil bitch？〃
The woman crumpled back against the door frame。 The bloody mess slid out of her hands。 Trevor had to resist the urge to scoop the lonely detritus into his own hands and sob over it。 That mangled thing wasn't Zach； couldn't be。 It was only a neverborn phantom。
He remembered that Zach's mother was named Evangeline； like the poem。 〃Go away； Evangeline；〃 he said。 〃Get out of my house。 I hate you。〃
Her huge stricken eyes settled on Trevor。 He couldn't tell if she was hearing him； she hadn't responded directly to anything he said。 〃You're a ghost；〃 he told her； 〃and you're not even the right one。〃
Her head fell back。 Her hands curled into claws。 A shudder went through her； and for a moment the outlines of her body blurred； as if she were passing through some unseen membrane。 Then all at once her hair was turning to cornsilk shot through with streaks of darker gold； matted with blood。 Her features grew softer； rounder； her breasts heavier。 Her arms hung by her sides； a mass of blood and bruise。 Trevor found himself looking at his own mother； Rosena McGee； as he had discovered her that morning。
He remembered the first day he had e back to the house； when he switched on the light in the studio and saw Bobby's drawing of this scene； identical to the one Trevor had done on the bus。 At the time Trevor thought maybe Bobby had drawn it before her death； as a sort of dry run。 But it was too exact； with Rosena struggling； he never could have landed the blows as precisely on her flesh as he had done on paper。
No。 He had killed her； and then he had sat down here with his sketchbook and drawn her。 Then he had tacked the drawing to the studio wall before he went in and killed Didi。 Trevor had no proof of this sequence of events； but he could see it all too clearly。 Bobby hunched on the floor before her broken body； hand flying over the paper； eyes flickering with manic intensity from Rosena's dead face to the page and back again。 But why？
His mother's eyes were open； the whites filmed with blood。 There were deep gouges in her forehead； her left temple； the center of her chest。 All had bled heavily。 From the head wounds had also trickled some clear substance… cerebral fluid； he supposed…that cut pale tracks through the blood。 Trevor noticed that unlike himself and Skeletal Sammy； Rosena was not in forties…noir costume； she wore the same embroidered jeans and cotton dashiki top she'd had on the night she died。
What the hell did that mean？ What the hell did any of it mean？ He suddenly wanted Zach here with him as badly as he had ever wanted anything。 Zach could unravel intricate patterns of logic； perhaps explain them。 And if there was no logic in Birdland； then Zach could hold him； give him somewhere to hide his face so he would not have to keep looking into his mother's bloody eyes。
No。 This was what he had e for。 He had to see everything。
Rosena's body blocked half the doorway。 Trevor edged by； careful not to let his leg brush her。 He could picture the stiff sprawl of her limbs if he were to knock her over； could hear the hollow sound her head would make hitting the floor。 When he was nearly past； he could also imagine how it would feel if she reached out and wrapped a hand around his ankle。 But Rosena remained motionless。 He could not believe that she would ever harm him。
He pushed open the door of Didi's room and looked through the crack but did not enter the room。 There was a tiny body sprawled on the mattress。 Even in the dim light Trevor could make out the dark stain surrounding the head。
Had Bobby drawn Didi after killing him too？ Maybe； but Trevor didn't think so。 It would have been getting very late by then； and Bobby didn't want to see another dawn。 But where had he gone next？ Straight into the bathroom with his rope； or somewhere else？
So many questions。 Trevor was suddenly disgusted with himself for asking them when there seemed to be no answers。 What the fuck did it matter what Bobby had done？ What difference could it make to him now？ He should never have eaten those mushrooms； should never have catapulted himself over into Birdland。 He had left Zach behind； and he didn't know how to find his way back； and everything here seemed like a senseless dead end。
Maybe he was hallucinating it all。 This world seemed as tangible as the other： he had felt the sting of Sammy's needle going into his arm； smelled the fresh blood and raw sewage stink of the bodies。 But he was on an unfamiliar drug。 Who knew what could happen？ Maybe he would enter his bedroom and see his own body asleep on the mattress； curled around Zach。 Maybe he could get back through。
You came for answers； he reminded himself。 Did you think they would be written on the walls in blood？ Are you really ready to go back to the real house； to the empty house？ Are you ready to stop trying to fit yourself like an odd piece into the puzzle of your family's deaths； to fly away with Zach； to start your own life？
He didn't know。 There seemed to be an invisible barrier between him and all he saw； as if the house were letting him look but not touch； telling him You were never a part of this as if he needed to hear it again。 The dead were linked in a terrible intimacy； and Trevor was the living； the outsider。 You never had anything to do with it。 Bobby left you out pletely。 They all left you。 Go back to the one person who cared enough to stay。
Trevor found himself standing before the closed door of his own room。 He felt as if he were walking a thin line between his past and his future。 If he fell； he would have neither。 Balance was everything。
As if in a dream； Trevor saw his hand reaching out； his fingers closing on the knob。 Very slowly； he opened the door。
The man sitting on the edge of the bed looked up。 His eyes locked with Trevor's； ice…blue irises rimmed in black； pupils hugely dilated。 His gaunt face and his bare chest were smeared with blood。 His ginger hair was matted with it。 In his right hand he held a rusty hammer； its head glistening thick sticky red； its claw a nightmare of tangled blond hair； shredded skin； pulverized brain and bone。 Slow rivulets of blood ran down the handle； coursed in dark veinlike patterns over his arm。
Trevor was dimly aware of someone else in the room； a small still form on the mattress； breathing deeply； shrouded in covers。 But he could not focus on it； the membrane seemed to shimmer and grow opaque at that point； like a wrinkle in the fabric of this world。
For a long； long moment he and Bobby simply stared at each other。 Their faces were more alike than Trevor had remembered。 Then Bobby's trance seemed to break a little； and his lips moved。 What came out was a broken whisper； hoarse with whiskey and sorrow。 〃Who are you？〃
〃I'm your son。〃
〃Didi and Rosena…〃
〃You killed them。 You know me； Bobby。〃 Trevor advanced a few steps into the room。 〃You better know me。 I haven't stopped thinking about you for twenty years。〃
〃Oh； Trev 。 。 。〃 The hammer fell out of Bobby's hand； landed with a heavy thunk on the floorboards less than an inch from his bare toes； but Bobby didn't flinch。 Trevor saw tears coursing down his face； washing away some of the blood。 〃Is it really you？〃
〃Go look in the mirror if you don't believe me。〃
〃No 。。。 no 。。。 I know who you are。〃 Bobby's shoulders slumped。 He looked ancient； desolate。 〃How old are you？ Nineteen？ Twenty？〃
〃Twenty…five。〃
〃Do you still draw？〃
〃Goddammit！〃 Trevor remembered the drift of shredded paper on the mattress； the pillow； their bodies。 〃You ought to know！〃
Very slowly； Bobby shook his head。 〃No； Trev。 I don't know anything anymore。〃 He looked up again； and Trevor saw by the naked pain in Bobby's face that it was true。 A terrible suspicion drifted like a cold mist into his mind。
〃Why didn't you kill me？〃 Trevor asked。 He had been waiting so long to say those words。 Now they sounded flat and lifeless。
Bobby shrugged helplessly。 Trevor recognized the gesture； it was one of his own。 〃I just kept sitting here；〃 Bobby went on； 〃looking at your drawings on the wall； wondering how in hell I could hit you with that thing； wondering how I could bury that chunk of metal in your sweet； smart brain； thinking how easy they'd been pared to you。 They were like anatomy lessons。 The body is a puzzle of flesh and blood and bone 。 。 。 you understand？〃
Trevor nodded。 He thought of th