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湘弼慕汐 卦指云慕朕村 厘議慕尺 厘議慕禰 TXT畠云和墮 序秘慕杏 紗秘慕禰

anner.bloodandgold-及61嫗

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!!!!隆堋響頼��紗秘慕禰厮宴和肝写偬堋響��



I have in my house。 But what is that to you�拭�
   ;Wine�拭─�she repeated。 ;I don't want gifts of wine from you�察�Marius。
    Paint my picture。 Paint the pearls interwound in my hair�察�I should love it。;
   There was soft laughter all around the room。 I gazed musingly at the others。 The candlelight was dim even for me。 How rich it all seemed�察�these naive poets and students of the classics�察�this  indescribably beautiful woman�察�and the room itself with all the usual splendid trappings�察�and time passing slowly as though the moments had some meaning and were not a sentence of penitence and grief。
   I was in my glory。 I realized it quite suddenly and then something else struck me。
   This young woman was in her glory too。
   Something sordid and evil lay behind her recent fortunes here�察�yet she displayed nothing of the desperation she must surely feel。
   I tried to read her mind and then I chose not to do it� �I didn't want anything but this moment。
   I wanted to see this woman as she wanted me to see her´young�察�infinitely kind�察�yet utterly well defended´a panion for the night's cheerful gatherings�察�mysterious mistress of her own house。
   Indeed�察�I saw another great drawing room adjacent to this one�察�and beyond it a marvelously decorated bedroom with a bed made of golden swans and gold´threaded silk。
   Why this display if not to tell everyone that in that bed�察�this woman slept alone�拭�No one was ever to presume to cross that threshold�察�but all might see where the maiden retired of her own accord。
   ;Why do you stare at me�拭─�she asked me。 ;Why do you look about yourself as if this is a strange place to you when surely it's not�拭 �
   ;All of Venice is lovely to me�察─�I answered�察�making my voice soft and confidential so that it would not be for the whole room。
   ;Yes�察�isn't it�拭─�she said�察�smiling exquisitely。 ;I too love it。 I'll never return to Florence。 But will you paint a picture of me�拭�
   ;Perhaps I will�察─�I answered。 ;I don't know your name。;
   ;You're not serious�察─�she said�察�smiling again。 I realized suddenly how very worldly she was。 ;You didn't e here not knowing my name。 How could you want me to believe such a thing�拭�
   ;Oh�察�but I don't know it�察─�I said�察�because I had never asked her name�察�and had learnt of her through vague images and impressions and fragments of conversation overheard by me as a blood drinker�察�and I stood at a loss because I wouldn't read her mind。
   ;Bianca�察─�she said。 ;And my rooms are always open to you。 And if you paint my picture�察�I'll be in your debt。;
   There were more guests ing。 I knew that she meant to receive them。 I backed away from her and took a station�察�so to speak�察�in the shadows well away from the candles�察�and from there I watched her�察�watched her infallibly graceful movements and heard her clever�察�ringing voice。
   Over the years�察�I had beheld a thousand mortals who meant nothing
    to me�察�and now�察�gazing at this one creature I felt my heart tripping as it had when I had entered Botticelli's workshop�察�when I had seen his paintings and seen him�察�Botticelli�察�the man。 Oh�察�yes�察�the man。
   I stayed in her rooms only for a short time that night。
   But I returned within the week with a portrait of her。 I had painted it on a small panel and had it framed with gold and jewels。
   I saw her shock when she received it。 She had not expected something so exact。 But then I feared she might see something wrong。
   When she looked at me�察�I felt her gratitude and her affection and something greater collecting inside her�察�an emotion she denied in dealing with others。
   ;Who are you 。。。 really�拭─�she asked me in a soft�察�lilting whisper。
   ;Who are you 。。。 really�拭─�I repeated�察�and I smiled。
   She looked at me gravely。 Then she smiled too but she didn't answer�察�and all her secrets folded inside her´the sordid things�察�things to do with blood and gold。
   For a moment�察�I thought my powerful self´control would be lost。 I would embrace her�察�whether or not she would have it�察�and take her rapidly by force from the veiy middle of her warm and safe rooms to die cold and fatal domain of my soul。
   I saw her�察�positively saw her as if the Christian Satan were giving me visions once more´I saw her transformed by the Dark Blood。 I saw her as if she were mine�察�and all her youth burnt out in sacrifice to immortality�察�and the only warmth or riches known to her those which came from me。
   I left her rooms。 I couldn't remain there。 For nights�察�no�察�months I did not return。 In that time a letter came to me from her。 I was quite astonished to receive it and I read it over and over and then put it in a poqket inside my tunic next to my heart。
   My dear Marius��
   Why leave me with only a brilliant painting when I would have your panionship as well�拭�We are always seeking for amusement here�察�and there is much kind talk of you。 Do e back to me。 Your painting occupies a position of honor on the wall of my salon so that I might share the pleasure of it with all who e。
   How had this happened�察�this craving to make a mortal my panion��
    After so many centuries�察�what had I done to bring it on��
   I had thought that�察�with Botticelli�察�it had to do with his remarkable talent�察�and that I�察�with eyes so sharp and heart so hungry�察�had wanted to mingle the Blood with his inexplicable gift。
   
   But this child�察�Bianca�察�was no such seeming miracle�察�no matter how precious I found her to be。 Oh�察�yes�察�she was to my taste as if I'd made her´the daughter of Pandora´it was as if Botticelli had created her�察�even to the somewhat dreamy expression of her face。 And she did have a seemingly impossible mingling of fire and poise。
   But I had in rny long miserable years seen many beautiful humans�察�rich and poor�察�younger and older�察�and I had not felt this sharp�察�near uncontrollable desire to bring her to me�察�to take her to the shrine with me�察�to spill out to her whatever wisdom I possessed。
   What was I to do with this pain�拭�How should I be rid of it�拭�How long would it torment me right here in the city of Venice where I had chosen to seek fort from mortals and give back to the world in secret payment my blessed and well´educated boys��
   On rising�察�I found myself shaking loose light dreams of Bianca�察�dreams in which she and I were sitting in my bedroom and talking together as I told her of all the long lonely paths I'd trod�察�talking together as she told me of how she had drawn from mon and filthy pain her immeasurable strength。
   Even as I attended the feast with my students I couldn't shake off these dreams。 They broke in on me as if I were falling asleep over the wine and meats。 The boys vied for my attention。 They thought they had failed the Master。
   When I went to my rooms to paint�察�I was equally confused。 I painted a large picture of Bianca as the Virgin Mary with a chubby Infant Jesus。 I laid down the brushes。 I wasn't content。 I couldn't be content。
   I went out of Venice into the countryside。 I searched for the Evil Doer。 I drank blood until I was glutted。 And then I returned to my rooms�察�and I lay down on my bed and I dreamt of Bianca again。
   At last before dawn I wrote my admonitions down in my diary��
   This desire to make an immortal panion is no more justified
     here than it was in Florence。 You have survived all your long life without ever taking this evil step�察�though you know well how to do it´the Druid priest taught you how to do it´and not doing it�察�you will continue to survive。 You cannot bring over this child to you�察�no matter how you envision it。 Imagine her to be a statue。 Imagine your evil to be a force that would shatter that statue。 See her then in fragments。 Know that that is what you would do。
   
   I went back to her rooms。
   It was as if I'd never seen her before�察�so great was her impression upon me�察�so soft and pelling her voice�察�so radiant her face and her worldly eyes。 It was an agony and also an immeasurable consolation to be near her。
   For months I came to her rooms�察�pretending to listen to the poems recited�察�sometimes forced to answer in the gentle discussions  regarding the theories of aesthetics or philosophy�察�but all the while simply wanting to be near her�察�studying the minutia of her beauty�察�closing my eyes now and then as I listened to the song of her voice。
   Visitors came and went from her famous gatherings。 No one dared question her supremacy within her own domain。 But as I sat�察�as I observed�察�as I let myself dream in the candlelight�察�there came to my observation something subtle and dreadful as ever I had beheld。
   Certain men who came into these rooms were marked for a dark and specific purpose。 Certain men�察�well known to the divinely alluring mistress�察�received in their wine a poison which would follow them as they left the genial pany and soon acplish their;deaths��
   At first�察�when I with my preternatural senses had smelled this subtle but certain poison I thought I had imagined such a thing。 But then with the Mind Gift�察�I saw into the heart of this enchantress�察�and how she lured those whom she must poison�察�knowing little or nothing of why they had been condemned to death。
   This was the sordid lie I had first perceived in her。 A kinsman�察�a Florentine banker�察�kept her in terror。 Indeed i
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隆堋響頼��紗秘慕禰厮宴和肝写偬堋響��
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