按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
e at first really loved her； and love； curbing the worst part of him； brought to him； as it brings to all of us； that gentleness and abnegation of self which is the only token and assurance of a love aught but animalSylvia's fears and doubts melted away； as the mists melt in the beams of morning。 A young girl； with passionate fancy； with honest and noble aspiration； but with the dark shadow of her early mental sickness brooding upon her childlike nature； Marriage made her a woman； by developing in her a woman's trust and pride in the man to whom she had voluntarily given herself。 Yet by…and…by out of this sentiment arose a new and strange source of anxiety。 Having accepted her position as a wife； and put away from her all doubts as to her own capacity for loving the man to whom she had allied herself； she began to be haunted by a dread lest he might do something which would lessen the affection she bore him。 On one or two occasions she had been forced to confess that her husband was more of an egotist than she cared to think。 He demanded of her no great sacrifices had he done so she would have found； in making them； the pleasure that women of her nature always find in such self…mortificationbut he now and then intruded on her that disregard for the feeling of others which was part of his character。 He was fond of heralmost too passionately fond； for her staider likingbut he was unused to thwart his own will in anything； least of all in those seeming trifles； for the consideration of which true selfishness bethinks itself。 Did she want to read when he wanted to walk； he good…humouredly put aside her book； with an assumption that a walk with him must； of necessity； be the most pleasing thing in the world。 Did she want to walk when he wanted to rest； he laughingly set up his laziness as an all…sufficient plea for her remaining within doors。 He was at no pains to conceal his weariness when she read her favourite books to him。 If he felt sleepy when she sang or played； he slept without apology。 If she talked about a subject in which he took no interest； he turned the conversation remorselessly。 He would not have wittingly offended her； but it seemed to him natural to yawn when he was weary； to sleep when he was fatigued； and to talk only about those subjects which interested him。 Had anybody told him that he was selfish； he would have been astonished。 Thus it came about that Sylvia one day discovered that she led two livesone in the body； and one in the spiritand that with her spiritual existence her husband had no share。 This discovery alarmed her； but then she smiled at it。 〃As if Maurice could be expected to take interest in all my silly fancies；〃 said she； and； despite a harassing thought that these same fancies were not foolish； but were the best and brightest portion of her； she succeeded in overcoming her uneasiness。 〃A man's thoughts are different from a woman's；〃 she said； 〃he has his business and his worldly cares； of which a woman knows nothing。 I must comfort him； and not worry him with my follies。〃
As for Maurice； he grew sometimes rather troubled in his mind。 He could not understand his wife。 Her nature was an enigma to him； her mind was a puzzle which would not be pieced together with the rectangular correctness of ordinary life。 He had known her from a child； had loved her from a child； and had committed a mean and cruel crime to obtain her； but having got her； he was no nearer to the mystery of her than before。 She was all his own； he thought。 Her golden hair was for his fingers； her lips were for his caress； her eyes looked love upon him alone。 Yet there were times when her lips were cold to his kisses； and her eyes looked disdainfully upon his coarser passion。 He would catch her musing when he spoke to her； much as she would catch him sleeping when she read to himbut she awoke with a start and a blush at her forgetfulness； which he never did。 He was not a man to brood over these things； and； after some reflective pipes and ineffectual rubbings of his head； he 〃gave it up〃。 How was it possible； indeed； for him to solve the mental enigma when the woman herself was to him a physical riddle？ It was extraordinary that the child he had seen growing up by his side day by day should be a young woman with little secrets； now to be revealed to him for the first time。 He found that she had a mole on her neck； and remembered that he had noticed it when she was a child。 Then it was a thing of no moment； now it was a marvellous discovery。 He was in daily wonderment at the treasure he had obtained。 He marvelled at her feminine devices of dress and adornment。 Her dainty garments seemed to him perfumed with the odour of sanctity。
The fact was that the patron of Sarah Purfoy had not met with many virtuous women； and had but just discovered what a dainty morsel Modesty was。
CHAPTER XVIII。
IN THE HOSPITAL。
The hospital of Port Arthur was not a cheerful place； but to the tortured and unnerved Rufus Dawes it seemed a paradise。 There at leastdespite the roughness and contempt with which his gaolers ministered to him he felt that he was considered。 There at least he was free from the enforced companionship of the men whom he loathed； and to whose level he felt； with mental agony unspeakable； that he was daily sinking。 Throughout his long term of degradation he had； as yet； aided by the memory of his sacrifice and his love； preserved something of his self…respect； but he felt that he could not preserve it long。 Little by little he had come to regard himself as one out of the pale of love and mercy； as one tormented of fortune； plunged into a deep into which the eye of Heaven did not penetrate。 Since his capture in the garden of Hobart Town； he had given loose rein to his rage and his despair。 〃I am forgotten or despised； I have no name in the world； what matter if I become like one of these？〃 It was under the influence of this feeling that he had picked up the cat at the command of Captain Burgess。 As the unhappy Kirkland had said； 〃As well you as another〃； and truly； what was he that he should cherish sentiments of honour or humanity？ But he had miscalculated his own capacity for evil。 As he flogged； he blushed； and when he flung down the cat and stripped his own back for punishment； he felt a fierce joy in the thought that his baseness would be atoned for in his own blood。 Even when； unnerved and faint from the hideous ordeal； he flung himself upon his knees in the cell； he regretted only the impotent ravings that the torture had forced from him。 He could have bitten out his tongue for his blasphemous utterings not because they were blasphemous； but because their utterance； by revealing his agony； gave their triumph to his tormentors。 When North found him； he was in the very depth of this abasement； and he repulsed his comforternot so much because he had seen him flogged； as because he had heard him cry。 The self…reliance and force of will which had hitherto sustained him through his self…imposed trial had failed himhe feltat the moment when he needed it most； and the man who had with unflinched front faced the gallows； the desert； and the sea； confessed his debased humanity beneath the physical torture of the lash。 He had been flogged before； and had wept in secret at his degradation； but he now for the first time comprehended how terrible that degradation might be made； for he realized how the agony of the wretched body can force the soul to quit its last poor refuge of assumed indifference； and confess itself conquered。
Not many months before； one of the companions of the chain； suffering under Burgess's tender mercies； had killed his mate when at work with him； and； carrying the body on his back to the nearest gang； had surrendered himselfgoing to his death thanking God he had at last found a way of escape from his miseries； which no one would envy him save his comrades。 The heart of Dawes had been filled with horror at a deed so bloody； and he had； with others； commented on the cowardice of the man that would thus shirk the responsibility of that state of life in which it had pleased man and the devil to place him。 Now he understood how and why the crime had been committed； and felt only pity。 Lying awake with back that burned beneath its lotioned rags； when lights were low； in the breathful silence of the hospital； he registered in his heart a terrible oath that he would die ere he would again be made such hideous sport for his enemies。 In this frame of mind； with such shreds of honour and worth as had formerly clung to him blown away in the whirlwind of his passion； he bethought him of the strange man who had deigned to clasp his hand and call him 〃brother〃。 He had wept no unmanly tears at this sudden flow of tenderness in one whom he had thought as callous as the rest。 He had been touched with wondrous sympathy at the confession of weakness made to him； in a moment when his own weakness had overcome him to his shame。 Soothed by the brief rest that his fortnight of hospital seclusion had afforded him； he had begun； in a languid and speculative way； to turn his thoughts to religion。 He had read of martyrs who had borne agonies unspeakable； upheld by their confidence in Heaven a