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forbid！ … Will you come to tea？ … A light heart。
ON arriving at the bookseller's shop； I cast a nervous look at the
window； for the purpose of observing whether the paper had been
removed or not。 To my great delight the paper was in its place；
with a beating heart I entered； there was nobody in the shop； as I
stood at the counter； however； deliberating whether or not I should
call out； the door of what seemed to be a back…parlour opened； and
out came a well…dressed lady…like female； of about thirty； with a
good…looking and intelligent countenance。 'What is your business；
young man？' said she to me； after I had made her a polite bow。 'I
wish to speak to the gentleman of the house；' said I。 'My husband
is not within at present；' she replied； 'what is your business？'
'I have merely brought something to show him；' said I； 'but I will
call again。' 'If you are the young gentleman who has been here
before；' said the lady； 'with poems and ballads； as； indeed； I know
you are；' she added； smiling； 'for I have seen you through the
glass door； I am afraid it will be useless； that is；' she added
with another smile； 'if you bring us nothing else。' 'I have not
brought you poems and ballads now；' said I； 'but something widely
different； I saw your advertisement for a tale or a novel； and have
written something which I think will suit； and here it is；' I
added； showing the roll of paper which I held in my hand。 'Well；'
said the bookseller's wife； 'you may leave it； though I cannot
promise you much chance of its being accepted。 My husband has
already had several offered to him； however； you may leave it； give
it me。 Are you afraid to intrust it to me？' she demanded somewhat
hastily； observing that I hesitated。 'Excuse me；' said I； 'but it
is all I have to depend upon in the world； I am chiefly
apprehensive that it will not be read。' 'On that point I can
reassure you；' said the good lady； smiling； and there was now
something sweet in her smile。 'I give you my word that it shall be
read； come again to…morrow morning at eleven； when； if not
approved； it shall be returned to you。'
I returned to my lodging； and forthwith betook myself to bed；
notwithstanding the earliness of the hour。 I felt tolerably
tranquil； I had now cast my last stake； and was prepared to abide
by the result。 Whatever that result might be； I could have nothing
to reproach myself with； I had strained all the energies which
nature had given me in order to rescue myself from the difficulties
which surrounded me。 I presently sank into a sleep； which endured
during the remainder of the day； and the whole of the succeeding
night。 I awoke about nine on the morrow； and spent my last
threepence on a breakfast somewhat more luxurious than the
immediately preceding ones； for one penny of the sum was expended
on the purchase of milk。
At the appointed hour I repaired to the house of the bookseller；
the bookseller was in his shop。 'Ah；' said he； as soon as I
entered； 'I am glad to see you。' There was an unwonted heartiness
in the bookseller's tones； an unwonted benignity in his face。
'So；' said he； after a pause； 'you have taken my advice； written a
book of adventure； nothing like taking the advice； young man； of
your superiors in age。 Well； I think your book will do； and so
does my wife； for whose judgment I have a great regard； as well I
may； as she is the daughter of a first…rate novelist； deceased。 I
think I shall venture on sending your book to the press。' 'But；'
said I； 'we have not yet agreed upon terms。' 'Terms； terms；' said
the bookseller； 'ahem！ well； there is nothing like coming to terms
at once。 I will print the book； and give you half the profit when
the edition is sold。' 'That will not do；' said I； 'I intend
shortly to leave London： I must have something at once。' 'Ah； I
see；' said the bookseller； 'in distress； frequently the case with
authors； especially young ones。 Well； I don't care if I purchase
it of you； but you must be moderate； the public are very
fastidious； and the speculation may prove a losing one after all。
Let me see； will five … hem … ' he stopped。 I looked the
bookseller in the face； there was something peculiar in it。
Suddenly it appeared to me as if the voice of him of the thimble
sounded in my ear； 'Now is your time； ask enough； never such
another chance of establishing yourself； respectable trade； pea and
thimble。' 'Well；' said I at last； 'I have no objection to take the
offer which you were about to make； though I really think five…and…
twenty guineas to be scarcely enough； everything considered。'
'Five…and…twenty guineas！' said the bookseller； 'are you … what was
I going to say … I never meant to offer half as much … I mean a
quarter； I was going to say five guineas … I mean pounds； I will；
however； make it up guineas。' 'That will not do；' said I； 'but； as
I find we shall not deal； return me my manuscript； that I may carry
it to some one else。' The bookseller looked blank。 'Dear me；'
said he； 'I should never have supposed that you would have made any
objection to such an offer； I am quite sure that you would have
been glad to take five pounds for either of the two huge
manuscripts of songs and ballads that you brought me on a former
occasion。' 'Well；' said I； 'if you will engage to publish either
of those two manuscripts； you shall have the present one for five
pounds。' 'God forbid that I should make any such bargain！' said
the bookseller； 'I would publish neither on any account； but； with
respect to this last book； I have really an inclination to print
it； both for your sake and mine； suppose we say ten pounds。' 'No；'
said I； 'ten pounds will not do； pray restore me my manuscript。'
'Stay；' said the bookseller； 'my wife is in the next room； I will
go and consult her。' Thereupon he went into his back room； where I
heard him conversing with his wife in a low tone； in about ten
minutes he returned。 'Young gentleman；' said he； 'perhaps you will
take tea with us this evening； when we will talk further over the
matter。'
That evening I went and took tea with the bookseller and his wife；
both of whom； particularly the latter； overwhelmed me with
civility。 It was not long before I learned that the work had been
already sent to the press； and was intended to stand at the head of
a series of entertaining narratives； from which my friends promised
themselves considerable profit。 The subject of terms was again
brought forward。 I stood firm to my first demand for a long time；
when； however； the bookseller's wife complimented me on my
production in the highest terms； and said that she discovered
therein the germs of genius； which she made no doubt would some day
prove ornamental to my native land； I consented to drop my demand
to twenty pounds； stipulating； however； that I should not be
troubled with the correction of the work。
Before I departed； I received the twenty pounds； and departed with
a light heart to my lodgings。
Reader； amidst the difficulties and dangers of this life； should
you ever be tempted to despair； call to mind these latter chapters
of the life of Lavengro。 There are few positions； however
difficult； from which dogged resolution and perseverance may not
liberate you。
CHAPTER LVIII
Indisposition … A resolution … Poor equivalents … The piece of gold
… Flashing eyes … How beautiful … Bon jour； Monsieur。
I HAD long ago determined to leave London as soon as the means
should be in my power； and； now that they were； I determined to
leave the Great City； yet I felt some reluctance to go。 I would
fain have pursued the career of original authorship which had just
opened itself to me； and have written other tales of adventure。
The bookseller had given me encouragement enough to do so； he had
assured me that he should be always happy to deal with me for an
article （that was the word） similar to the one I had brought him；
provided my terms were moderate； and the bookseller's wife； by her
complimentary language； had given me yet more encouragement。 But
for some months past I had been far from well； and my original
indisposition； brought on partly by the peculiar atmosphere of the
Big City； partly by anxiety of mind； had been much increased by the
exertions which I had been compelled to make during the last few
days。 I felt that； were I to remain where I was； I should die； or
become a confirmed valetudinarian。 I would go forth into the
country； travelling on foot； and； by exercise and inhaling pure
air； endeavour to recover my health； leaving my subsequent
movements to be determined by Providence。
But whither should I bend my course？ Once or twice I thought of
walking home to the old town； stay some time with my mother and my
brother；