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continually jabbering to us in that； and by hearing him the maids
and myself contrived to pick up a good deal of the language； so
that we understood most that was said； and could speak it very
fairly； and the themes of his jabber were the beauty and virtues of
one whom he called Holy Mary； and the power and grandeur of one
whom he called the Holy Father； and he told us that we should
shortly have an opportunity of seeing the Holy Father； who could do
anything he liked with Holy Mary： in the meantime we had plenty of
opportunities of seeing Holy Mary； for in every church； chapel； and
convent to which we were taken； there was an image of Holy Mary；
who； if the images were dressed at all in her fashion； must have
been very fond of short petticoats and tinsel； and who； if those
said figures at all resembled her in face； could scarcely have been
half as handsome as either of my two fellow…servants； not to speak
of the young ladies。
'Now it happened that one of the female servants was much taken
with what she saw and heard； and gave herself up entirely to the
will of the subordinate； who had quite as much dominion over her as
his superior had over the ladies； the other maid； however； the one
who had a kind of respect for me； was not so easily besotted； she
used to laugh at what she saw； and at what the fellow told her； and
from her I learnt that amongst other things intended by these
priestly confederates was robbery； she said that the poor old
governor had already been persuaded by his daughters to put more
than a thousand pounds into the superior priest's hands for
purposes of charity and religion； as was said； and that the
subordinate one had already inveigled her fellow…servant out of
every penny which she had saved from her wages； and had endeavoured
likewise to obtain what money she herself had； but in vain。 With
respect to myself； the fellow shortly after made an attempt towards
obtaining a hundred crowns； of which； by some means； he knew me to
be in possession； telling me what a meritorious thing it was to
give one's superfluities for the purposes of religion。 〃That is
true；〃 said I； 〃and if； after my return to my native country； I
find I have anything which I don't want myself； I will employ it in
helping to build a Methodist chapel。〃
'By the time that the three months were expired for which we had
hired the palace of the needy Prince； the old governor began to
talk of returning to England； at least of leaving Italy。 I believe
he had become frightened at the calls which were continually being
made upon him for money； for after all； you know； if there is a
sensitive part of a man's wearing apparel； it is his breeches
pocket； but the young ladies could not think of leaving dear Italy
and the dear priest； and then they had seen nothing of the country；
they had only seen Naples； before leaving dear Italia they must see
more of the country and the cities； above all； they must see a
place which they called the Eternal City； or some similar
nonsensical name； and they persisted so that the poor governor
permitted them； as usual； to have their way； and it was decided
what route they should take … that is； the priest was kind enough
to decide for them； and was also kind enough to promise to go with
them part of the route； as far as a place where there was a
wonderful figure of Holy Mary； which the priest said it was highly
necessary for them to see before visiting the Eternal City： so we
left Naples in hired carriages； driven by fellows they call
veturini； cheating； drunken dogs； I remember they were。 Besides
our own family there was the priest and his subordinate； and a
couple of hired lackeys。 We were several days upon the journey；
travelling through a very wild country； which the ladies pretended
to be delighted with； and which the governor cursed on account of
the badness of the roads； and when we came to any particularly wild
spot we used to stop； in order to enjoy the scenery； as the ladies
said； and then we would spread a horse…cloth on the ground； and eat
bread and cheese； and drink wine of the country。 And some of the
holes and corners in which we bivouacked； as the ladies called it；
were something like this place where we are now； so that when I
came down here it put me in mind of them。 At last we arrived at
the place where was the holy image。
'We went to the house or chapel in which the holy image was kept …
a frightful； ugly black figure of Holy Mary； dressed in her usual
way； and after we had stared at the figure； and some of our party
had bowed down to it； we were shown a great many things which were
called holy relics； which consisted of thumb…nails； and fore…nails；
and toe…nails； and hair； and teeth； and a feather or two； and a
mighty thigh…bone； but whether of a man or a camel I can't say； all
of which things； I was told； if properly touched and handled； had
mighty power to cure all kinds of disorders。 And as we went from
the holy house we saw a man in a state of great excitement： he was
foaming at the mouth； and cursing the holy image and all its
household； because； after he had worshipped it and made offerings
to it； and besought it to assist him in a game of chance which he
was about to play； it had left him in the lurch； allowing him to
lose all his money。 And when I thought of all the rubbish I had
seen； and the purposes which it was applied to； in conjunction with
the rage of the losing gamester at the deaf and dumb image； I could
not help comparing the whole with what my poor brother used to tell
me of the superstitious practices of the blacks on the high Barbary
shore； and their occasional rage and fury at the things they
worshipped； and I said to myself； If all this here doesn't smell of
fetish； may I smell fetid。
'At this place the priest left us； returning to Naples with his
subordinate； on some particular business I suppose。 It was；
however； agreed that he should visit us at the Holy City。 We did
not go direct to the Holy City； but bent our course to two or three
other cities which the family were desirous of seeing； but as
nothing occurred to us in these places of any particular interest；
I shall take the liberty of passing them by in silence。 At length
we arrived at the Eternal City： an immense city it was； looking as
if it had stood for a long time； and would stand for a long time
still； compared with it； London would look like a mere assemblage
of bee…skeps； however； give me the bee…skeps with their merry hum
and bustle； and life and honey； rather than that huge town； which
looked like a sepulchre； where there was no life； no busy hum； no
bees； but a scanty sallow population； intermixed with black
priests； white priests； gray priests； and though I don't say there
was no honey in the place； for I believe there was； I am ready to
take my Bible oath that it was not made there； and that the priests
kept it all for themselves。
CHAPTER XCIX
A cloister … Half English … New acquaintance … Mixed liquors …
Turning Papist … Purposes of charity … Foreign religion …
Melancholy … Elbowing and pushing … Outlandish sight … The figure …
I don't care for you … Merry…andrews … One good … Religion of my
country … Fellow of spirit … A dispute … The next morning … Female
doll … Proper dignity … Fetish country。
'THE day after our arrival；' continued the postilion； 'I was sent；
under the guidance of a lackey of the place； with a letter； which
the priest； when he left； had given us for a friend of his in the
Eternal City。 We went to a large house； and on ringing were
admitted by a porter into a cloister； where I saw some ill…looking；
shabby young fellows walking about； who spoke English to one
another。 To one of these the porter delivered the letter； and the
young fellow； going away； presently returned and told me to follow
him； he led me into a large room where； behind a table on which
were various papers and a thing which they call； in that country； a
crucifix； sat a man in a kind of priestly dress。 The lad having
opened the door for me； shut it behind me； and went away。 The man
behind the table was so engaged in reading the letter which I had
brought； that at first he took no notice of me； he had red hair； a
kind of half…English countenance； and was seemingly about five…and…
thirty。 After a little time he laid the letter down； appeared to
consider a moment； and then opened his mouth with a strange laugh；
not a loud laugh； for I heard nothing but a kind of hissing deep
down the throat； all of a sudden； however； perceiving me； he gave a
slight start； but； instantly recovering himself； he inquired in
English concerning the health of the family； and where we lived：
on my delivering him a card； he bade me inform my master and the
ladies that