按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
state in which I then felt myself。 It is not improbable that my
energies had been overstrained during the work the progress of
which I have attempted to describe； and every one is aware that the
results of overstrained energies are feebleness and lassitude …
want of nourishment might likewise have something to do with it。
During my sojourn in the dingle； my food had been of the simplest
and most unsatisfying description； by no means calculated to
support the exertion which the labour I had been engaged upon
required； it had consisted of coarse oaten cakes and hard cheese；
and for beverage I had been indebted to a neighbouring pit； in
which； in the heat of the day； I frequently saw； not golden or
silver fish； but frogs and eftes swimming about。 I am； however；
inclined to believe that Mrs。 Herne's cake had quite as much to do
with the matter as insufficient nourishment。 I had never entirely
recovered from the effects of its poison； but had occasionally；
especially at night； been visited by a grinding pain in the
stomach； and my whole body had been suffused with cold sweat； and
indeed these memorials of the drow have never entirely disappeared
… even at the present time they display themselves in my system；
especially after much fatigue of body and excitement of mind。 So
there I sat in the dingle upon my stone； nerveless and hopeless； by
whatever cause or causes that state had been produced … there I sat
with my head leaning upon my hand； and so I continued a long； long
time。 At last I lifted my head from my hand； and began to cast
anxious； unquiet looks about the dingle … the entire hollow was now
enveloped in deep shade … I cast my eyes up； there was a golden
gleam on the tops of the trees which grew towards the upper parts
of the dingle； but lower down all was gloom and twilight … yet；
when I first sat down on my stone； the sun was right above the
dingle； illuminating all its depths by the rays which it cast
perpendicularly down … so I must have sat a long； long time upon my
stone。 And now； once more； I rested my head upon my hand； but
almost instantly lifted it again in a kind of fear； and began
looking at the objects before me … the forge； the tools； the
branches of the trees； endeavouring to follow their rows； till they
were lost in the darkness of the dingle； and now I found my right
hand grasping convulsively the three fore…fingers of the left；
first collectively； and then successively； wringing them till the
joints cracked； then I became quiet； but not for long。
Suddenly I started up； and could scarcely repress the shriek which
was rising to my lips。 Was it possible？ Yes； all too certain； the
evil one was upon me； the inscrutable horror which I had felt in my
boyhood had once more taken possession of me。 I had thought that
it had forsaken me … that it would never visit me again； that I had
outgrown it； that I might almost bid defiance to it； and I had even
begun to think of it without horror； as we are in the habit of
doing of horrors of which we conceive we run no danger； and lo！
when least thought of； it had seized me again。 Every moment I felt
it gathering force； and making me more wholly its own。 What should
I do？ … resist； of course； and I did resist。 I grasped； I tore；
and strove to fling it from me； but of what avail were my efforts？
I could only have got rid of it by getting rid of myself： it was a
part of myself； or rather it was all myself。 I rushed amongst the
trees； and struck at them with my bare fists； and dashed my head
against them； but I felt no pain。 How could I feel pain with that
horror upon me？ And then I flung myself on the ground； gnawed the
earth； and swallowed it； and then I looked round； it was almost
total darkness in the dingle； and the darkness added to my horror。
I could no longer stay there； up I rose from the ground； and
attempted to escape。 At the bottom of the winding path which led
up the acclivity I fell over something which was lying on the
ground； the something moved； and gave a kind of whine。 It was my
little horse； which had made that place its lair； my little horse；
my only companion and friend in that now awful solitude。 I reached
the mouth of the dingle； the sun was just sinking in the far west
behind me； the fields were flooded with his last gleams。 How
beautiful everything looked in the last gleams of the sun！ I felt
relieved for a moment； I was no longer in the horrid dingle。 In
another minute the sun was gone； and a big cloud occupied the place
where he had been： in a little time it was almost as dark as it
had previously been in the open part of the dingle。 My horror
increased； what was I to do？ … it was of no use fighting against
the horror … that I saw； the more I fought against it； the stronger
it became。 What should I do： say my prayers？ Ah！ why not？ So I
knelt down under the hedge； and said； 'Our Father'； but that was of
no use； and now I could no longer repress cries … the horror was
too great to be borne。 What should I do？ run to the nearest town
or village； and request the assistance of my fellow…men？ No！ that
I was ashamed to do； notwithstanding the horror was upon me； I was
ashamed to do that。 I knew they would consider me a maniac； if I
went screaming amongst them； and I did not wish to be considered a
maniac。 Moreover； I knew that I was not a maniac； for I possessed
all my reasoning powers； only the horror was upon me … the
screaming horror！ But how were indifferent people to distinguish
between madness and the screaming horror？ So I thought and
reasoned； and at last I determined not to go amongst my fellow…men；
whatever the result might be。 I went to the mouth of the dingle；
and there； placing myself on my knees； I again said the Lord's
Prayer； but it was of no use … praying seemed to have no effect
over the horror； the unutterable fear appeared rather to increase
than diminish； and I again uttered wild cries； so loud that I was
apprehensive they would be heard by some chance passenger on the
neighbouring road； I therefore went deeper into the dingle。 I sat
down with my back against a thorn bush； the thorns entered my
flesh； and when I felt them； I pressed harder against the bush； I
thought the pain of the flesh might in some degree counteract the
mental agony； presently I felt them no longer … the power of the
mental horror was so great that it was impossible； with that upon
me； to feel any pain from the thorns。 I continued in this posture
a long time； undergoing what I cannot describe； and would not
attempt if I were able。 Several times I was on the point of
starting up and rushing anywhere； but I restrained myself； for I
knew I could not escape from myself； so why should I not remain in
the dingle？ So I thought and said to myself； for my reasoning
powers were still uninjured。 At last it appeared to me that the
horror was not so strong； not quite so strong； upon me。 Was it
possible that it was relaxing its grasp； releasing its prey？ Oh
what a mercy！ but it could not be； and yet … I looked up to heaven；
and clasped my hands； and said； 'Our Father。' I said no more … I
was too agitated； and now I was almost sure that the horror had
done its worst。
After a little time I arose； and staggered down yet farther into
the dingle。 I again found my little horse on the same spot as
before。 I put my hand to his mouth … he licked my hand。 I flung
myself down by him； and put my arms round his neck； the creature
whinnied； and appeared to sympathise with me。 What a comfort to
have any one； even a dumb brute； to sympathise with me at such a
moment！ I clung to my little horse； as if for safety and
protection。 I laid my head on his neck； and felt almost calm。
Presently the fear returned； but not so wild as before； it
subsided； came again； again subsided； then drowsiness came over me；
and at last I fell asleep； my head supported on the neck of the
little horse。 I awoke； it was dark； dark night … not a star was to
be seen … but I felt no fear； the horror had left me。 I arose from
the side of the little horse； and went into my tent； lay down； and
again went to sleep。
I awoke in the morning weak and sore； and shuddering at the
remembrance of what I had gone through on the preceding day； the
sun was shining brightly； but it had not yet risen high enough to
show its head above the trees which fenced the eastern side of the
dingle； on which account the dingle was wet and dank from the dews
of the night。 I kindled my fire； and； after sitting by it for some
time to warm my frame； I took some of the coarse food which I have
already mentioned； notwithstanding my late struggle； and the
coarseness of the fare； I ate with appetite。 My provisions had by
this time been very much diminished； and I saw that it wo