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And what of the artist who sugars the cake？
In short； you will see from the facts that I'm showing；
The state of the case is exceedingly sad；
If Thespis's people go on as they're going；
Olympus will certainly go to the bad。
From Jupiter downward there isn't a dab in it；
All of 'em quibble and shuffle and shirk；
A premier in Downing Street forming a cabinet；
Couldn't find people less fit for their work。
＇enter Thespis L。U。E。＇
THES。 Sillimon； you can retire。
SILL。 Sir； I
THES。 Don't pretend you can't when I say you can。 I've seen you
do itgo。 ＇exit Sillimon bowing extravagantly。 Thespis imitates
him＇Well； Mercury； I've been in power one year today。
MER。 One year today。 How do you like ruling the world？
THES。 Like it。 Why it's as straightforward as possible。 Why
there hasn't been a hitch of any kind since we came up here。 Lor'
the airs you gods and goddesses give yourselves are perfectly
sickening。 Why it's mere child's play。
MER。 Very simple isn't it？
THES。 Simple？ Why I could do it on my head。
MER。 AhI darsay you will do it on your head very soon。
THES。 What do you mean by that； Mercury？
MER。 I mean that when you've turned the world quite topsy…turvy
you won't know whether you're standing on your head or your
heels。
THES。 Well； but Mercury； it's all right at present。
MER。 Oh yesas far as we know。
THES。 Well； but； you know； we know as much as anybody knows； you
know I believe the world's still going on。
MER。 Yesas far as we can judgemuch as usual。
THES。 Well； the； give the Father of the Drama his due Mercury。
Don't be envious of the Father of the Drama。
MER。 But you see you leave so much to accident。
THES。 Well； Mercury； if I do； it's my principle。 I am an easy
man； and I like to make things as pleasant as possible。 What did
I do the day we took office？ Why I called the company together
and I said to them： 〃Here we are； you know； gods and goddesses；
no mistake about it； the real thing。 Well； we have certain duties
to discharge； let's discharge them intelligently。 Don't let us be
hampered by routine and red tape and precedent； let's set the
original gods an example； and put a liberal interpretation on our
duties。 If it occurs to any one to try an experiment in his own
department； let him try it； if he fails there's no harm done； if
he succeeds it is a distinct gain to society。 Don't hurry your
work； do it slowly and well。〃 And here we are after a twelvemonth
and not a single complaint or a single petition has reached me。
MER。 No； not yet。
THES。 What do you mean by 〃no；not yet？〃
MER。 Well； you see； you don't understand things。 All the
petitions that are addressed by men to Jupiter pass through my
hands； and its my duty to collect them and present them once a
year。
THES。 Oh； only once a year？
MER。 Only once a year
THES。 And the year is up？
MER。 Today。
THES。 Oh； then I suppose there are some complaints？
MER。 Yes； there are some。
THES。 ＇Disturbed＇ Oh； perhaps there are a good many？
MER。 There are a good many。
THES。 Oh； perhaps there are a thundering lot？
MER。 There are a thundering lot。
THES。 ＇very much disturbed＇ Oh。
MER。 You see you've been taking it so very easyand so have most
of your company。
THES。 Oh； who has been taking it easy？
MER。 Well； all except those who have been trying experiments。
THES。 Well but I suppose the experiment are ingenious？
MER。 Yes； they are ingenious； but on the whole ill…judged。 But
it's time go and summon your court。
THES。 What for。
MER。 To hear the complaints。 In five minutes they will be here。
＇Exit＇
THES。 ＇very uneasy＇ I don't know how it is； but there is
something in that young man's manner that suggests that the
father of the gods has been taking it too easy。 Perhaps it would
have been better if I hadn't given my company so much scope。 I
wonder what they've been doing。 I think I will curtail their
discretion； though none of them appear to have much of the
article。 It seems a pity to deprive 'em of what little they
have。
＇Enter Daphne； weeping＇
THES。 Now then； Daphne； what's the matter with you？
DAPH。 Well； you know how disgracefully Sparkeion
THES。 ＇correcting her＇ Apollo
DAPH。 Apollo； thenhas treated me。 He promised to marry me years
ago and now he's married to Nicemis。
THES。 Now look here。 I can't go into that。 You're in Olympus now
and must behave accordingly。 Drop your Daphneassume your
Calliope。
DAPH。 Quite so。 That's it。 ＇mysteriously＇
THES。 Ohthat is it？ ＇puzzled＇
DAPH。 That is it。 Thespis。 I am Calliope； the muse of fame。
Very good。 This morning I was in the Olympian library and I took
down the only book there。 Here it is。
THES。 ＇taking it＇ Lempriere's Classical Dictionary。 The Olympian
Peerage。
DAPH。 Open it at Apollo。
THES。 ＇opens it＇ It is done。
DAPH。 Read。
THES。 〃Apollo was several times married； among others to Issa；
Bolina； Coronis； Chymene； Cyrene； Chione； Acacallis； and
Calliope。〃
DAPH。 And Calliope。
THES。 ＇musing＇ Ha。 I didn't know he was married to them。
DAPH。 ＇severely＇ Sir。 This is the family edition。
THES。 Quite so。
DAPH。 You couldn't expect a lady to read any other？
THES。 On no consideration。 But in the original version
DAPH。 I go by the family edition。
THES。 Then by the family edition； Apollo is your husband。
＇Enter Nicemis and Sparkeion＇
NICE。 Apollo your husband？ He is my husband。
DAPH。 I beg your pardon。 He is my husband。
NICE。 Apollo is Sparkeion； and he's married to me。
DAPH。 Sparkeion is Apollo； and he's married to me。
NICE。 He is my husband。
DAPH。 He's your brother。
THES。 Look here； Apollo； whose husband are you？ Don't let's have
any row about it； whose husband are you？
SPAR。 Upon my honor I don't know。 I'm in a very delicate
position； but I'll fall in with any arrangement Thespis may
propose。
DAPH。 I've just found out that he's my husband and yet he goes
out every evening with that 〃thing。〃
THES。 Perhaps he's trying an experiment。
DAPH。 I don't like my husband to make such experiments。 The
question is； who are we all and what is our relation to each
other。
SPAR。 You're Diana。 I'm Apollo
And Calliope is she。
DAPH。 He's your brother。
NICE。 You're another。 He has fairly married me。
DAPH。 By the rules of this fair spot
I'm his wife and you are not。
SPAR & DAPH。 By the rules of this fair spot
I'm/she's his wife and you are not。
NICE。 By this golden wedding ring；
I'm his wife； and you're a 〃thing。〃
DAPH； NICE； SPAR。 By this golden wedding ring；
I'm/She's his wife and you're a 〃thing。〃
ALL。 Please will someone kindly tell us。
Who are our respective kin？
All of us/them are very jealous
Neither of us/them will give in。
NICE。 He's my husband； I declare；
I espoused him properlee。
SPAR。 That is true； for I was there；
And I saw her marry me。
DAPH。 He's your brotherI'm his wife。
If we go by Lempriere。
SPAR。 So she is； upon my life。
Really； that seems very fair。
NICE。 You're my husband and no other。
SPAR。 That is true enough I swear。
DAPH。 I'm his wife； and you're his brother。
SPAR。 If we go by Lempriere。
NICE。 It will surely be unfair；
To decide by Lempriere。 ＇crying＇
DAPH。 It will surely be quite fair；
To decide by Lempriere。
SPAR & THES How you settle it I don't care；
Leave it all to Lempriere。
＇Spoken＇ The Verdict
As Sparkeion is Apollo；
Up in this Olympian clime；
Why； Nicemis； it will follow；
He's her husband； for the time。 ＇indicating Daphne＇
When Sparkeion turns to mortal
Join once more the sons of men。
He may take you to his portal ＇indicating Nicemis＇
He will be your husband then。
That oh that is my decision；
'Cording to my mental vision；
Put an end to all collision；
My decision； my decision。
ALL。 That oh that is his decision。 etc。
＇Exeunt Thes； Nice。； Spar and Daphne； Spar。 with Daphne； Nicemis
weeping with Thespis。 mysterious music。 Enter Jupiter； Apollo
and Mars from below； at the back of stage。 All wear cloaks； as
disguise and all are masked＇
JUP。； AP。； MARS。 Oh rage and fury； Oh shame and sorrow。
We'll be resuming our ranks tomorrow。
Since from Olympus we have departed；
We've been distracted and brokenhearted；
Oh wicked Thespis。 Oh villain scurvy。
Through him Olympus is topsy turvy。
Compelled to silence to grin and bear it。
He's caused our sorrow； and he shall share it。
Where is the monster。 Avenge his blunders。
He has awakened Olympi